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Clarkia Jan 2017
Is it the playful chase
The innocent discovery
The carefree connectivity
Of our youth

Is it the outlined criteria
Designed and designated
Set by our dreams and goals
Set in stone to crumble

Is it that freeing moment
When we just knew
When I stood by his side
Through to death

Is it the messy memories
Of a drunken misfits dream
Leading us through the desert
To another bar of separation

Is it the calm convenience
The perfect formula for peace
The support we always craved
Which lacks desire

Or is it the wolf
That shattered all my illusions
Fostered my delusions
Shook me from my place of love

Cracked my DNA
Birthed my fear
Killed my nostalgia
Fueled my obsession

I don't know what love is after all
Does the Wolf hunt the bird as the bird pesters the Wolf from her place low in the sky?
  Jan 2017 Clarkia
ab
why do you look at me
like that?

like i am something
you are about to consume?

i can see you,
you winked at me,
didn't you?

i'm scared of touch,
i curl away with fear
at the slightest brush
of the skin.

please don't make me explain
to you
how scared i am
to go near your house.

it's not you,
it's my fear of what come next,
it's my fear of letting you down.

i'm scared to let people down.

i don't want
you
to
be
disappointed
in
me.

i don't exist for your approval,
yet i am empty.

i'm so lonely,
i have been for ages,
but i'm tired of confusing my
loneliness
for dark nights,
empty promises,
hollow "yes"s
and cold fingers.

do
not
touch
me
do
not
kiss
me
do
not
hold
me

i
am
too
fragile
for
you

i
will
break
~empty intentions, i can see them in your eyes
Clarkia Jan 2017
Certain dark habits
We don't shake
Embrace insanity
Prevent break

You were all just
So beautiful
Life lived in jest
Quite bountiful

So my shadows
Mark my madness
As I follow
My own quests
Clarkia Dec 2016
Her soul is like lace
Her eyes are like blue moonstones
Shimmering from the bottom of a clear lake
Clarkia Oct 2016
I dream of you
But can't see you
I desire for you
But can't be with you
I burn to know you
But won't reach out
You wouldn't reply anyway
Except in your efforts to follow me
The lover, the stalkee, the lover, the muse
There is nothing left for me to lose
Dreaming of the twins we'll never have
With the creeper, oh, how my heart's stabbed!
Don't ever follow me again
Regardless how we may be kin
Stay away from me, don't turn
Regardless how, for you, I burn
Clarkia Oct 2016
I awoke from a dream you made for me
Gripping at my thoughts for reality
Everything changed or fallen away
Deep this desire wishing to stray
Still I hold fast to the promises I made
Hiding you close in my mind's shade
Like dominos my life changed
Step by step all rearranged
In ways unimaginable
Because I met you
Clarkia Oct 2016
I don't hide anymore.
Still waiting to see you at my door.
Still looking out my shade.
Still holding close my blade.
Gold, green, brown, and sage.
The colors of your rage.
The colors of my kitchen countertop.
Still I can't believe you'd stop.
I heard that motorcycle-
I heard it.

— The End —