Stars are out
A few too many for a one track mind
To count
The scenery is like a matte painting
Where the artist
Simply forgot to finish

This December moon
Hangs a bit lower in the sky
Than I remember
Your hands feel icy
But if I turned my head
Your gaze would be colder still

My desires are self-evident
While yours flutter
And flitter in the winter breeze
There are no shooting stars left
They've all been shot down
Leaving dust to fall around us

Our lips used to crash
Along this horizon line
Saturated by a fountain of youth
But this phase has ended
We are waning like the moon
Waiting to be made new again

I stand upon the ledge overlooking the world
And I wish that I had wings
I try to fly, try to sail away
Into the comfort of your dreams
But just like all the times before
I can't keep this air beneath me
So here I am now, just a broken man
Pieces of the wreckage I knew I'd be

I walk upon the edge of the ocean
And I let the tides heal my wounded feet
My footprints along this shoreline
Have become a history incomplete
But the horizon turns the pages
On all my forgotten days
So here I am, a broken man
As the waves carry me away

It feels so cold out here tonight
My warmth has all but floated away
It's been quiet here out on the water
But the voice in my soul has more to say
I'm still here, still the same broken man
Pieces of the wreckage I knew I'd be
But after all this, barely adrift, barely alive
Did I find you, in the remains of me?

We were the exception to the rule
We were the silence in the wind
We were the weapons of mass destruction
We were the end in every friend

We were the moonlight in the daytime
We were the covenant of emptiness
We were the broken raft on the beach
We were the clumsy in clumsiness

We were the railroad headed nowhere
We were the meteors in the atmosphere
We were the liars in the candlelight
We were the dry eyes behind the tears

We were the serpents in the underbrush
We were the venom in the veins
We were once the pillars, yet now the pillaged
We were once the sun, yet now the rains

I'm chased by demons
But I'm not sure I want to get away
Branded by blissful consequences
I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to bring rhythm
To these chaotic days

Are you the plague on my heart?
Or the antidote I've been waiting on?
Are you dawn that floods this darkened room?
Or the black hole absorbing everything?

I'm chased by demons
But I'm not sure I care who catches me first
Branded by blissful consequences
It's clear I have no hope of ever quenching
This undeniable thirst

Are you the wooden door to my memories?
Or the padlock resting against it?
Are you the blood coursing through these veins?
Or the edges drawing it from these open wounds?

So you weave an elaborate tale
And you feed the endless consumption
But when it all
Comes down
To the truths, the rights, and the wrongs

You're just a coward
A foundation of putty and lies
Days are dwindling
And your roots
Are showing to be brittle and breakable

Wretched
The stains of red seep deeper
And deeper within my soul
Befitting that it would come to this
As my colors erode
And my heaven explodes

Terrified
Balancing on a highwire
Raised ever higher
Westerly winds and a scarecrow's smile
Cause a bleach to rain
And lovesick ignorance to feign

Granted
Take me there and leave
Every splotch of innocence
Shrouds me in handwoven temptations
Save me from all their comfortable lies
Save me from becoming a dead man's prize

I raise the blinds to let the world in
Fix your coffee just to see you smile
Footfalls echo throughout the hallway
And I want to stay here for a while
I hear the shower running
Knowing how hot you like the water
I reflect on the evolution of us
And how our love burned even hotter
Simple complexity is our principle
Our imbalance is a shortened fuse
I dream of different happy endings
You dream of life as a muse
I hear the hum of Adele through walls
Amazing all that a heart can distort
This love born in a summer haze
Is flatlining on fall's life support
I grab my keys and wallet
Yet leave my prudence on the table
Goodbye is never uttered
Because tomorrow is always unstable

I've never given much thought
To an afterlife
If it's as empty as life itself
I'm not sure there's even a point
If it's as painful as the loneliness
I've endured for you
I don't think I care to see it
I'm better off slowly killing myself
I've never given much thought
To the dreams we dream
As the air escapes our lungs
And as our heartbeat finally stops
But if I dream of us together
The way I always wanted us to be
Then maybe it's time to close my eyes
And never lift their weights again

Slowly
Surely
Inevitably
We gather round to sing perpetual praises
While subtly taking jabs at the merry masters

Their chatter is chaos in our hearts
And in our ears it rings endlessly
Their balance is impeccable
But we possess unbreakable destiny

Dying
Rotting
Finitely
We dissolve into the soil of meager meadows
And evolve into cedars of circumstance

These roots will become our legacy
And proof of their coveted love
The branches will become our sanctity
Reaching worlds beyond these frail bodies

You read the book of life
But you can't turn the pages
And your plants are all made of lead
Another door slams
But you break right through
Still leaving your thoughts unsaid
Lucy loves John
But George loves Lucy
And now they're all in the sky
The eagle has landed
But he'll take it easy
Watching the whole world cry

When one twin falls
The other follows
Bringing us to our knees
How the pain overwhelms
When a thousand voices
Become a thousand lost memories
There's no comfortable in change
No cushion from the fall
The sirens ring out all around me
Still I can't move, can't even crawl

Images flash by like lightning
And it leaves an aching in me
What hurts most is the price we pay
To make us cry, make us bleed
Freedom is singing a forgotten song
When it's confined here inside these walls
Freedom is ringing, but the machine picks up
To find you weren't home at all
The lights are on but no one's there
My shield is strong, but my will is weak
The camera captures the great unknown
We fight back nightmares and a restless sleep

Show me all of your confusion
Paint it all in black and white
If it's sin you want, then it's sin we have
No color could change that light
I've walked the road to Eden
I know how the story will end
I still taste the apple everytime
I still break before I bend
The carousel spins itself off its post
Landing where angels dare not tread
Show me all of your confusion
As blood spills from forgotten dead

Some days the world is just a playground
Where the weak just pretend to be strong
Sometimes the voices down here are quiet
Waiting on a coward to finish his song
And time plays the part
Of the enemies we can't see
The muse has worked for the millionth time
In a life that will never be free

Wondering if the pieces will fit after all this time
Hoping you'll still shine your smile
Tasting salt in the water of the wishing well
You're so perfectly in denial
Shouting at angels on the freeway
You think redemption can be bought
But each passing day makes you realize
Forgiveness costs more than you thought

A sweet summer song drifts over the hills
You wish the echoes would never leave
A man in chains is no man at all
I remember you, the stains on your sleeve
Forgetting the path you took to get here
Neglecting the oath that you gave
Regret fills your every waking moment
Becoming just another melody to save

The devil calls for another life
We see his face, and we see her smile
He deserves his fate, and he waits in line
To end the waste, to end the trial
It's picturesque
It's all just a dangerous game
The first one to the edge of forever
Is the last one clinging to shame

These empty rooms, and these painted walls
I'm daydreaming on my way to the moon
The darkened sky, and the reasons why
It's just another artificial afternoon
The stars have faded and burned away
The endlessness still exists in here
I walked right into the pale sunset
And all I've ever been disappears

You find that failure, takes everything it wants
Leaving the doubts and broken dreams
But then patience pays for everything
A flood of emotion starts to tear your seams
You watch the daybreak, and wonder
If you will ever be what they need you to be
The words tremble as they dance across your lips
Their newborn eyes, staring up to see

My world distorts around me
I seem stuck in two swirling dimensions
These photographs are just faded sketches
Of a life I no longer remember

Climbing, falling, heaven and hell calling
My feet are cut by splintered halos
I would stand on ceremony
But my knees are buckling and losing strength

Slipping, sliding, sun and moon colliding
I dance with these apparitions rising
My heart is heavy but my burdens light
While this cataclysmic civil war rages into dawn

There's an aperture in my memory
And I feel my sanity spilling out
Each step I feel the vertigo growing stronger
Am I a caricature for an audience of one?

He wants to sail to the stars
Grab onto heaven's gate on his way by
Yet he burns with anger
Love no longer orbits his heart anymore

The words, like meteors, fall from his careless mouth
There's no comet's tail to ride on anymore
For he's burning with anger
In a world where no one can hear him scream

The dust of his dreams loiters aimlessly
Adrift in the vacuum of everything
And he has finally burned out with anger
A brilliant supernova fading into black

Send me in a new direction
Where your footsteps tell me that I belong
Rain-drenched hair, dirt under my nails
And desperate futures locked tightly in a box

My dreams are all in foreign language
And my compass spins around aimlessly
The way back under your peaceful sky
Is accompanied by storms and bittersweet memories

I can't erase the past, so I will paint anew
This trail has been mired with ambivalence
For through the games we've won, and the stakes we've lost
My love for you has never failed

If I had a wall between myself and truth
I'd climb it, but only halfway
For beyond a point there is no handhold

If my eyes are plotting against me
Don't tell me, because blindness
Is a place where the world is brighter

I won't second guess my decisions
For I'm second best, and that I accept
As a wanderer of this broken earth

I cannot lay about any longer
I'm restless, no sleep comes
To the spirit that elicits this enterprise

She smokes her last cigarette
While waiting on the light to change her mind
Because at the corner of bent and broken
Green means stop, and red means go

Her world is just a snowglobe
In the hands of an innocent child
Here at the corner of bent and broken
The snowflakes fall but they never melt

She stares at the lights in the town square
Neon signs flicker, then burn completely out
Here at the corner of bent and broken
The blackout burns brighter than the sun

She is fully conscious of all the subtle things
That turn her rusted wheels and brake her speeding heart
Because at the corner of bent and broken
The collision is the truth behind a forgotten smile

We clean up debris and stitch wounds, but our lips are stitched far more tightly than we first believed.  We are basking in the silhouette of silver skylines, but these vacant voices are maddening in the deep quiet.  I've watched for years as our laughter faded, from a medicine delivered through strands of innocence, to the subtle poisons of dying youth.

And it makes me wonder,

Am I so crumpled that
I can't defend myself from seduction?
Have I even once been amended since
My evils were birthed into this chaos?
Am I really so callous that
I ignore the pleas of my heartbeat?
Are we all so burdened that
The beast doesn't even matter anymore?
Is it so far-fetched to ask for my own exile
From mankind's tragic grand finale?

He is a pariah
Tossed aside like a scrap of food
Antiquated
Ever-changing like a demon's mood
His words are pale
Like leaves blowing in the wind
His eyes are a stark contrast
Dancing among hues as he transcends
He is a smuggler
Housing the secrets of a generation
A benevolent rain is falling
In this desert of hibernation
He dreams in allegory
Brandishing an army of mystery
Waking up only starts the dream again
To stare down barrels of his own artillery

When push comes to shove
And hate turns to love
We clamp down until fingernails break the skin

He curses his dastardly shadow
And looses his cowardly arrow
All without aiming for the heart deep within

We break molds with our sadness
Make bold statements in madness
Knowing there are more wishes than wells to grant them

Set in motion by dying cultures
We leave bait for the vultures
Exasperated children, we have no men left to defend them

When you lay down
In a swamp disguised as a queen-sized bed
Everything is magnified, and mystified
Dreams stray every which way from here
In these broken and calloused lives
We take devils as wives, and use glances as knives
Turning our heads to needless massacres

When the lights grow dim
We find blood in the wishing well
Every savior is synthesized, and desensitized
A fleeting infancy in exchange for plodding demise
It's time to deny captors pleasure from pain
Because blood rusts chains, and covers us in rain
No longer bound by the rules of the world

There's a fantasy we all share
You know the one I'm talking about
The one where real life doesn't exist
Where cancer evaporates like water
And where anguish isn't even a word

It's the one where she leaves her husband for you
Just because you've loved her now for years
It's the one where your children
See a father that isn't battered and broken down

It's the one where instead of missing the subway
You made it in the nick of time
And the man of your dreams sat right across from you
Reading the Wall Street Journal
And half-smiling the way you've always dreamed he would

It's the one where shadows are empty threats
And the long register of mistakes I've made
Are just pieces of crumpled paper
Discarded on an old, wooden, floor

I trip over another word
Yet I'm suddenly speechless
At the realization that we have no dialogue
My hands begin to quiver at the sounds
Of your voice, and of your name
But suddenly, all is calm here in the dark

I take another drink
Yet I'm suddenly sober
At the realization that there is no going home
My mind starts to swim beyond doubts
Beyond streams, and beyond oceans
But suddenly, there's nowhere left to swim

Our bodies overrode
Every last reasonable thought
A ring encircled your finger
But our love could never be bought
I backed you up against the wall
Passion surging as lips collided
I poured my soul into that kiss
The beat of my heart could not be silent
I ascended into the stratosphere
As I descended further into madness
The more my lips tasted your every paintbrush
The more residue adorned my canvas
Months went by in a single blink
Like a million lightning crashes
My hands explored your every inch
Until we were blind from all the flashes
Bitemarks and dripping sweat
Lovesick lust burning through a fever
"I love you," was whispered in your ear
"I love you too," made me a believer
Wrapping your legs tightly around
As I ****** myself inside of you
I never once stopped to consider
The repercussions of our love's tattoo
You shattered me, tattered me
And tore me completely to shreds
But the way I ****** you, and loved you
We should have never left the bed

Borrowed time.
It's easier to digest when it chokes you before you swallow.
Faceless and undefined.
That's all I am.
That's all I'll ever be.

No.
I will not.
I will not waver.
I will not waver from my purpose.

Circumstances.
They prevent me from patronizing the man in the mirror.
The mirror insults back.
Far better than I do.
Because he's far better than I've come to be.

No.
I will not.
I will not destroy.
I will not destroy the foundation of all I've become.

Petty.
It's so very petty of me to begrudge a man his prize.
I should walk away.
I should have bolted the door years ago.
Tossed the key into the deepest abyss.

No.
I will not.
I will not retrace.
I will not retrace the steps that led me to you.

If this atmosphere is casual
She is stark-naked in the aftermath
This pain is ever so gradual
Slippery slopes on a primrose path

She mails envelopes to Cloud 9
Always marked "return to sender"
Her parade is just an empty line, but
While skin is tough, the heart is tender

The Ferris wheel is broken down
But she prefers them stationary
Isolation chokes in this abandoned town
But breathing has now become secondary

She leaves her high heels on the carousel
Remembering every last heart she's severed
She glides past the carnival like a gazelle
And barefooted, skips into forever

If I had been around in '41
I feel I would have mattered more
Made a handful less mistakes
And fought for lives on foreign shores

I would have championed for freedoms
For colors beyond my own skin
To speak and worship freely
To be free from the fears within

I would watch my innocence crumble
At Bette Davis and those starlit eyes
How Rita Hayworth would corrupt me
With legs made to victimize

The day I'd enlist to serve my country
How scared my mother would be
Sitting in her morning chair all evening
Pretending there were no tears to see

Maybe my father would actually notice
A young man that needed his time
A boy that needed a little shove
To dream bigger than the painted lines

I would have worked til' my fingers bled
To see Joltin' Joe hit safe in 56
To witness the magic of Beantown
And Teddy Ballgame getting in his licks

I can only imagine my heartbeat
Holding her hand in the freezing rain
Knowing tomorrow, I'd be off to Hell
Knowing I may never see her face again

I would've taken the A train with her
Just because Ella and Duke told us to
Danced her up and down Sugar Hill
Til' there was only one thing left to do

We would've driven a coupe by starlight
Til' we were running only on dreams
Break into a farm at the edge of town
And lay silent til' roosters screamed

I would have left my fedora in the backseat
Kissed her lips and swallowed my doubt
Waved from a train headed for Carolina
Feeling knots I'd only read about

My father would read between the lines
To find a comfortable place to exist
His words were veiled by a velvet cloak
Understatements wrapped neatly in their over-thinking

He would wince in pain as sharp gravel
Would impale his cold calloused feet
The road was unenviable in its condition
Yet he never left the discomfort of the ground

He had no proclivity to shepherd my path
He would let me stumble and crash over my own roots
So I took my time and I kept my distance
For his battered body was foreign to my eyes

He would drift out of sight, out of mind
But out of heart was a different story
As all the shoal and sand settled down around him
He remained governed by a far different wave

Somewhere along this path
They dropped you
Perhaps not on your delicate head
But they dropped you
Into a den of lions
Into bitter, barren, wasteland
Into a marsh of crocodiles
Into misleading quicksand

Princess, this is not the world
This is suffering
These are not the acts of love
These vultures are circling

Inexplicably, they brought you here
But conveniently don't give a ****
They sing songs of worn out excuses
Yet sacrifice their little lamb
But you are more than wool
You are more than mere circumstance
The gifts you have been granted
Should be far from piteous romance

Princess, take off your tiara
And set sail for superstition
Cause the only road they paved for you
Is yellow bricks to perdition

It's funny how I turn a corner
The same way I turn a page
At breakneck speeds
Where the signs, like words, are all a blur

This place is a foreign land
But my blisters are now my passport
I ask only that you stand aside
And let me face it on my own

It's as scathing as a bitter stare
But I will endure this endless reproach  
I ask only that you stand aside
And remember me for how I was before

I will court the most beautiful woman
I will sail the most enchanted sea
I will dangle on the edge of greatness
Plummeting to the depths of my destiny

I will not die whimpering in the night
I'll not creep tepidly into the morn
I will not shatter the illusion of a rose
Not even to escape the thorn

I will carry her fantasies upon my lips
I will strip her naked of her fears
I will bite the hand that feeds my appetite
To make her heart beat through all the tears

I will not evaporate like dew in the fields
I'll not shame myself into ascension
I will not carve my name into granite finales
Just to become her honorable mention

In one hand, I hold forgiveness
In the other, I hold deceit
I weigh each and every reason
To repay you with one instead of another
But I am merely human
And this scarcely beating heart
Has surpassed limits on its misuse
So I turn on the water
And wash my hands of them both

Serpents in the undergrowth
Slithering and slithering
My heart has mutated from the venoms

I'm no longer king of my castle
I'm no longer ruler of my facets
I'm just debased, polluted, paralyzed

In the belly of the beast
Writhing and writhing
The decay of my soul is expedited

I'm no longer the guardian of my gates
I'm no longer the sire of my court
I'm just devoured, absorbed, obtuse

I am no peaceful son of man
I am a crown of thorns
I am no hero, saint, or king
I'm just the weary worn
Bathed in evil, I trade love for war
Dreaming of evergreens
I am no peaceful son of man
I am a submarine

I am no peaceful son of man
I am chaos reborn
I am no martyr, prince, or god
I'm just a man forlorn
Shamed in silence, I whisper lies
Long since I knew the taste of truth
I am no peaceful son of man
I am abandoned youth

Steady me
Steady my hand fast
This is collusion
Between my future and past

Four walls
Four walls closing in
This is claustrophobia
Smothered by the man within

Scratch marks
Scratch marks adorn the ceiling
This is desperation
To escape a hopeless feeling

Drops of daylight
Drops of daylight peer through the cracks
Is this overambition?
Or another panic attack?

Liberator
Liberator, don't leave me paralyzed
Quell this nebulous thunderstorm
And help my spirit to arise

Gravity and all its symptoms
Cause my pretenses and expectations
To dangle like pomegranate

Salt, as I am, changes with the seasons
Light, as I'm not, dims in dark places
I bring famine to these fertile lands

I reach an outstretched hand beyond
The dank foliage shrouding my view
I am uncomposed, but unashamed

The eavesdroppers wait for my whisper
But I am far too loud for simple minds
And the echo dances along the horizon

I cry out, a plea to whoever listens
I beg you, leave me out of focus
Because the blur is where you'll find me

My dreams have all been killed
Stabbed in the back, and bleeding out
Pushed off a ledge onto jagged rocks
Poisoned and strangled til' their final breaths
And buried beneath these grains of sand

But, I alone, am the only suspect

Peaceful
That's what I am without you
Like a star-studded chandelier
I am swinging, swaying
Not breaking or betraying
And I will not plead for you

Radiant
That's what I am without you
Like a million fireflies in the dark
I am glowing, gleaming
Not shouting or scheming
And I will not plead for you

Sanguine and butterscotch
Wildflower and sanctuary
Beyond the iris there is a tempest
Subtle, but, in no way ordinary

Starshot and malignant
Orphan and kaleidoscope
Nimbus clouds blanket hazel skies
Fingernails catch on slippery slopes

Luminous and forthright
Emerald and venerable
Tiptoeing through the shards of life
She is shadow, but, never invisible

Despite the gloss of morning bliss
And the hypothermia behind winter's kiss
I'm finally ready to say....stay

I've tripped through all your circumstances
And reveled in these everlasting glances
So, I'm finally ready to say....stay

Grant me a wish and I'll surrender
Tell me a secret and I'll remember
Because, I'm finally ready to say....stay

We are leery of promises, so we never make them
Hearts are sleeping, so why wake them?
But, I'm finally ready to say....stay

Our hill shimmers with angelic luster
Questions creep in, can I finally trust her?
Honestly, I'm finally ready to say....stay

She grabs her coat and slips on her boots
This passion has started taking its roots
And I finally say with all that I am....
Stay

I am innocent, so I run
Their pursuits are foolhardy
I catch briers
On my clothes
On my flesh
On my soul

At last I stumble into a clearing
My lungs expand like a supernova
Senses disconnect one by one
Losing my sight
My taste
My smell

I collapse into oblivion
The memories blur like salt and water
An aching rises
In my stomach
In my chest
In my throat

Gather them around now
This spectacle grows like dandelions
The guillotine is being sharpened
But I am still innocent
And I am still running
Therefore, I am still free

The cold glance of your eyes
Tells a story I've heard several times before
And of all the moments I've been frozen
It seems the past just won't erase
Or at the least ******* get warmer

Because bombs are funny things
They explode when you most, and least, expect them
And in all this friendly fire
And the sharpest of barbs that we've traded
It's clear that there's a bounty on my head

We tiptoe through these tripwires
Falling for these faceless and withered phantoms
And of all the nights we've been at war
And all the mornings the sirens chime
This is finally where my heart dies out

If it were only as simple as
Inhaling oxygen
And exhaling carbon dioxide
Then love would be the salt of the earth

If it were only as simple as
The sun rising in the east
And setting in the west
Then love would paint the bluest of skies

If it were only as simple as
Pulling a thorn
And stitching up the wound
Then love would bleed instead of us

Circles, and now I am dizzy
Faint pulse tells me to right my wrongs
To spill my soul into the void of space

Circles, and now I am weightless
It seems a shame to leave this world
To the sick, sheltered, shame of its own devices

Circles, and now I'm incomplete
Drifting further from myself, I am staring
Into the eyes of a broken down satellite

Circles, and now I'm forgotten
The truth is a vacuum in which I don't exist
While my fingers grow numb at this endless cold

Circles, always circles*
Encircling time and encircling throats
There is no more life, and there is no more death