Who knew… (Part 1)

Such a day would come
Where I find myself feeling guilty, alone and burdened by memories of you
Of us..
I did I best to be your girl and then one day your wife
At the tender age of 19
What did I know back then?
But it had been one of the best days of my life
I never looked back since
I thought my life had been set
But soon enough problems began to trickle into our small perfectly built-up world

The voice you so dearly loved and longed to hear over the phone suddenly sounded too shrill to you and annoyed you out of your mind
The eyes you looked into so deeply at times had soon turned into a sickening shade of purple—which you say was just the result of anger
The lips you so tenderly locked with your own—was ripped and bleeding
The body you loved to kiss and caress all of sudden repulsed and one fine day you decided that it would now serve as your new punching bag

Swinging to the left, then to the right
Punching up then down
You did what you thought was right
To see me so small and broken forcibly pushed to the corner
Brought you immense pleasure, to this day I cannot imagine why
Everything I did angered you
Nothing was ever good enough and everything was always flawed
My words were just useless noises filling up the air
Conversation had turned into torture
Every minute I spent with you lasted longer than the previous one
But living under the same roof was unbearable

Can you imagine, everything took place in the same house I had so lovingly decorated to my heart’s content
The place I spend my first days as a newly married bride
Was now broken and unrecognizable
The walls that once bared memories was now artfully decorated with holes from the endless hours of fighting
Streaked with blood from a sucker punch or kick one too many
Furniture we had bough to together now lay ruined and in pieces from the strength you didn’t know you had
Clothes which had selected for me with artistic eye and keen sense of fashion often ended ripped and torn from your groping hands and angry fits
The jewelry you surprised me with when traveling one of the many places in the world (Paris/Rome/Mexico/) now glittered in a thousand broken shiny pieces

But I picked myself up and shook everything off
Thinking that this was fate and what we were going through was just a rough patch and that hopefully one day everything would go back to normal
I took a deep breath and move forward
Never letting my patience waver or my temper rise
And helped you to your feet

I listened to your worries
I shared your burdens
I basked in your glory
I loved you when you were feeling down
And supported you during your times of need

But what did all that do
Our happiness was always so short-lived
For days to a month at home
Until the vicious cycle began all over again

There is nothing worse than that                                                                             Ugly evil that sweeps our calmness ...                                                                    Nobody likes evil and evil-doers                                                                             Simply because a good life is always                                                                      Pretty,great,and evil-free anytime ...                                                                       Evil's faces are greatly gloomy and                                                                        Even greatly dark anytime ...                                                                                 Evil never carries love                                                                                              Simply because love versus evil ...                                                                           Those faces of evil prevail only                                                                          When goodness is eliminated ...                                                                         Flowers and roses are never                                                                                In the evil's garden ...                                                                                           Evil never prevails ,but                                                                                        It will expire in the moment                                                                               When love expels it anytime ...                                                                         ____________________

Chips & dip, with a side of hip swaying seductive side dish. Still warm from the aftermath. My beds so full of your scent, it's been too long since I've seen your smile. Almost a month, pictures can't capture that moment.

*******-
He never could understand why his mom got high
At ten years old how could he expect to know
She invested in it
Introduced to her at 16
It lived in her  
The urges for it she couldn't control
She sold her soul to the dealer
Even fought and stole
But it has taken its toll
The ends of her nails where dead
Her hair frizzy and dried on her head
It ate away the muscles in her legs
Her lips pale
She was skinny an frail
Always thinking of her son
She would say stay away from this drug
Don't become like me
Getting high in secret
Not In front of him
Did her best to provide for him
Took him to school on time
Missed meals to make sure he was fed
Always kissed him goodnight in bed
To her he was also a drug
She'd do anything for him
Never frowned in front of him
Drowned him in her love
To him she was an angel God sent from above
But that didn't stop them from taking her son away
Forcing her to become clean
But her heart was breaking into two
Without him she was nothing
That same night she od
Died addicted to *******

Back on your face
In more than one place
Your cheap tricks to get rid of me didn't work to well
Instead I grew more and swelled
Blackened because of you picking at me
Left marks
Ignored my warnings
Ruined my fun
So I ruined what you liked the most
Right at the center of your face
For all to see
You thought when I went away
It was the end of me
But I just hid undercover
Waiting for the perfect moment
I show at the worst times
When you least expect it
And if somehow
You find a way to suppress me
I'll be back to show a third time

I'm waiting for the messages to be sent back, rejected. My hair unkept, heart wrecked. Smothered in the spilt coffee, because the nerves are bad again. Eating something so gross, you have to throw everything back up. I can't watch tv, or start a new series of books, I tell my brain im not ready for that commitment. So I'll sit, as cars pass by. I met an old lady, who saw the Grand Canyon seven times. My mom screamed," I'm losing my mind" I shut the door & walked away. There's no adventure, left inside. Just a catacomb of lost secerets, I'll die & die each day. But smile with a unearthly sernity. I like listening to people's wacked out theories about the universe. It's like doing **** on acid, while drinking ***** on the highway. Going 78. Even though you're only 19. This is a one way street, and baby im speeding.

All life's years are greatly ours                                                                                 Simply because we're amid them                                                                           In their pains and in their sufferings ...                                                                   Although they look short-lived or long-lived                                                         By us ,but                                                                                                                  We deeply and greatly suffer from many things                                                 In them ...                                                                                                                  All years are the same and we live                                                                         in their folds anytime,anywhere,and everywhere ...