i need to get drunk and i need my bones to show and i need to take pictures in my cutest lingerie and turn boys into yes men and i need to forget all the shadows that you showed me and i need to travel the world and i need to kiss strangers and my best friend and i need to ****** everyday and i need to forget your stupid smile and i need to sleep until 4pm and i need to go to sleep at 6am and i need to waste away days and i need to binge watch movies and i need to work out 2 hours everyday and  i need to forget the colour of your eyes and i need to get rich and i need to get pretty and i need to lose weight and i need to tell my boss to go **** herself and i need to love myself more and i need to look in a mirror and blow a kiss to the fine ***** looking back and i need a colder heart and i need warmer hands and i need to be happy and let me tell you this

i don't need you

but i do

Why can't we have meaningless talk
the way people have meaningless ***-
you would crash over me into a
river of un-scathing emptiness
and leave marks on my skin-
stories that this was where
you started to tear at
the seams
effortlessly
like the silkness
of your sorrows on my floor.

You would become a sultry verse
in this anthology of every day
lodged between the rush and
vacancy of broken hearts
and anguished limbs.

You would radiate the heat
of your angry, angry heart onto
the cold deadness of mine,
and we could burn and melt
all at the same time.

Meaninglessly you would leave
me out of breath,
gather your clothes
and go home.

have i used this line already?
it makes sense because really i can't stop thinking about the rain on his windshield and how the drops sounded while the smiths were playing,
how good it felt to be kissed in his passenger seat,
it feels like it was a lifetime ago,
and i lied,
this is a poem about a boy
this is a poem about a boy
this is a poem about a boy

i hope i always remember your car doors and rain

something grotesque
something *****
something gritty

lipstick smudged across his cheek
blood running up, up, up
cold baby in a warm dumpster

***, and how it's remembered
when sinking to the bottom of the ocean.

something broken
something loud

a broken heart on the sidewalk,
crushed underfoot.