I come to the page with nothing to say
but I feel I must write anyway.

You see I'm dealing with a pain
it's coursing through my veins
as I try to remain silent,
not scream!

But the page can speak,
it can scream, it's never told to hold its tongue,
it's never told not to dream, to cry, or act dignified.

It's not even told not to lie
most of what's written is lies.

Not to deceive but to please.
But I asked for the truth, and it was given to me.

So now I'm dealing with a pain,
and wishing your lies
could deceive me once again.

If you deeply adore someone
you’re devoted to following
her every twist and turn in life

Any attempt to squirm free
causes you to recoil instinctively

Her exotic scent
continues to lure you

Love is intense euphoria,
inlaid with moments
of sharp and profound agony

Your every contortion
only constricts her hold

Predictably, despite
numerous gyrations
you surrender to love

I apologize for liking you on Hinge purely on intuition
It hurts to admit I mistook your kindness as a door open for my wonder

I’m sorry I yearned for you from the day I heard your most gentle voice
From the day we first met, when I tried to find you in the parking lot of a cinema, in the rain

Dearest,
I was up too many mornings, counting minutes from 6 a.m.
At the time you wake, even on Saturdays and Sundays
I secretly wish you slept more, to comfort the chest of my anticipation

I’m sorry to have learned your schedule, purely out of care, and also romance.
I honestly promise I do not stalk,
except through invisible feelings,
except through the way a body shows without touching or words without telling

But I’m sorry that I find your perfectly correct grammar in texts quite irritating.
Your composition too sensible and unbelievable
Your ignorance towards me, too hurting
I feel too jealous because you might never think of me in a soft pink light
Or because you might actually never think of me in any light

I’m very sorry however, as I think of you too frequently,
and I don’t know when that will end

It isn’t your fault.
This is surely, absolutely on me
for I know I lack colors
Both in flesh and feelings
As there are plenty of fish on Hinge; so open to the ocean of your eyes
I should be no obstacle to your perfect match and mutual passion

I regret swimming in the river of my endless, unrequited sea
I regret to have had this sort of courage with only you, which is oddly shocking
I’m sorry to bother you when I reach out to say  hi,
Because I carefully try to calibrate that weekly

I’m sorry for the hundreds of times I believed
there might be one-tenth of a chance
Of me and you,
in an alternative universe
where I might deserve you
Maybe?

And I apologize again for always bringing up movies with you, in sense and nonsense
Because I am unable to tell you what I want to
As my 29-year-old stupid inhibitions play around
I apologize if I behave disturbingly distant,
but I will always be curious about your birds, and your neck that hurts

As you can clearly see,
I am sorry for innumerable things

But
I am never sorry to have met you
I am never sorry to think of you, and write of you
I see you
in colors of pink, red, and yellow,
in colors of blue and sea
in embrace of distance and memory

I just wanted to put this all out
in any way
Let this be a digital ship-in-a-bottle,
in the middle of a vast ocean

Love for me is a gift,
Heaven bestowed.
It’s a rushing waterfall,
The amazing desired award.

Love for me is happiness,
Which is forever appeased.
And if you get it suddenly,
Please, don’t ever miss it.

Love for me is an evening,
Where candles are burning and nobody…
You’re gently stroking my hand and whispering
Something solely for me.

Love for me is the world,
Where’re both of us - me and you!
My photo is in your phone screen.
My darling, how I love you!