Remembering the game I couldn't tell you.
But the hot dog, peanuts, ******* jacks and soda was there.
I didn't understand the rules as I listened to the commentator.
The calming voice and discussions between each pitch.

Remembering the game I couldn't tell you.
But being able to go to Ozone Park to see my grandparents.
I didn't understand the rules as I listened to the commentator.
As I sat on the floor in their living room with grandmas chocolate pudding.

Remembering the game I couldn't tell you.
But being able to watch my friends play softball at Randal Park.
I didn't understand the rules and there was no commentator.
As I was nominated to be the catcher for  just a moment or two.

Remembering the game I couldn't tell you.
But as I once again can relax somewhat in my head laying in bed.
I didn't understand the rules as I listened to the commentator.
The calming voice on the other end was just as calming too.

CMH

A bright blue light
     which sparks up the night.

The tremble of the ground
     as the water comes down.

The smacks and plopping
     of the drips dropping.

The wind as it swirls
     watching puddles doing twirls.

The blue light stops
and there are no drops
and the trembles are no longer beneath.*


CMH

For the past years, your existence didn't matter.
For the coming years, your existence will always matter.

A wave of balance is coming near.
Patience lessening with each tear.
Keeping positive and not have fear.
It will soon be and everything will be clear.

You have been gone for so long now.
But I feel you all around me, guiding me.
Helping me now to be me, open up and be strong.
I see all these years you have came to me through other mother's eyes.
My friends mothers were there to help you guide me.
But from MaMa to MAA to Mom there may not ever be
someone that would take the place of the one I always called Mommy.

I watched how he walks from a young girls eyes.
The steps he takes to go from room to room down the hall
So determined, strong and straight forward.
I avoid, annoyed and walking through my own rooms and halls.
One day as his pace slowed to a stop, my body stiffening
holding my school books tighter and tighter.
He jokingly leaned his arm on the wall above my head and spoke words still to this day I do not remember.
But his voice so calm, caring and remembering his eyes shook me.

Many years have come and gone.
There was pain, happiness and what I thought was to be my life not knowing, understanding life missed.
Blocking out the bad you block out the good.
My body stiffened with fear and dismay of what I thought I should be or do.
Moving place to place thinking it will be better.
Not having, making roots, avoiding hurt.

As I sat by my computer with chills from fever.
this dismay of steps I had to learn to make to change my life, my future.
Searching for, learning as I chat with friends from long ago, who remembered my strength, faith and love.
As I start to remember me and what is in me.
I look at old pictures of mine and friends shared.
Only to see those eyes that shook me.

His words are still calm and caring, His heart as big and kind. His strength, anger, dismay understood.  But so many years have come and gone.
I don't not know how to explain. His arms so strong around me, His lips kiss so soft and wanting.
Misunderstood stiffening of my body from his touch.
Only to realize it was stiffening of want, not to avoid and run.
But to stay.......


CMH