I rolled over and the sun skulked through the curtain,
That ****** gap, I knew it would be a burden,
With one eye open I stretched, and reached the ash tray,
My last cigarette, "I might quit today,"
Checking the time,
Quarter past nine,
And again I'm late for work.

Head thumping and regrets from last night,
Makeup down my face, mmm what a sight,
Who was that guy? He's gone anyway,
Probably picked him up on the way,
Jumping out of bed,
Smoke clouding round my head,
I dragged myself to the bathroom.

I promise myself everyday is a new one,
Sitting on the toilet, what have I done?
I dread to check my texts and call log,
I wonder how many people I snogged,
I jump in the shower,
It's now half past the hour,
Shall I just call in sick?

It simply isn't an option,
I need to get up and function,
But everything is a struggle,
I wonder if there's any ***** left I can smuggle,
One more for the day,
I'm not an alcoholic by the way,
It's just a little assistance.

In case you were wondering, I only went,
Out twice this week, all my money is spent,
You can't blame a girl for having some fun,
After all, I worked hard for my sum,
Anyway, I better be gone,
Work have been ringing my phone,
I guess I'll see you next time.

I always found myself checking my phone,
That excitement I felt when you would call,
With you I felt safe, you were like my home,
I was comforted; with you I'd not fall,
But something has changed, you are different,
I do not think that you are right for me,
You don't call as much, maybe I'm distant,
You tell me you love me, but I don't see,
How you could deceive that someone you love,
And I wanted to believe you, trust me,
But it seems that I am not good enough,
You took too long for me and you to be,
A little more than friends with benefits,
Don't call me now when I post glow up pics.

Life hasn't been easy, sometimes it gets really tough,
I grew up in Plymouth, a place that's really rough,
My parents both drug addicts, didn't show me love,
And now I always wonder, if I'll ever be enough.

All the kids at school used to sit and make fun of me,
The girl that always had clothes which were *****,
Then I glowed up, starting growing *****,
Now the same kids wanna slide in my DMs like, "what's new?"

I worked hard just to get where I am,
So please forgive me if I flex on the gram,
Hustle in silence, everyday I grind,
Always made sure that my bills paid on time.

Moved out of home when I was just 17,
Started realising that I could live a dream,
Went from living on the streets,
To paying so all my friends could eat.

I had to grow up fast, so I could see the world,
If I hadn't, sure I'd still be a little girl,
No worries, no stress, no tears in the bed,
Nothing to complain about, no anxieties in my head.

Talking about anxiety, depression and stress,
Let me tell you, I still know how to impress,
Bury the anger, the pain and aggression,
Only thing to shout about is progression.

Enemies of progress, will never see you succeed,
So is that really the type of energy you need,
Started meditating so I could just be free,
Now all these fake ******* tryin' to be me.

I haven't written in a while,
I couldn't think why,
Then I realized,
I am happy.

It seems that my best pieces
Came from the bottom of my heart,
With all my soul
I would write.

It feels like ages since
My last mental health relapse,
And guess what?
I am happy.

On a good day we read down

I am beautiful
You will never hear me say
That I am not worthy
And I know
It may be hard to understand
I tell myself but
It's your problem
You don't see my worth
And I know
It isn't my fault
You will never hear me say
I am ugly


On a bad day we read up

I didn't want to fall in love, never really been the type
I didn't even want to like you,but then again I guess I might
You see I've been hurt in the past, a few times I'll admit
And you wanna know what's funny, it was all by the same *****
I wish I could tell you that I learnt my lesson
But not the first, not even the second

Something about you is peculiar though
I can't be yet sure, I still don't know
I am drawn back to you again and again
It seems funny, I barely know you, not even a friend
I am infatuated with waking up when you're there
Basking in the aroma of last night's *** in the air

So let's exchange our gifts
You give me flowers and I'll give you ****
While we discard the light of the sun
That lurks impatiently to steal our fun
"Don't go stay a while, work can wait"
"It's only today, I'll see you at eight"

4 Seasons
When the sun shines bright
From morning until night and the days
Are longer than before
When the river flows clear into the ocean
The birds can be heard at the crack of dawn
I will love you

When the sun hugs me tightly and promises
Longer days, warmer nights
When it kisses my skin and brings me joy
When the water is hot and nothing but
A bikini keeps me modest
I will love you

When the sun creeps away earlier
And the air becomes crisp, when the skies
Are orange and amber
When the birds start to migrate and
And the meadow becomes drier
I will love you

When the sun radiates no warmth
And the trees stand naked, shivering
When the sky cries itself to sleep
And the flowers are brown and shrivelled
When the hats and scarves can't offer comfort
I will love you

My body a temple, your traveler's eyes would wander,
You wanted to explore, climb the peak and glide back under,
With cautious intent,
You began your descent,
Until you made your plunder.

With secrets and mystery, masked by cloud cover,
You'd continue to hunt, until it were over,
With each determined stride,
You'd find more places to hide,
Exposing more depth to discover.

Embracing all of your senses, you burrow deeper,
And there it is, quick, it's setting off the bleeper,
Treasures of riches, jewels and a single pearl,
Gleaming amidst a clam, with a swirl,
I dare say, you might find it cheaper.

With ravenous eyes, a drooling tongue,
You steal as much as you'd manage, until you are stung,
Your hands are perilous,
So you become querulous,
As is expected of men, so young.

Post means after, right?
But what about the Pre?
What led to the Trauma,
The Stress,
The Disorder?

BANG!

Did you feel it?
I lulled you into a false sense of security
Stole your virginity
You were old enough to bleed
And young enough to mislead.