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charmaine Sep 2015
I'm not the greatest person in the world,
but I don't deserve to be treated like this.
I've been trying my hardest to support you
and be everything for you.
But you pushed me away
made me hate my own voice.
You made me want to not speak at all,
that everything I said was salt in the wound.
I'm sorry.
I repeat it so often, I am a broken record.
You never accept it, you always dismiss it.
But I mean it every single time.
i really do.
charmaine Sep 2015
I spend most of my time alone.

I take all of the day
going over what makes me, me.
And what has made me, me.

I go over any memory my mind has
experienced, collected and preserved.

I pick them apart,
I try to see what when wrong
when I didn't walk away,
and what could've happened had I said no.

I pick apart the bad memories,
the memories that caused me pain,
and still do today.

I study them.
I cry over them,
I sometimes cut over them.

I rememeber the bad memories more than the good ones.
The bad memories seem to live
just below the surface,
while the good memories
I have to search a whole ocean for.

I question myself on this preservation of pain.
I let it sleep on my shoulders
and darken my eyes.
I let it enjoy me,
enjoy every piece of me.


I spend most of my time alone.

Sometimes I make no sense at all.

But to the memories inside me
that make me me
that controls every part
comes in pieces

pieces of me.
charmaine Feb 2015
He left her in white.
He left her in awe.
He wasn't there, he didn't arrive.

She smiled and waited,
waited until sundown.

He never came.
He left her alone.
He left her with nothing.

She pouted and shook hands with the departing guests.

He left her.
He was nowhere to be found.

She walked, barefoot and red,
eyes blurry from the rain.

He left her,
he ran away.

She passed strangers,
who laughed,
cried,
gasped,
ignored.

He stayed away, nowhere to be found.

She was home. In the dark.

He was gone. In the dark.

She took a bath in her wedding dress.

He never took off his tux.

She laid in an empty bed.

He laid there.

Dead.
i dreamt this and thought i'd write it down.
charmaine Jan 2015
I told you how I finally felt,
hopefully it came out right,
lately everything I've been saying has been wrong,

Has been angry and disgusting,
has pushed you farther away from me.

I'm scared of tainting you with my pain,
but I think I'm too late.

I've turned you into me.
I've made you hate me as much as I hate myself.

I am so sorry.
charmaine Jan 2015
I slept in the dark last night
I forced myself to face the monsters
that was making me keep the
light on all night,
I forced the monster to come out of the dark,
I'd rather face the monster than become it.
im tired
charmaine Dec 2014
I can't sleep anymore,
my mind is full of fantasies
and thoughts,
full of dreams,
I hope to one day fulfill.

But my mind is running,
it's running on pain and loneliness,
it's running on memories,
those who I thought was long forgotten.

Each day I don't sleep,
more of these painful memories
return to remind me,
reminds me,

I am not at rest.
charmaine Dec 2014
I used to write every day,
I had a passion.
Every thought was special
It had to go on paper.

Until I met someone,
someone who I thought
Who I thought
could understand me
and my passion.

Not destroy the little of it
that I had received.

Almost all my dreams are gone,
this was the one thing I had left
and it was killed.

Replaced with your dreams and
imperfections.

Not mine.
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