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Lights had flickered as you turn unto my street block

The racing thoughts in my head had dissipated from the lack of oxygen to my brain  when you pulled up

Knowing what I wanted knowingly was you,
only meant trouble and no real answers at all coming from you this was nothing but setting me up

I don't come into this relation for a temporary hookup
them the words you spoke before you showed up

Let's not mess this up
Uncertainty
Its the worst feeling in the world; knowing that you loved someone who drove you to near madness.
Someone who chipped away at your sanity; bruised you, twisted you mentally, damaged you in irreparable ways.
Every day you try to heal, forget, but there is a hollow part inside of you that will never be the same again.
It's the worst feeling in the world to be crushed by someone you love, even when you knew that loving them wasn't in your own best interest.
You knew that something was off.
You knew you should have run; gone far away from the toxic vapor released by the relationship.
It was a chain reaction; each product driving you even further into madness.
They manipulated you.
Lied to you.
Faked their affections.
Tried to use you.
You let them. Just a little.
But you caught yourself just in time.
You saved yourself.
You escaped.
Even when they played you right until the very end.
You like who you are in the aftermath.
You relish the strength you feel being free from his clutches.
You adore knowing that you outsmarted even the worst of the narcissists.
But the paranoia remains.
It finds you.
In the night; in the day.
Around every corner.
But you will be free.
You will be okay.
It was the worst feeling in the world.
But it's over.
You survived.
They may have tried to crush you, but you remain whole even still.
In the end, they did not win.
They never will.
Perhaps you may feel damaged, but you will rebuild.
And you will learn.
 Mar 2017 Christopher Black
Torin
With my destruction
Once the boral terracotta
Sinks below the the rising sea

My roots have known
Long before the leaves
There is no sun left for me

And blonde is the only color I see
Not these black and starving nights
Not these screaming banshees white

Halfway inbetween
Cantilever bridge
When I want to turn back

My eyes have known
Only a little of the light
The morning brings

When I'm cured of my disease
I no longer need to fight
And blonde is the only color
 Mar 2017 Christopher Black
Torin
I spend as I can
While nothing in my hand
                Give me an out
It wasn't meant to be this way
It's cold most every day
                Give me an out
I starve if I must
In a life where not is just
                Give me an out
           Give me an out
      Give me relief
Give me some peace

I stand when I can
I fall on demand
              Give me an out
                         Save me from myself
              Give me an out
              Give me an out
              Give me an up
              Give me an out
I know what is right
I fail to keep the fight
              Give me an out
A reason
Anything
 Mar 2017 Christopher Black
Torin
She is beautiful to me
There is an edge
Far above
The water
There is the water
Far below
An edge

Jump if no ones looking
No one knows
I give it my all
Give it my body

She is beautiful to me
The water is pure
Is innocent
The water
And my sinning self
May die happy
Drowning in her loving arms

There is an edge
There is an end
There is a truth
There is a peace

I jump when no ones looking
Still she cares
I give it my all
Give it my soul

She is beautiful to me
 Mar 2017 Christopher Black
Torin
When reason becomes unreasonable
I tear at the edge of the sky
And **** myself
To cancel my scars

Its so much bigger
So much
It is a massacre of the mind
And the way to reach the stars

My middling heart

I call your name

Knowing you could never save me
 Mar 2017 Christopher Black
J
the last time i left you
i was livid.
i was shaking in anger and i was hurt
i was shaken to my core.
the last time i left you
my throat was closed and my voice thick with tears
i tried not to cry the whole ride home.
i sat there in silence while my best friend comforted me, and told me who you really were - the person i was too blind to see.
this time when i left you
it was friendly,
it was cordial
and i'm looking forward to seeing you again.
i'm glad you're happy now
i'm glad you're doing what you love
i'm glad you're alive and want to continue to live.
now i'm glad you did what you did to me
because i have finally found something real and true.
i have written about how much i hate and despise you
but i don't hate you anymore.
thank you for putting me and my emotions through hell. because of you, i found something real and true.
how many foreigners do you have to let travel across your body
to feel the way you did before he broke you
darling they don't fit inside the holes he left
you know better than to believe this is how you forget
burn the bed sheets he laid on, the only place he ever wanted you
shred apart all of the memories until the pieces are too minuscule for your mind to replay
learn to breathe without his hand in yours
and he will feel it, when your heart stops wanting him
silently remind him you are the best thing he ever lost
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