It hurt, it always hurt
But when it was with them,
It wasn’t so bad.
It wasn’t even bad, it was addictive.

In the world of unlikely friends
People like them
Were the equivalent of a shot of Jack
After a ****** up day or week.

Then he smashed that glass on my face
And forced himself on me.

He shoved his fingers in my ***
So hard I came.
Later that week he watched
Me get wet through my trousers,
In the mirror behind me.
All that from just a conversation.

And if it had been anyone else,
I would’ve kicked them out.
It was hardly a question of being unable to defend myself.

But in their hands
Pain and pleasure slept in the same bed.
In my bed, between my legs
And made out till dawn.

If it had been anyone else,
Heads would’ve rolled.
But he just gave me a painkiller
And rubbed benzodiazepine on my skin.

And somewhere between
Them pulling my hair
And threatening me
You know to make it feel more real

I fell in love...

loss of ego immortal wound
loss of possessions
greed
identity
bohemian hallways crumble
souls escape through backbends
spiders build webs
as Lucy learns to walk on legs

an eye is opening
showing us as one
becomes infinity
escapes zero
precedes the binary
in the absence of (time)
the crucial slit makes here/there
omnipupil primes the present

3 6 9 ...
5 8 13 ...
17 19 23 ...
everything you want
nothing how it seems

There's a word in Finnish
To describe an intetion
That could be translated
Only by using a combination
Of several English words.
"Sisu" means to endure,
To presevere, to be dauntless
And infernally stubborn.

As I sit in this modern train
Feeling the rails below me,
I watch the snow
That gives everything around me
A softly curving silhouette.
The cold bites in to my lips
Yet it is compassionate
In its dryness
And never cuts me to the bone.

I listen to the language
That gave my mouth
It's sharp edges
And it's gentle caress.
As I stroll around
These streets that were build
By the bare broken hands
Of our suppressed forefathers,
I come to sense
It's deepest truth of who they were.

Our fathers build houses of wood
And cut railways in to solid granite.
These men and women
Build homes that could go up in flames
And infrastructures that could last generations.
We have always worked for the future.

I think of my brother's words...
didn't you memorize the land marks?
I did... and I realise
That in this country we survive
On our memory of how to get back home.
If you lose your way, you die.
If you get cold, you die.

But maybe what these
Children that were born and raised
Under the watchful eye of Sisu
Need to come to understand
That we are no longer
Fighting to survive...

We are fighting to allow
The warmth of our hearts
Come out through our lips
And become visible
Even to those who no longer believe
That we posess such heat.