I hear your voice, I smile
I see your smile, my heart stops
I feel your lips, I melt
I touch your body, I become attached
You touch my body, I become fused to you
You're all I want, you're all I see
But you're not mine, nor ever will be

I woke up dead
Trapped in my head
Only able to think
Black stars hung above me
While dirt surrounded me like a sea
And I began to sink
It seemed to me that I was trapped
There was no hope of going back
To my old life
I knew then that I had died
And my oh my it hurt my pride
It cut like a knife
But as days went by
I began to rise
Like the phoenix
Now that I've escaped my head
And I rose from the dead
Call me Lazarus

When I heard about it I was hurt, saddened, mortified.
I couldn't believe someone I remembered to be so full of life had died.
I remember playing D&D; for hours at a time.
I remember our characters always doing something out of line.
I remember your brother (as our DM) playing a little frog to help us get back on track.
I remember stealing only pens and that same little frog eraser at walmart, just to have security stop us outside and ask me for the nail polish back.
I remember our photo shoot, and the picture of us standing back to back.
And the one that looked like you were staring at my shirt, we all had a big laugh about that.
I remember when you and I became close, and were together almost everyday.
I remember how reckless we were, but wasn't that always our way?
I remember karaoke nights, going clubbing, parties at Casey's, and trips to Niagara Falls.
I remember through everything what a good friend you were to me, I remember that most of all.
I love you and miss you Jon.
I will always remember you.

You're my black tar,
My drug,
My ******.
I'm addicted
And I can't get enough.
I'll love you til I overdose,
With your needle still inside me.

Waking up dead
With an empty head
Not a single thought
To be had
They're all out today.
I'm overwrought
And under thought
With pretty lies
My love is bought
And then thrown away.
I've got my disguise
I've got my lies
They're indiscernible
To untrained eyes
It's like child's play.
Waking up dead
With an empty head
All that's in store
Is going back to bed
Its just not my day.

My skin is cold as thawing ice
frozen, fixed, and bleak
the world is broken under my feet
where did life go so wrong
I’m boxed six feet deep
in a dark crumpled creep
dreams mascaraed as light
forbidden light I can not see
one day my past appears
in my treasured hope
from once shinning eyes
how the hours past me by
in this requiem a song
chiming in the wind of time
tempered like stained glass
forever, forever at last
Shouts of Barabus, say not!
low my soul tis not I, behold
the cross, rising on the hill
Golgotha the blood running
A lamb before the slaughter
“Screams” of He died! He Lied!
I…silently died with him too
At his feet nailed and bent
I hear a shuttered cry
“Forgive them they know not what they do”
My brokenness once firmly in the ground
rises quickly bursting in light
Alas my King, my God tis you
every prayer spoken is true
The golden streets I craved
mine, all for the life you gave
BB2015

The curse of complacency
Is all in my mouth,
I'm choking
On its bittersweet taste.
I want to cut the ties
To the sandbags holding me down.
I want to float away
Across the seas,
Drink up countries
To quench my wanderlust.
I want to discover the mysteries
Each continent has to hold.
To relish
In uncertainty,
But complacency
Is just so comforting.

I shake
At the thought of losing you.
It starts in my head,
Then goes to my hand,
Till I can hardly write.
Then it spreads to my legs,
"Stop thinking!" they beg,
"So you can sleep at night".
I break
At the thought of losing you.
It starts in my heart,
(Oh what a place to start)
Till I feel nothing at all.
Then it spreads to my fist,
Sometimes to my wrist,
As my hand breaks against the wall.
I ache
At the thought of losing you.
It starts in my belly,
Then my legs turn to jelly,
Till finally, I fall.
Then it spreads to my lungs
And then to my tongue,
Till all I can do is bawl.

Its been 243 hours and 27 minutes since we last talked.
(Not that I'm counting)
Its been 2 weeks since I felt your lips on mine.
(Not that I'm counting)
I haven't slept in over 8 days
(Not that I'm counting)
And my heart has shattered into 286 pieces.
(Not that I'm counting)
I tried counting the times you took my breath away.
(I lost count)
I even tried counting the nights I dreamt of you.
(The number was too high)
I was reduced to counting the times I loved you, and never said it.
*(I'm bad at math anyway)

Home isn't a place,
Its a feeling.
And I've never felt more at home
Than when I'm laying with you
Smoking a cigarette
With your arms wrapped around me.
Than when your hand
Is intertwined with mine
In your car in the middle of the night.
Than when I'm looking
Peacefully, into your wild eyes.
They say home is where the heart is
And my heart, and my home,
My dear,
Are with you.

I never realized just how many moments we had
Till I drove around our little town without you.
There were ghosts of you on every street corner
And phantom kisses on my lips.
Your voice played in my head like our songs had.
I can't forget all the beautiful moments
In every desolate corner of this town.
Every word, kiss, and every single touch
Is burned, deeply, in my mind.
So I'll leave pieces of it behind,
On each street corner, with your ghosts.
It's easier that way, for us both.

This is my requiem for you,
The newspaper airplane soaring
Round my heart and head.
This is my requiem for you,
The silent dream
Just out of reach.
This is my requiem for you,
The rain
That won't stop falling.
This is my requiem for you,
The only one
I'll ever need.
My upper,
My unattainable red dress,
My pure,
My rush.
This is my requiem for you,
My dear,
For my dream.