Once I start writing
I cant ever stop

Maybe that's just how it is
Our train of thoughts never comes to a halt

We continue to ponder
Among the wonder
The world has to offer

It was always the "good night"
That makes you leave
Impatient for the sun
To come and for you to see
How it steals your darkness
From those eyes of yours
But you always keep it closed
And walk the road alone

in Duino
no access for us
to rainer maria's view
across the sea
from the castello

a servant of
il principe
   who owns the place
   and whom we happen
   not to know
bars our way
beyond the open gate

therefore:
no elegies

in september
the shadow of the arcades
is almost too cool

on the plaza
before the Romanesque church
children play soccer

their shouts
   pierce
the quietness

that radiates from the castle
   to the church
   and into the old town
   envelops the few
   customers of the osteria
   makes me want to write
   about us
   and the love in your eyes
over wine & ham
   & white bread
under vaulting walls

* *

wet cigarettes and broken bones
always swallowing words like blue
bruises in my mouth
you loved me one coffee ago,
don't bother sharpen your spine,
i'll never be yours or anyone else's
it would be acceptable to leave an
apology on your desk, but i'm not
sorry for leaving you, actually i'm sorry
for making you a home  in my veins
don't tell me you need me when i can't
even look you in the eyes
don't tell me you love me
when i can't say it back

her eyes flashing electric green,
her hand on mine in the night;
damp and warm and earthy like
the forest floor, her skin ethereal,
almost crystalline, translucent,
burning hot when i touch it
burning cold when i don't
all of them thrown from their homes,
all of them motherless,  fatherless,
all of them lost and afraid and doing
things that  put them in danger just
to stay alive for some hours
they teach me how to breathe, how
not to fear, how not to depend
i run through their world bare foot,
wild-eyed and naive
but i’ve only just learnt how to walk
and i’m tired, sweat falls down my back
like tears and i feel her gaze digging
into my flesh and around my flesh
just like clothes you can't take off
i am always aware of the constant ticking,
of getting  closer and closer to the point
where i have to leave,  do what is expected
of me, do what they say; grow up just
like blue flowers do
i stretch my arms across her all night;
i press myself into her in the hope that
i will dissipate into her blood stream
i could never love her how she needed me to,
i never learnt how to hold her hands
because she needed me to hold onto them
too tightly and my fingers were never
able to grasp at things when she was near
i never could explain that being with
someone so dangerous was the first time
i ever felt safe, holding her up made me
weaker than i thought

i want to tell you the truth  
everything hurts, my organs
are  filled with black rocks and
i can't write poetry without gaining
weight, sometimes i wake up
in the middle of the night trying
to convince myself that i'm still alive
i’ve stopped eating anything but
apples and your pastel pink tongue
i want to tell you the truth
that my heart is a collection of
boys who  didn’t ask for my name
only whispered words like beautiful
into my neck, only painted words
like obsession  on my spine
i want to tell you the truth
when i cross the streets i close my
eyes and the thought of dying
doesn't make me cry anymore
i want to tell you the truth
last friday i got so angry at you
that i nearly burned all of my
poems, i threw a plate at my door
and cleaned up the blood saturday
i want to tell you the truth
that i am made of stone, my hands
are never warm, my skin will be grey
my soul is aching because you’ve
made it empty
i want to tell you the truth
i still love you, i still care about you
but when you ask how i'm doing
i'll say that i don't know you anymore

but all you will hear is "i'm fine"