Today,
is Day of Silence at my school.
Today,
voices ring out to me because my silence
is their voice.
I cannot speak today,
oh what a challenge this will be.
I do this for my sister,
a victim of suicide.
lord, hear their voices.
Hear their voices,
hear your children
Do not fall to the depths of suicide.
Please,
hear it from me.
The process is painful.
The funeral is hard,
and after is worse.
Believe me,
it will get better.
Just gotta keep looking on.
Be strong,
keep your head up,
and love life,
*it's all you got

I will always choose
to break my own heart
than to break others'

I will always put
other people's happiness
before mine

It will always be okay
for my knees to be bruised
for my hands to be scarred
for my mind to be clouded
for my soul to be crushed
just to save others

And that's the sad thing

I've already established
that I come **second

It started with once a week.
"Just to calm my nerves"
Then twice a week.
"Not a big deal."
Thrice
"I'm fine"
Everyday.
Twice a day
"I'll be ok," you say "I only light up once in a while"
Since when dose  five times a day equal to once in a while?
"Im not like them" you say
But you are
Running,
Hiding,
Pushing it all away,
Just like them.
Then you stoped hiding behind the smoke.
You act happy
You pretend you're better
Fooling some, fooling yourself, but to me your crystal clear.
You're far from better
You stopped smoking.
But what of those marks?
Like rivers up your arm.
Paranoid you've become
"More" is your only care
You'll never catch the dragon
You're falling
Drowning
Dying
Outside showing your inner dread
The hunger is consuming you
Hiding it is no longer an option
Your mother is a mess, whose all alone
Your father, long dead
Friends stopped calling
So please wake up
We need you
I need you
So please
Kick this addiction
Tackle your demons
Now I'm starting to drown along side of you
I miss you, I need you
So please
Come home
I won't judge
I just want you whole again
Please...
Try again
Please...
Before we both slip away

The pain in your eyes,
your voice breaking as you speak,
it breaks me inside.

You've seen so much hurt,
experienced so much loss,
known so much heartache.

You are so **** young,
you should be so innocent
and yet, you are not.

As I read your poetry
I wonder if it's true
Do the demons that help in rhyme
Really have a hold of you

And is the one you say you love
Not returning you the favor
In the poems that you pen
Is this all your life's behavior

Does your father really raise his fist
While your mother screams
As alcohol flows freely in your life
Or is it just poetry

Are you on the verge of suicide
And do you truly cut yourself
Do you feel that worthless in your life
Is what you write a cry for help

As I read your poetry
It often sets me off to wonder
Do you write about yourself
Or do you write about another

Body shaking
Heart racing
Mind scattered
Feeling dizzy
Need help
Can't talk
Go away
Can't walk
Pass out
Why not cry a little too

Hello my name is anxiety

Each lie you've told me is etched into my skin,
whether it was each kiss, each caress you made.
Lied a new scar beneath, but one scar i don't regret was the whole that once filled my heart. It seemed like a mirror that i once thought showed the best in me. Until you dissipated, turning into a carnival mirror, that distorts appearances. Just as liars distort the truth.



© Emjay.A

I overthink situations a lot,
and yes it kills me inside slowly.
But somehow only you bring me back to life.
And now I'm in a cycle.
Slowly dying and coming back to life,
when I'm with you.
But its a sickening cycle i keep doing.

©Emjay.A

The most beautiful smiles come sometimes with tears,
The deepest feelings can come with distance.

The distance between me and you
cannot be measured in miles, or kilometres, hours of travelling, nor in any other unit invented by mankind;
it is measured in feelings and thoughts,
in dreams and longings
in "wish you were here" messages sent at 2:32am from a drunk heart who has forgotten the touch of a kind warm hand
it's measured in unsaid words and unshared laughs ,
in skin that has not been touched and tears that have not been wiped
in mental blocks caused by a picture you can't stop staring at
in mad driven souls screaming the same name endlessly
in hearts beating fast at the sound of a ringing phone,
it is measured in empty arms
in lonely walks at night
in the morning coffee poured in only one cup and tables for one at the restaurant
in cold beds
sleepless nights
in eyes that don't meet
lips becoming dry because of the absence of that special kiss.
It is measured in never coming true wishes.

Such a long, painful, distance between me and you
I will always be able to reach you
only with the fingertips
of my mind.