What are you still doing here?
I told you to go.
I told you I can't come back home.
But you're still here,
In my bones.
In every atom.
When I said I was addicted,
I meant I was enslaved.
I meant to say I was yours,
You took me captive unknowingly.
And now I can't let it fade,
The comfort of your embrace.
It held me with you,
It captured me willingly.
And I belong to you,
And I always will.

Cold, unforgiving.
My soul froze in time.
I gave love its last chance,
And clocks stopped.

The big hand contorted,
To mock my closing veins.
The small just pointed
And laughed in my face.

So I shattered all the timepieces,
Forbidding me to count the seconds alone.
In an hourless world,
I lost faith in hope.

The walls as my best friend.
My bed the only lover.
I'm content in waiting
For my torturous life to be over.

But you found me
Wrapped in passing seconds.
Prisoner to tic tic
Pacing in my head.

Where my skin
Tasted of decay.
And my claws retired
From scratching at the gates.

Given up on fighting,
Satisfied with thousand pound lungs.
A half timed beating,
Beneath my hollow ribs.

My souls began to thaw,
Clocks began to move.
All from your touch,
All from your air.

The big hand straightens.
And the small silences itself.
Opening my veins.
No more comically mocking my pain.

Your gentle hands piece together,
All the pieces I shattered.
Back to counting
All the seconds I'm alive.

My walls become acquaintances.
You replace my bed.
I'm not waiting,
This life won't end.

No longer bound
By the song of passing time.
Free from "tic toc",
It's a little less crowded in my head.

Warmth returns to my skin.
My hands click awake.
Not ready to scratch,
But to create.

There is no fight to give up.
Air quickly lifts my lungs.
There's a full paced beating,
Inside my glowing chest.

All because you touched me.
You kissed me.
With a calm fear,
You woke me from my sleep.

I want to love you
But I know I'm gonna die.
It's always been a dream
To die by your side.
Holding hands as I slip away,
I'm sorry that I couldn't stay.

You've done me wrong
And I can see that now.
But I still feel you here somehow.
Like drugs in my blood,
What have you done?
Your face flashes before my eyes,
Even months after I've said goodbye.

The nights I don't sleep,
I'm thinking of you.
This bed could be my tomb.
Cuz I'm dying here,
This was always my fear.

That one day you'd be too far gone,
And I live every day in your song.
Under your spell,
I guess you know me too well.
You know I could never stay away,
That's why you don't ever beg me to stay.

You know I'll be back,
But I'm scared that I won't.
Then you'll move on,
And I pray you don't.
Don't find someone new,
Because I'll never really get over you.

You were the first,
And I pray you'll be the last.
I don't know how,
But I'm trying to come back.

You made me sick with pain,
I nearly went insane.
But that's how love works,
It catches you; then it hurts.

And you're worth it all,
Every ache that made me fall.
On my knees screaming,
To whatever God will listen,
"Please make the pain fleeting".

So I let be,
And I let God take me.
Hoping he takes me to you.

Everyone says
True love is painful.
But the key is finding someone
Who is worth the pain.

You hurt me in ways
That your "love"
Could never make up for.

He loves me in ways
That heal the scars you made.

Maybe when my weak heart
Finally fails
Maybe when death
Takes me into the dark
I'll find you on the other side

They told me heaven
Is the ideal setting for your happiness.
And I have a feeling
My setting will have you
My love

In this world
We may never meet again
But I wait for the day
Death takes me to you

Our souls will break
From our earthly limitations
And finally my half
Will melt with yours
And balance will be restored

In another life
I'll have you
I just pray you'll have me too

I know it's wrong
To carry on like this.
But now that I have seen you again,
In ways that were too intricate
For me to unwind as a child,
And the love that i've come to know mundanely well
Is few and far,
I can't seem to keep you at arms length.
Because my arms are selfish
And my self-denial is anything but denial.

Maybe it's just a symptom of this pandemic.
My isolation has always
Brought me back to you.
And it could be wrong.
I could be leading you to the pyre,
Following blindly with a torch in hand.

Are you willing to be a martyr
For my narcissism?
A sacrifice to my selfish indulgence
Of another's attention?
But I know your blindness,
Your readiness to burn with a smile
As long as I lit the fire.

You're worth more than my oscillating indecisiveness.
You're a steady pillar
Holding up my contingency plans.
When will you crumble
And let me face the world
With true uncertainty?

As long as I have you,
I will always have something to be certain of.

Because I loved you once,
You will never die.
Isn’t that good enough?
My love has made you immortal.
Your memory is saved in the collective consciousness.
Thousands have read the details
Of how you have changed me,
How you took a child and turned her into
The heartbroken,
Brave but unsure woman I am today.

I loved you once,
Now you will never die
Because you live in my words
And my words will live eternally.
I have given you the gift
So many tragic heroes die searching for
And you are ungrateful.
How dare you return,
Again and again
Asking for more?

Isn’t it enough?
For me to have loved you once
With rage
With lust
With young pain
And eagerness.
I loved you like only a child can love,
And I am not a child anymore.

Is it selfishness or selflessness
That keeps you by my side?
Is it love or fear
That keeps you at my doorstep?
Has your immortality filled you with hubris.
Made you brave
But only at my fault?
Have I created a monster with my words
With my love
With my pain?