I know you want her but I promise you its gonna be who stays up with you  until 5 am when you and your dad get in a fight and you need someone to talk to.
I know she's prettier but I promise you I'm gonna be the one who reminds you that your scars are the places where you are the strongest and to keep holding on.
I know she's smarter but I want to be the one who comes home and makes you dinner and asks you about your day.
I know she's funnier but I promise to laugh at all of your bad jokes.
I know you have history with her but we can write our own story.
I know she's better for you but I promise I'll be so alone without you.
I promise to love as hard as I can.

I think you're very inspiring and beautiful and I pray to God that there never comes a day where you don't see that.

When you start thinking about how much you miss me I hope you remember how many chances I gave you when you didn't deserve them and I hope you wish you could go back in time and remind me what it feels like to feel held.

Even if its not love, please don't leave me.
We can play pretend.

I'm trying to be fine without you
But I can't help but wonder if you ever keep yourself up at night wondering what I'm doing.
You gave me a chance I didn't deserve
But I really hope there's not a day you regret it.
I'm trying to move on but there's a part of me thats waiting for the phone call when you tell me you miss me.
Because I really miss you.
I know I didn't always treat you how you deserved but I always tried.
And I will always try to get you to come back.
I will always fight for us. For you.

There's a part of me that has to push you away.
I'm like a phone that can only dial 911.
This part of me screams at me like the silence at a funeral.
I've sent out many amber alerts to find the part of me that would let you in.
My mom says that I need to follow my heart but I can't look at my heart without covering in bruises because I can't help but blame it for all the scars left from another life.
You said, "You're something else." And thats the problem.
I have a reflection that looks like a mother burying her child.
I have a heart that feels like a birthday spent grieving.
I'm something else..I know.

I see those flowers sitting on the table. And all your pictures are face down so I don't have to be reminded. I called you and you didn't answer and I know I shouldn't be so surprised but I can't help it. I leave another message in hopes that you'll call me back. And all I know is the story that you left me with.

It all started on a day in October, the day before my birthday. You came up behind me and started playing with my hair. We barely knew each other. But just a few hours later we were on a bus holding hands in complete silence. It was awkward but nice. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt like that. We spent the next few months learning each other's favorite bands and what kind of coffee we liked. I learned that you used to deal with anxiety and you love iron man, and you learned why I'm scared of the dark and why Christmas is my favorite holiday. We let each other in.  

I remember when we were in the car and you were sad so I wrapped my arms around you for the next two hours and we fell asleep and I remember thinking it was alittle backwards but I also thought to myself I didn't know this kind of happiness was even possible and whenever we woke up you smiled and I laughed and it was all great in our little world.

I remember the day we went to the mall and you really wanted to take me to this weird restaurant and I said okay but I forgot my wallet and felt really bad when you handed me your card because you paid for breakfast and I felt like it put me in more debt because I was lucky just to be in the presence of the best person I'd ever met. My world became bearable when it combined with your world.

Now I think about all that we could've been and how easily it could've worked. But now you're there and I'm here and it's really not fair to be in love with you. Distance has really put a strain on our relationship and I see those flowers sitting on the table and I take them. I take them to that stone engraved with your name on it. All I know is that you don't know long distance until you're in love with a boy 6 feet underground.