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I interpreted your language incorrectly
I thought your beautiful meant stay
I've learned that words can have a million different meanings and
I will never know them all.
I like to think
you could love me;
scars, bruises, and  all.
Every notion of your being;
the charcoal that feeds this flame.
Pulsing. Radiant. Throwing  heat  from
thick  cast  iron  walls—  my  heart:
Cellar­-ridden,  half concealed.
Juvenile-  petty in nature.
Still, capable  of  love.
Of this, I am certain.
Regardless, I can
never offer the
love that you
deserve...
 Mar 2015 Courtney Lyn
bcg poetry
I know you care. Even when you told me things that hurt so bad I had to use a blade against my own skin for my body to make sense again. Even when you literally showed me how little I mattered to you. Even when you stopped loving me the first time. Even when you watched in silence as I begged for you to ask me to stay. Even now when I haven’t heard from you for so long and I am so close to the edge.

I know you care because you always cared, just not enough.

-bcg (i dont know how long i can keep holding on)
I colored you into an image so bright that I could see you even with eyes closed. I painted you loud enough for the noise to keep me up at night. I made you into something you were not; a masterpiece.
 Mar 2015 Courtney Lyn
AFJ
Goodbyes are never good.
And hellos are never hell...
Well..
Howcome its always hard to tell?

When i met Amy..
she waved, like the ocean in the horizon view.
i mean, picture a Goddess herself, locking her eyes on you,
hypnotizing you,
Telling you all infinity lies in you,
Her heart hides in you,
Her vocal tone rises you...
Like the tide..

under the horizon view..

but her theory was dark. Like the side of the moon we don't see..
Weird, *** most of the time she was joyous and joke-sy.

But she had a mental intent.
to rent, an individuals mind until her emotion was spent.

Pitched up her tent,
Now she lives in my head.
i cant get rid of her, feeling blue when shes wearing red.
i cant get ahead..

i need her,
I bleed her.
i read her.
i see her.
She runs thru my mind mind so much,
even my feet hurt.

but shes evil.
Reveling in my chaos and depression.
her sole mission is to leave me well wishin..
fishing for hope, with nothing in my view.
except the horizon.
i cant forget her eyes'n....
the way she caressed my hand in the midst of my anger.
but its sad to say her theory just brings me danger..

she says she cant be happy if im happy.

i cant believe she can say that,
I mean,
sure shes a Ten..
sure shes a friend..
sure when i ask her to come over she always says, when..
i mean i dont ever wanna put her down...
Amy's my PEN.
the pen that stood beside me when i wrote my lifestory.
the pen that stays truthful even if it gets gory.
the pen that keeps me sane and even takes over for me,
The pen that allows me the hope to reach glory..and see..
the same pen that forces me write daily im trapped,
Confined in this desk, Hennessy spilled on my lap,
lost in life, blank map im tryna fill in the gap,
Last thing i needs a fucken object that keeps giving me crap!

Still ill love her forever, and never ever leave, thatll never occur...
my pen, i named her amy and sometimes i feel that i write for her.



-afj
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