Living in a state of unbalance,
cuz peace & rest don't serve.
Take away everything,
tackle & push me to my limits,
with my back against a wall
I will perform all my best miracles.

My saving grace is always found
while I'm walking thru the storm
Peace of mind is death,
Chaos and uncertainty create new waves.

Ask any physicist, Entropy Rules the Day.

There is a deep space
In the corners of our minds,
Where our hearts dwell,
Solemnly, and in silence.
Patiently, the stillness draws closer,
The feeling recedes,
As all awareness is numbed.

The quietness takes hold,
We are asleep
And alone,
All on our own;
And we meet ourselves,
See what we've never known--
The darkness inside
That gives way to the light,
That shines from within us,
Like moonlight slowly caressing
The earth,
Consoling it,
To not fear the darkness
Of space.

We awaken then
To realize,
What we hold within us,
The energy,
The positivity,
To overcome,
To strive forward
And move on the path
That would lead
Simple beings like us
To *greatness...

Tell me your secrets as you weave your fingers between my thighs
Teach me your history as your eyes knock down my mind
Tell my why while we both get high

Please let me into your world as you tell me I complete it
Please let me win you over as you coach me; tell me more as you tell me "more"
Let's close our eyes like we always do, this time opening our minds and allowing ourselves to see

I thought,
because my eyes were open,
I was awake;
but little did I know,
because little did they speak,
so little did I learn...
from those before me.
I once was blind, but now I see.
Now, I never wish to sleep.
The Lord made me a lot of things,
but not a sheep.
Shackles and chains,
may ******* my brain;
But my soul shall be set free.
Money, Cars, Clothes...
That is property, seize and take, as you please,
But I wholly belong to me

For 5 years you fed me
With a silver spoon
At least 3 times a day

I didn’t know how good I had it
Until I was hungry again

When I was 19 with seven dollars to my name
You brought me grilled cheese
And donuts with sprinkles
And other sweet little nothings
For me to digest

You filled my plate
You left space at the table
I was nourished
I was was never full

I was greedy
I wanted every last bite

When I was 24 and full enough
You fed me your dreams
You said eat it up baby
And I did

I swallowed them whole
I felt them slide down my throat
They’ve been sitting at the pit of my stomach ever since

When you swallow bubble gum
It doesn’t leave your gut for years
I still feel the heaviness inside me

The cotton candy artificial flavoring
Bright pink and nostalgic
But really just an accumulation
Of all the parts that had gone to waste
The remnants of a carcass

I still full
Still thankful to have had this meal

When I try to feed you
A returning of all the favors
I crush up my favorite parts of me
Hoping to sit inside you for years to come

But you take the spoon into your mouth  and wince
Your face turns red
I can see you’re not breathing
Not reaching for help either

I try to give you the Hielmlic
To get back what I had given way
Maybe had I presented it better
Red and shiny and sweet
Maybe then we wouldn’t be here
Choking
Empty
Alone

We had been at sea for what felt like decades
In a tiny boat the size of a life raft
we sat for weeks on end in silence
just staring
hoping to see land before insanity
the incessant picking has always been a problem
my thumbs, his downfalls
and now, this boat
almost unconsciously I began to pick at the lining
until tiny little holes started to let water in
I tried to avoid it
sit on the holes
fill them with fabric
I took the shirt off my back to try to save the ship
he looked at me as if to say, good luck with that
instead, he said he had to get to work
he stood up in the boat like getting off the train
and walked straight into the water
I've lost track of how long ago that was
But I'm still here, clinging to what was once mine
to what is drowning me slowly

In the event that you don’t leave me
I will always make the bed
I will wash the dishes,
hang the t-shirts,
match the socks
I will throw out my receipts
I will memorize all your freckles
I swear by my ability to remember the lyrics that
I will always give it my all
Which is to say that sometimes I forget the lyrics -
And while, yes, I am chronically lazy
I vow to never waste another moment in your sunshine -
A morning at your side
Or a midnight half asleep retainer kiss
I will save the episode
And the last cookie
I will always be saving your place.
I will celebrate you
I will look at the photo next to my bed
as I have for the last half decade
And say
“thank you
Thank you
I’m sorry
Forgive me
I can do better
Don’t leave “
A mantra

i.

melted ice cream afternoons
bogged down

rising from asphalt
in magical mist
that transforms
the day into
a test of endurance

even dusk offers
no solace
in frozen watermelon bliss


ii.

smoke permeates fabric
hair and every surface
with peace and grit
wafting over
the crispy
edges of predawn

begging sleep
to the most stubborn
insomniac

rotisserie style dreams
till morning


iii.

there's less death today
waiting in line
in candy store nightmares
begging silence
from the jubilant

but the sky turned up
a dream state

in that beguiling beauty
is brilliance


iv.

in shadows
the earth falls silent

rustling through
tall tales
the moon births

images in hidden corners

evening strolls
turn adventures

and every day
burns quick
to be reborn slowly


v.

the weight of hell
in short tempered bites
**** will with a proficiency
unseen outside
a viper's silent hunt

ready for war
with fists losing
responsibility

breaking triple digit
pressure


vi.

Incessant banging through walls built faster than I am strong enough to demolish, cradling lace so it won't rip on my forked tongue. There is only so much care left to handle perception just trying to breathe through a smile.

I lick my lips

they still taste like you
and I bask in the remnants of a dream
that seems
close enough to smell
through laundered sheets
blood at the surface of yesterday leeches
into tomorrow

on badges of honor that hold no shame
igniting the flame
each in the shape of animal love
primal feasts of flesh
and I run moist in remembrance
a response I have yet to control

the thought of your voice or your breath on my skin
burns fire within
without ever being near
I feel your longing
chasing my own

my body screams in liquid silence
your voice walking the line
entwined in the root
of my evil
vibrating a symphony in prelude
carried on a laugh that growls
to the beast that howls
begging to be beaten into submission
...again

I lick my lips
...they still taste like you