i leave droplets of tears,
whenever &
whatever
i write
...
.

I don't think
I've ever live
for love.

Responsibility is quite heavy...

Can't. Won't. Will not.
I see you there. My weakness.
You aren't always there. You pick
And You choose.
Heart bump. Instagram. Dread.
Same old game. Can't grow up. Can not move on. You're always there. Waiting.
Apathy. Desire. Fear. Loathing.
A cycle of reincarnation. An atheist Buddha. The same life. Feeling new by it's blistening intensity. Just raw.
Festering and sterile.
I do blame You. For everything. But I won't walk away from You. Depression is obsession.  I'm consumed by You.
Cold. Can't see. Can't think. Blood moving eerily. Playing Axis and allies. Can't speak.
You hit me the morning after. I don't like myself. I'm late for work. Again. I dissapointed my Father. Again. I Made bad decisions. Again. Even this sick soliloquy, is  no therapy for me anymore. You watch me. You'll stay for a while. Your face is painfully expressionless. Your eyes dull. You'll be back again. Like the cold winds and goosebumps. One leading to another. Fading, for only a while. If I make it this time I'll see you on the other side.
And if not, at least I'll, go in the light. Even if hell fire is all I right.
Maybe You'll be there waiting. And you won't ever go. I'd miss you. I'd miss you so.

never have i ever felt so irrelevant
as if i'm merely an abandoned
building people will walk past to
to stop and appreciate the wall full
of vibrant graffiti next to it

never have i felt a stinging sensation
of watching you laugh at her jokes
when you refuse to crack a smile next
to me, of watching you jump through
currents just to swim with her when
i'm the one who brought you to the sea,
of falling down cliffs and you only saved
the girl who already has a parachute,
of seeing you give her a chance you've
deprived me off

never have i ever felt myself inhale
sharply at the prospect of you giving
her your attention when i'm still
waiting, day after day, for you to text
back, it's so painful to watch outside
clear glass where i'm here, i've always
been here, but i've never felt like i
belong in your world, i'm always
outside looking in, never with you,
never beside you while she already
has reservations to the chair next to you

never have i ever felt this way before

and never will you ever
feel the same way about me

night fades in
teasing and taunting
rest seems to be elusive

I whisper
come to me then
wrap yourself in my arms

lay your head so close
you might lose yourself
in my dark places

stars still shine somewhere
songs swell in celestial harmony

eyes closed
your lips trace hills by touch
and memory

longing swells slow motion force
arms wrap around now
strong arms

and I lose myself
in dark places somewhere
in the middle of you

rising and falling
through moon and mis

Day by day the pain just keeps amplifying
And the wounds just keep flourishing
I'm not surprised though
You do a pretty good job of nourishing
them
You regularly water the vulnerable areas
And feed them with an overdose of harmful pesticides
Thanks to you...
....in my world of pain and despair
There's never a drought
What did i ever do to deserve that?
I loved you
I was sincere and committed to you
And yet you had to break my trust
And shatter my heart
Guess i was never good enough for you
I had thought the ugly part of my life had ended with the war
But no.....
Little had i known that my greatest enemy would be the one to whom i gave my heart
You dismantled me in such a manner that i never ever recovered
Piece by piece
Bit by bit
Flesh by flesh
You took away the best of me
And left me bleeding and all alone
And now as i wait for a miracle
As i hope for a saviour to come into my life
I sometimes still think of the glorious moments we shared
They were glorious....
...make no mistake about that
The tragedy is that you gave me some of the best and also some of the worst moments of my life

Another day
     to wonder
if vows
pledged
       last night
will
withstand the
  coming light,
if they will
sprout
limbs & rise
with me in
this
      reality or
if they
will fade,
     grow pale,
shrink back 
      into dark,
never to enter 
     this world
& make their
    mark

Be prepare things shall only get worst before they start to get better here on earth.
But we have unlimited strength that we can use here to overcome in hardships.
All that we need to do is believe, For the Spirit that dwells within each of us here.
Is the Spirit of the Living God whom has already saved us from so much already.
So trust in him , and cry out to him when you are feeling overwhelm here in this life.
He shall not only deliver you from these crisis, but he shall turn you into a overcomer.
Revealing himself through you in each of these trials and crisis that you go through.
Because in reality it is him not us that not only go through obstacles but overcome them.
For when we are weak , our God turn us into supermen and superwomen here.

This skeleton alphabet
hidden beneath your skin
muscled, sinew, and flesh
words passing your mind
oh to write poetry
for just a moments relief.