i've got paper cuts from every passing chapter
i belong to no one
and no one belongs to me
i see it as feeling free
with something still missing
and with what do we fill these painful voids?
we fill our emptiness with the presently absent soul of another
both moving through the different passing energies with one another
while sharing secrets and our softest skin
sharing feelings and inspirations and visions within
and then when the void finally overflows and heals
why do so many people then walk away?

a piece of you, in a different form.
a piece left over, from the storm.
in my existance,
came all the resistance.
shortly after, the roof caved in.
& with an end, we watched it begin.
daddy left, you stepped up.
an empty glass, you filled the cup.
little did we know, it had a leak.
it's dripping slowly, as we speak.
over bumps we built bridges, rocky roads we held hands.
next to me, by my side...you'd always stand.

then, my hero ****** up.
he spilt the cup.
but he wasn't to blame,
no guiltiness, no shame.
you mopped the floor,
and again..you poured.
the cup freshly filled...
until the next spill.
the crack grew longer,
our bond grew stronger.
but little by little,
it grew too brittle.

his pillows were fluffed.
mine came unstuffed.
his blankets were warm.
mine came torn.
his bed was made.
but, you see i was afraid.
he didn't come home.
my secret is left : unknown.

i hit a blindspot in your rearview mirror.
i tried to hit the wipers so you'd see clearer.
& i tried with all my might.
to get into your sight.
but he was standing there, in the headlights.
& you...flicked on your brights.
there, i stopped, i tumbled...i fell.
no mean to get up, no energy to compell.

so now, i'll try and help you understand,
why i only hold plastic cups in my hand.
i was tired of competing with the one who broke the cup.
and watching, everytime, as you filled it up.
i was tired of running, when he got to walk.
i was tired of staying silent, when he got to talk.
i didn't know you had to fail, in order to win.
i didn't know you had to say goodbye, in order to begin.

In a heartless world
of on-demand,
You and I
had better plans.

We spoke our dreams,
And we fought the man.
None of my friends,
could understand.  

When it came to what it was,
that we'd do,
we never really fully ever,
thought it through.

It always ended up,
With me and you,

Just laughing at each other.


So very many times,
Out in the cold,
Your bright red honda,
with the windows rolled.

You'd nuzzle right in,
so warm and bold,
A deep gentle calm,
to my roaming soul.

Yes I held you tight,
and I let you know,
That all of our memories
would never go.

You'd lean in,
we'd seize our moment,
Both of us,
dying to hold it.

I'd kiss your head,
Wish you a safe ride,
Watched you go,
as I walked inside.

I caught every kiss
that you blew my way,
Each and Every time
As you pulled away.

There is not a word,
that I can say,
used to describe,
How I feel today

Never thought that,
I would see this day,
When it's you and I,
On our separate ways.

Just another burn hole,
In the page,
Just another wrinkle,
Showing age.

Today I woke up and all I wanted with my entire being was for someone to be there next to me to tickle my back.

That's all just someone to tickle my back.

Most days I'm totally okay with being alone but it's moments like this when I crave the company of another.

To be able to call them in the morning and ask them to come over for the day.
                                                                    
And lay in bed all day watching Disney movies wrapped up in each other, exchanging light kisses and inside jokes.

Because there is nothing better than having your back tickled and nothing worse than there being no one to do it.

It was a forbidden love from long ago. Still whispering softly after years and years. It won't stop until it winds around again, dangerously entangling two lives separate. Her heart skips a beat, hasn't done this since years long gone past. What is this!?! She suddenly can't stop the fluttering, she smiles, remembering innocent tender embraces. His plump rosy childish lips. Hers. So similar they were bound by the laws of the universe to meet again, no amount of time or distance could keep them apart. Secret lovers, unbearably passionate that no one but they alone will ever understand. And she waits. Because she knows the power of this and the inevitable. She waits with a hidden smile of joy in her heart. Waiting for his words that will cover her body. They only need a quick glance, to know that yes! This does exist! A forbidden love that can only be allowed to entwine once in a pink full moon. To spare the heartbreak it would cost to others, and knowing that only this way would it ever feel like this any way, to meet more than once in a pink moon would destroy the pureness of this, thing. To remain hidden, known only to the two of them. But this passion makes them to better love the one who awaits at home. The rock at home that each needs to hang on to because to let their wild hearts go recklessly would break them forever. Break the rocks and these star-crossed lovers. Only once when a pink moon comes about, and the universe is forced to unite two hearts again in their strange entangled lives.

Laying in an ice cold room,
IV in my hand,
I close my eyes and plead with god
Trying to understand .

" im sorry we cant save it ,
But theres a chance that you could die;
I know your in a lot of pain
And Its ok to cry ".

I feel my husband squeeze my arm,
Im trembling in fright  ,
Im sad and im defeated
And I dont have that much fight .

" Your bleeding into your belly
We need to operate right now ,
Continue to be strong for us "...
.....But i just dont know how.

A foggy conversation ,
And their whisking me away ,
My eyelids get real heavy
And i just start to pray.

Waking up to quiet ,
Im tired and im sore ,
Depressed without a baby
On the maternity floor.

God must have a plan for me
That i just can not see ;
Even through our struggles
Whats meant to be ...
Will be .