Sad because you feel too much
Or mad because you can't feel a thing.
Greener grass beckons,
And you wave to it longingly.

Love the rise,
Hate the fall.
Melodramatic monotone of monotony.
Perishable Plateau.
Whisk me away into infinity.

Dead on arrival.
Dead to the world.
Dead as a doornail.

Stuff me back inside my body
Like clothes in a suitcase.
I fit. I promise.

I was there for a while,
The tops of my feet
Just skimming cloud nine.

Baby, I danced on air.

But then I looked down at the treetops,
And I traded paradise for earth.

Because I couldn't feel love or life or anything up there.
But on earth I can feel dead loveless human beings.
And aren't they worth that fall.

We're not what we were.
But I don't care about how we used to be,
I just want the us that we are now to make me happy.

We could harp on the past
And fake older versions of ourselves.
Or we can keep being our current selves
And hope for a future where we won't be plagued with doubt.

Cause rough is the life at sea,
But far better to bear the waves
Than to give into misery.

I can never seem to hold you
For very long.

But I kiss my fingertips after you're gone.

the emotion i'm most intuned with is (sadness disguised as) anger.
i'm angry (sad) that I am the way I am.
i'm angry (sad) that people can't fix me.
i'm angry (sad) that I keep being misunderstood by the people I thought knew me the best.

my stitches keep bursting open.
from beneath a red valley rushes towards the surface.

making eye contact with my reflection -
I am not looking at me.

i'm angry (sad) I can't feel the love others ****** towards me.
It doesn't feel real.
Disingenuous at best.
i'm angry (sad) everyone has their distraction  except for me.
i'm angry (sad) that my motivation is being weaned by anxiety.

The start of something reckless.
But recklessness comes in pairs.
So at least someone else would be here.

Even though I seemed fine.
You were supposed to hear it in my voice.
I thought you would sense it.
But you didn't answer the phone.
You were too busy to talk.
You wanted to sleep.

I could be reckless.
That would get your attention.
I could be foolish.
And get sent to detention.

But I will keep plucking
From my bag of generic responses.
I will keep adding
To my list of excuses.