I remember, Oh so long ago,
Where it was the light that loved me,
And smiling came without effort.
The days where the sunshine was welcomed,
And not turned away.

Now I don't know who I am,
Who I ever was,
And what I mean to people.
I feel like I'm fading away,
Like the belief in a child.

The light has turned away,
Where did my beloved friend go?
She has shut her eyes,
From the horror I've become,
And abandoned me to the consuming darkness.

Nobody hears my screams of pain,
So I've stopped trying to reach them.
I'm losing my humanity,
All that's left is insanity,
In this crimson fallen world.

An echo, and the sound of my heart breaking like glass,
The darkness has become too much,
I'm drowning.
I've shut down,
Not trusting any soul.

I keep it all inside,
I welcome pain destroying me,
Instead of burdening others.
My life is cloaked in secrets,
Secrets that are killing me ever so slowly.

I remember, Oh so long ago,
Where it was the light that loved me,
And smiling came without effort.
The days where the sunshine was welcomed,
And not turned away.

Society: You're so ugly
Girl: But I'm happy
Society: You're too fat
Girl: But I'm happy
Society; You're not pretty enough
Girl: But I'm hap-
Society: Stop trying nobody likes you
Girl: But I'm h-
Society: Nobody cares about you
Girl: But-
Society: Go away why are you talking to me? Loser
Society: Wait where did you go?
Society: Come back!
Society: Why would she **** herself?
Society: She was so pretty and nice and everybody liked her why would she go?!
Society: We will miss you

as decadent as it is sweet
he feeds her lies and she believes
she winks her eyes and he receives
fulfillment

she plays his game
ignore the tale of the ring
on his left hand


he thinks he's won
but a war has begun
at the place he once called home

now she feeds him lies
and as he winks his eyes
she pretends to blind

for now the tables turned
now his stomach churns
as his game now burns

when the candy once sweet
makes decadent his teeth
and leaves him
empty
____________

The visions blur like thick fog,
memories break into strobe-lit flashes.
The whole world exists in a flat line.
Troubled curiosity sits high in the throat
like a bad taste or a
hand around the neck.
You are ****** on the side of the road,
or the back of the bus on that
long ride home,
while the sunlight plays
judge/jury/executioner up on its
condescending throne, levying its light,
like punishment, upon you.

The world is a cruel place when
the late nights face the
early mornings eye to eye.

On the sidewalk you watch
cars pass, people pass,
the whole world moves in
that straight line forwards.
You bob your head in calm defeat.
On the bus the people don’t move,
but they appear to.
Mouths and lips and eyes and feet,
all containing no direction
except as the tires go.
You look at it all in quiet wonder.

There, with flash bang remembrance
and an intangible machine gun burst
drumming off your eyelids,
you lay on the pavement,
or against the window of the bus,
with memory a black din of noise and
half-formed images,
and wonder what it’s like to
be nothing at all.

There are times that
it gets so bad around you
that it fills you with it,
like sea-filled
lungs, like that
last breath of water
before darkness.
There are times that
it sinks in your chest
and your arms and that space
right behind your eyes,
that dull ache.
Death comes slow
amidst the wreckage;
in the chest and
the arms and the
toilet seat, gripped
white knuckles and the
stale, thick burn of acid
in the throat.

There are times that
it gets so bad around you
that it fills you with it.
Death comes slow,
persistent in its march,
and you look upward,
bleary-eyed and shook
to the bone, into its
balanced gaze
knowing, but never truly
able to understand,
how close it really is.