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charmaine Oct 2014
this is the saddest day of my life.
a smile can barely run across my face.
i stay up late
i sleep in the daytime
the sun never made me smile
but i didn't crawl away from it
as i do now.
i get enjoyment out of being alone
human interactions i no longer need
i need to learn to love myself
instead of making people love me.
i need to think about my happiness
and why i am the way i am
what certain changes i could've made
what path i could've taken
a different school could've made me miss out on
the friends i did make but make me miss the ones i lost.
i like being naked now
in my own skin
that's what im most comfortable in
my hair in its natural state
not burning its way to be straight.
i just wish the rest of me could
be happy with me.
charmaine Sep 2014
It'd be nice if you could break my heart right on the spot instead of waiting it out and waiting for me to hurt more.

It'd be nice if you would tell me I'm being stupid instead of making me feel stupid.

It'd be nice if you for once would tell me how you felt instead of blaming me for why you feel as such.

It'd be nice if you could say i love you and me feel as though you actually meant it.

It'd be nice to not cry over you and smile over you.

It'd be nice.
charmaine Aug 2014
Find me a body with no feelings,
no feelings so I don't cry over you,
so I don't bleed my legs over you,
so I don't die over you.
charmaine Jun 2014
I woke up at 2, spent two of those hours
arguing with you, spent the next hour
watching unsuccessful weddings,
then cried the rest of the hours.
charmaine Jun 2014
when I;m angry,
i throw everything
i hit myself
i cut myself,
i scatter about,
i slam on things.
but i never scream it ouT
MY BRAIN IS ON ANOTHER WAVELENGTH
AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO CONTROL MYSELF
TO LET YOU GET ME SO ANGRY
AND THE THING ABOUT IT IS.
YOU DON;T EVEN CARE.,

I HZATEY OYU I HATE YOU I HATYE YOU.

N N
i was angry when i wrote this.
i pounded on the keys at the end of this.
charmaine May 2014
It hurts.
I'm hurting so bad.
I want to cut the pain away.
It will stay as long as I live,
and I don't plan to live long.
This is not my suicide note,
this is my pain.
and I don't know if it'll ever go away.
maybe I like it,
maybe it keeps me sane,
maybe it keeps me strong,
maybe it makes me weak.
sigh.
charmaine May 2014
It’s been awhile since I wrote something worthwhile

A moment since I sat down and told you my thoughts,

Thoughts that came and went,

thoughts that haunted me ever since.



I think I created a space where a part of myself

can think, while another part of myself, stops thinking

to think about you.



This may sound confusing,

but this is just me,

hopefully you’ll see that too.
#hi
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