To know you never watched
A single video of mine
Never read
A single poem
Never followed
A single link
These are the parts
That break my heart
Because you don't believe me
When I say I see you
Because you don't see me

Another day of missing you.
When will this end?
When will my heart and soul move on?
My mind gets that it's a no go.
The rest of me is slow.
I love you.

You broke my heart wide open
Now it's just broken

I feel you
Missing me
Are you?
It's okay
The question is rhetorical
You don't have to answer

Certain dark habits
We don't shake
Embrace insanity
Prevent break

You were all just
So beautiful
Life lived in jest
Quite bountiful

So my shadows
Mark my madness
As I follow
My own quests

When I told my friend in 2018 that I had fallen in love with him he got angry with me.
So I went no contact.
When I dated my friend with benefits in 2018 and 2019 he was always angry with me.
When I fell in love with you
You got angry with me
So angry
It was your part of destroying our potential
I don't know why my love
Makes everyone so angry
But I'm never going to love
Or if I do it'll be a secret
Because my love provokes anger
And I cant take it anymore
I want to be love and be loved
And I'm a festering demon instead
My love
Brings out the demons
Of the people I feel it for
I give up
Will I always be alone?

Is it the playful chase
The innocent discovery
The carefree connectivity
Of our youth

Is it the outlined criteria
Designed and designated
Set by our dreams and goals
Set in stone to crumble

Is it that freeing moment
When we just knew
When I stood by his side
Through to death

Is it the messy memories
Of a drunken misfits dream
Leading us through the desert
To another bar of separation

Is it the calm convenience
The perfect formula for peace
The support we always craved
Which lacks desire

Or is it the wolf
That shattered all my illusions
Fostered my delusions
Shook me from my place of love

Cracked my DNA
Birthed my fear
Killed my nostalgia
Fueled my obsession

I don't know what love is after all

When I tell you I love you
I am really just saying
I love myself

I love you
I feel like
I love a wall

All you've done
The past year
Is prove to me
You are completely unlovable
And I love you anyway

Yes I over text
Yes I contact too much
Ok so I am annoying a f
A harraser
But I am never threatening
I would never hurt anyone
I only have good intentions for everyone
I only want everyone clothed, housed, fed
Happy, joyful, free, and fulfilled
So I have anxious attachment of over texting
Compulsive emailing
But I am not jealous or vindictive
I guess my behaivor is naturally controlling
But I try not to be
I try to be accepting and supportive
I am tired of feeling guilty
For being me

I have an easy and effortless healthy love
We are happily married and happily employed
Everyday in everyway we are getting closer together
He loves being married to me

Proposing on one knee
Pulling back the wedding veil
Standing looking through the large windows out over the ocean
Our cars in the driveway
Sitting together on a plane
Walking a red carpet
Surfing, dancing, snuggling
Sitting at the table working through conflict maturely

You were special to me
Now you are especially
Removed from my life
Not because you demanded it
But because I tired of ways
You insistently brought strife
I turned it around to peace
Communication and appreciation
Spreading light around in spite

You upset me so much
That I can't go to bed now
Without first
Cleaning the dishes
Instead of waiting until morning
Or I upset me so much
Whatever
Is there a difference?

What am I seeking
You don't have it

Meet in my safe space
The only place to keep my promise
Or you meet me nowhere

I wish I was my twin flame's twin flame
As far as I can tell
I am not

You took away all my reasons to believe
And left me with nothing
So I believe nothing.
Enjoy your lonely life.

Someday
Someone I love
Is going to love me
As much as I love you
And he will wife me the f up
And we will live
In matched effort
Loved ever after

I know it's been too late
For a year and a month
But can I please change my answer to
I want to make you love me
Because you could never hate me

The love remains
Missing you remains
I don't know you
Not like I did then
Not like I ever did
But I feel you
I vibrate with your presence
I feel enraptured
By my love for you
Unconditional
Everlasting
Unwavering
Quaking through
My unrequited heart
My soul at one with
Some essence of yours
Something you left behind
Unnoticed
That is mine

Cuffing season?
Welp my dating season joke just got retired
What is love

This was not the week to see you.
I am already so emotional.
As it is the 18 year anniversary of my husband's death.
There you are.
Old. A little fat. Balding.
Who am I kidding if you didn't hate me
I would love you forever
F* right the f* off
I deserve to be loved, cherished, and adored
Jah let me forget you

I woke to cry
Greiving love I'll never have
Lost in the depths of loneliness
Until I realized
It wasn't lack of love
That had me down
It was my newly tightened braces
Hurting like hell

Every year on my calendar
I mark this date
Trying to manifest
What felt like fate
Next year I won't
Beacuase I've lost faith
You'll be happy to know
I've forgotten your face
Forgotten the imagination
Of your taste
Lost all desire
To be back in your grace
Next year and moving forward
I'll leave this date blank

Onyx eyes
Granite hair
Agate skin
Amethyst heart
Labradorite soul
Moonstone energy
Ruby mind
Citrine intentions
---
Opal eyes
Golden hair
Rose quartz lips
Rhyolite heart
Sapphire soul
Jasper energy
Emerald mind
Citrine intentions

Today is going to be the best day of my life
I am going to accomplish my goals
I am going to bring to fruition
The harvest of what I've sown
The truth of how I've grown
I am going to bring forth
The manifestation of hard work
The results of all my efforts
To become the person
I always wanted to be
And have always been
Becoming and expanding into
A more effective projection
Of myself and my intentions
For this world to heal it
Just a little bit
And so will you

Why are you
The only person
I couldn't let go of
Because you were needed
To teach me
My attachment style
So I can heal it
I couldn't heal
What I couldn't see
As I discarded
Everybody

I was at the women's march
You were at the women's march

Not more then 20 feet in front of me
Walking in a straight line
Horizontal to the line I stood upon
Was she with you too
Are you that ****** daring
Because I may write her
Before I visit the police
I told you if I saw you here
I'd go to the police
I've seen you thrice

But I harassed you, too
In vengeance
In revenge
In a futile uprising of strength
That fizzled out into
Your next fix
So there it is:
I will see you soon

I was stalked at the women's march
Is that Irony?

That your father sent me
He said love him
Don't turn your back on him
Be there for him
Support him with your healing light
But when my light touches you
It changes from healing to disease
I cannot bring you healing
Joy or happiness
Only frustration and anger
As you bring me sorrow
I'm not saying I'm a shaman
But this is one healing
I was not strong enough for
And I failed you
And I failed your father
Good luck in healing yourself
Because that's all you've got
I don't care to hide it anymore
You already think I'm crazy, anyway.
I can't do anything for you
Even if my job is not finished
You are
And so I am

Sorry.
Tell your father.
You healed me, instead.

I came into your world
Then told you to get off my stage
I realize now
That didn't make sense
But you're coming to a stage near me
I've decided no matter how much
It will hurt if you don't see me
Or don't recognize me
I'm going to be there
I'm going to test fate
I'll be the beautiful blond
Sitting next to the beautiful redhead
You can't miss us

Standing overlooking nothing
With nothing before me
Everything within my fingertips
Everything I built
Everything I worked for
Standing on the precipe of meaning
And indifference
I miss you
And I wish I had more memories
But it's mostly a blur
Merry christmas
Bah humbug
I lookup at your planes
Your legacy
And me
I meant to get your recipes
It's too late
I will keep going

My intuition isn't broken?
So, then, you love me...
Or is it only broken
When it comes to you.

I am Darcy
And I am Elizabeth
And you are a phantom
That never existed

Dear Graham,
I hate you.
F off.
Sincerely,
Clarkia

I've broken a hundred communication promises to you
Come forward when you want to
You may not trust me
But I trust myself

Write me into your reality
However you see fit
This is my reality
I determine it
I am taking what is mine
I already have it

I don't hide anymore.
Still waiting to see you at my door.
Still looking out my shade.
Still holding close my blade.
Gold, green, brown, and sage.
The colors of your rage.
The colors of my kitchen countertop.
Still I can't believe you'd stop.
I heard that motorcycle-
I heard it.

like Walt Disney
You and I know each others bad sides
Let's get to know each others good sides
Just kidding I know
It'll never happen
You're too scared
And I'm too intimidating for everyone
Or maybe
I'm just not manipulatable enough
All I know is
*** the dream
I'm never getting married
I was married once
And like I said
Before I was widowed
I'll only marry once
I'm done with all 8 billion of you

I am filled with fear
I am filled with doubt
Still I'd spend every day
Of the rest of my life
Working to clear those out
And replace them with love
With you

If it's more then energy
If it's thought too
But you still won't call
Yet believe like I do
Just send the ring
With your broken promises, too
And I'll still have broken
All my rules for you

When he pulls me
There is no where to go
No where to meet him
But I still like it

I tried to make amends with you
But it was impossible
It was impossible
So I give up
No amends need ever be made
No amends will ever be made

I need you.
You make me smile when no one else can.
But I don't believe in needing people.
So
Don't tell anyone.
Especially not me.

You were worth a try
And you were worth pushing away
When you refused to reciprocate
Otherwise I'd of spent all my days
In your shadow waiting
Still six months later I love you
And ask myself
Whats the difference
I could have spent time in your shade
But my time is mine, loves renegade

Her soul is like lace
Her eyes are like blue moonstones
Shimmering from the bottom of a clear lake

I wish I could look into your eyes again
I really like you so much
But I don't like your friend zone
Goodbye

On my mother's side
It's my purpose to hide
It's my purpose to give
So long as I never live
It's my purpose to allow
You to take it all
It is written before I was born
My destiny that I should be torn
To bits and pieces for my sins
For ever trying to win
For any talent I have
You know they all are bad
Cut me down from every angle
Every personal thought entangle
In your web of lies and deceit
Begging to steal the shoes from my feet
Begging me to never succeed
Begging me to be in need
Wishing you had me in a sling
You stole my ******* engagement ring

I would like to believe
That my love is turning to dust
Caught in the leaves of the trees
Where you don't see me
It's starting to feel true
What will I sing
What will I write
If I come to feel nothing
For you

Maybe it was unrequited love
Maybe it was limmerance
Maybe it was unrequited decency
Maybe you truly are my twin flame
Soul contracted to sleep forever
Maybe you were guilty
Maybe you were innocent
Maybe you gaslit me
Maybe I was a predator
Maybe you are a narcissist
Maybe you are just like me
Good intentioned, misunderstood
Then again the time has come
And I want off that ride