Sometimes I forget what happiness is.
Is it a hug at the end of the day
Or paying the bills off right away?
Is it the feeling of rain when it's warm
Or a roof over my head while it storms?
Is it the arm around me while I sleep
Or the extra soft pillow upon which I weep?
Can it be both, or is it only one?
Is it practical or is it fun?
Can I afford to smile, even for a day?
What is happiness anyway?

Money calls me in and spits me out.
It helps me live then lets me down.
It takes the wheel, the tires squeal.
It finds me here, should I disappear?

I stand here, naked,
While you sit, fully clothed and comfortable.
I am cold and lonely, misunderstood and angry.
You are always cocky, happy to ignore me.
Forget it, no, I don't need anything.
Thanks for asking.
Maybe one day we will see eye to eye,
While I stand here, naked,
Afraid.

An anger so pure and deep
That it courses through you and rips open
Every sense of reality that you ever had
With insecurities so blatant and raw
That anyone can touch and feel the vulnerability inside
With cold, unfeeling hands
Molding the soft and warm mush within.

The monster lives inside you -
the beast of jealousy, self-doubt, anger turned toward your own skin.
A flash of disdain disarms you -
the pain of being doubted and disliked.
Charm and niceties distract you -
the temporary soothe of a kind gesture and word.
All the while the clock ticks.
Tick, tick, tick.
There is only so much time to dwell on the monster, disdain, and charm.
There is time left to live and love.
How will you spend your time?

I reach out to nothing,
Expecting something,
Something deep and beautiful,
Complex, hard to follow.

I reach out to nothing,
With a broken hand, weakened heart, and shattered soul,
Picking up the pieces as I go.

I reach out to nothing,
While it never reaches back.
Yet I keep on reaching.
I am hopeless like that.

Your electricity stretches from the heavens,
All the way down, down, deep into my core,
Penetrating all emptiness.
My heart stops and starts again.
A short-lived force of nature.