The pharmacist is not your friend
He may put you up in a high hotel
With slip streams of ****** pills
Paxil and Wellbutrin
Designed to defeat depression
To facilitate a fog like
Fugues of perfected moods
With drugs made to create
The perfect drone state
So you can pay your bills
So you can **** and sleep well
So you can keep your health
But it is poison
Kidney killing swill
And while you are under the influence
Perfectly sedated so you forget how to feel
One hand is in your pocket
Thinning your wallet draining dollar bills
While the other hand holds your heart
Crushing what is left of your already weakened will

Step one
Just take a little love
Call it just a flicker of
Family stuff
And spread to everyone one

Those cold crab legs let you scuttle away
To turn your pincers on other strays
Snap the trap
Clickkity clack

Deep blue eyes
Disguise those lies

The truth is
Your conditioning
Is breaking in
A new human trend

Not some human being
But a little monster
Social sociopath
Corporate ****
For capitol crack

It doesn’t matter that
Your siblings and your children
Are left bleeding
Broken little seedling
While you **** greedily
On the system that is treating them
Like some soft commodity
Like some factory fodder
Born to serve society

You sharpen your claws
With apathy
Your teeth drip
With inhumanity
Tongue lashes taste
Of violence and battery acid
While, mercy is a blue Martian
Or the Lockness
Like god who never helps the helpless
You are just another child
Of Corporation Echidna
The mother of all monsters

God is a lie.
I know this because you are Jesus himself.
Suicide watch you are but a sham.
A wolf in sheep's clothing.

I love you when we are naked.
I love him when he is inside me.
******. Fall. Climb.

I love him when he is kissing me.
Open mouthed gasps fall heavy.

He tells me he doesn't want to touch me too much-
he might get attached.

I wish he was sewn into my organs,
threaded between my ribs and heart.

He tells me how he will be murdered.
It runs in his family.
Premeditated death is practically genetic.
Something in his DNA that tells others:
**** THIS.

I just wish he would strangle me.
I wish he would spill my blood like communion and eat my flesh.
A church choir somewhere in the background hums.
The bells proceed to toll.

I am not afraid of him.

He tells me of his evil..
Something that slips in when he is sleeping.
Some part of him I have only caught glimpsing through his shame.

Something I can relate to.

I kissed daniel because
he made me feel like a little girl
and that's all I've ever wanted to stay.
I kissed him because
he made me feel like a live wire,
ready to sizzle
and pop
and maybe **** someone.
We can only hope.
I kissed him hard,
I kissed him wet
so I could feel the spit
break between our lips.
I kissed him good
and fast against the wall.
I kissed him goodnight
I kissed him good bye

2. He got me so high I coughed and drool came out of my mouth and
his friend asked
"hey.... Um are you okay?"
And I shook my head no,
but they didn't really care anyway.  And I walked down the long hallway in my tiny shorts so they could both see the sway of my ***,
the sway in the walk of someone
who has gone entirely mad.

3. Daniel said 37 is his last real year before he hits middle age.
And he's halfway through it.
And I'm turning 19 next month
and he says that's where the real fun is cause that means I've had a year
of adulthood to figure my **** out
and I've still decided to be a *****.
He says 19 will be my real slutty year, the year I turn this bag of meat
and bones into a **** star.
He says I'll always be the best.
He says I'll make it real real big.
He says he will watch me
******* another man while he's ******* someone else
in the next town he goes to

4. Daniel said I was evil.
I told him he was a horrible person and he pinned me down
and did the things horrible people do.
I asked him why he thought I was evil and he said he can see it in my eyes. Real cold and mean,
oh **** it's a real nice gleam.
Like sharpened knives and laughter when a chalkboard screeches.
He says I'll die within next year if I keep living like I am.
I guess he doesn't believe me
when I say I just really don't care.

5.
Bad girl bad girl sad girl they say.
Like how I can't make eye contact
and malls freak me out.
How I don't care how fast I drive my car cause I've got places to be,
like nowhere.
Knives don't scare me,
in fact,
cut me so I can show you how good
I am at not flinching.
Pull my hair and
pin my down and
I'll show you a good time babe,
cause this feels like love if
you're good enough at pretending. They call it self destruction,
I call it preservation.

Broken box
Society’s cold shoulder
Children grow older
People get colder
Humans become more animalistic
Incarcerated *******
Humans don’t deserve this
Barbarity

Our city
Needs clarity
Eyes upwards in isolation
Nocturnal
Echo location
With no manifestation of god
But the sun feels so good

Freedom forgotten
Lost to new conditioning
A tumor that gains a stronger claim
To an inmate’s brain

We are not improving our world
We are just pharmacist repositioning
The world’s pain

This is an echo
A poem
That I have written
A thousand times

This is a rainstorm
Of humanity
A shower of grace
With thundering compassion

This is a sunny day
Where people learn
Not to hate
Forget the warring ways
And say
We will be ok

This is a love story
Not in a book
But written in a look
In one daily act
And then another

This is humanity
A spark you see
Of what I want to believe
That you and me
And everyone we see
Can be kinder
Wiser
Not prone to the hate speech
Of rich political hucksters
Not working the will
Of loudmouth proselytizers
Picking up new text books
Not old dogmas

This is the hopeful promise
That I tender in this poem
We can be better

Brown is the new pink
It don’t matter what you think
A pretty man can make a pretty woman
It’s all about perspective
Gender neutral
Brown hair
Thick lip smile
Brown skin
Long lashes
Brown eyes
Strong arms
Brown is beautiful

I withdraw from you all
Conceal the depths of what I feel
Shadow my intent in poetry
Words that make the secret me real
But other actions detract from the facts
Of what I write
Daily life
Denies
What my writing implies
I am honest
Mostly
With others
Not really
Is this me
Am I a good person
To account for myself justly
Our am I just deftly
Deflecting responsibility
Is my modest genius
My disability
Is existences my exercise in futility
Self-mutilation in the form of humility
Acts of contrition in my comedy
I still don’t know
If I am a good person

Not every riddle has an answer
Some doors don’t have a key
Some people are too far gone
For even the kind hearted to reach

Vacant eyes
Skinny arms
Bruises
Bulges
Broken bodies
But there is beauty left
Somewhere in that tragic mess

Maybe I can find their code
Type it out so they will know
I cry out of love
And that is why I have to go

The cold comes in,
ricochets like a
tennis ball
off every
corner, crevice
pore, stormy
gusts of wind
I breathe in,
skin is no
barrier I am
the elements
carrier, organs
coastal &
lungs tidal sea,
I am nature
& nature is me.

He cannot take the violence
Cringing with every drop of life
Flinching with every human touch
Even tv violence is to much
Stomach knots up
And the shell hardens
As his head sinks in
And this hell envelopes him
Tv shootings wife beatings
Soldier bombing
Bullets flying
Every shadow is suspicion
Every stranger in his vision
A possible perpetrator
Another traitor
With loud noises
And sudden movements
Eyes avert
Shoulders slump
He stays away
Because the violence of life
Is just to much

The cosmos makes me cry
Like televised life
That lights my mortal eyes
Carl Sagan to Neil Tyson
Time spliced and atomized
Science realized
Generations inspired
I weep for lost time
I weep for lost space
I weep in wonder
Of what will be
What we lost
What we can see
And all possibilities
Between humanity
And me