It was bright and the sun peeked behind the clouds
So much learning
So much joy
So much hope

You told me in a dream
That when you had a light
I would be able to smoke

I have a secret that nobody wants
It is the secret to staying alive
Surviving everyday eventually
And becoming totally strong
That you end up going no where
And knowing everything
I'm okay with this life
I'm 25
It is my schedule to be dead inside
The secret is to have such a sad life
That you would not think of even dying
Because if you did
The funeral would not even be inspiring to anybody
So you stay alive
And regardless of your discontentment
You do not change anything
Because you believe in some twisted way
That things are good, and will get better
But still...
You are afraid to become anyone significant
Because you do not want to feel the weight of life
So you neglect it
And choose no progress instead of progress
There is a way out
I know it
It's not such a secret
But it's a hard path to take
My mind is not as malleable as before
So I am going to stop trying and trying
But just do what I need to
And know that there is no getting out of trouble
But there is something for me out there at least
And I think it's good enough

This is the day I turn into a woman
Nothing has changed outwardly
I still look the same
Many will say she seems at peace
Most will say she seems at ease
But all will see and say nothing
When I see somebody whole and free
I usually let them be

Today I write that the women in my hometown
Have the worst habits
They always seem to mince their words
Even if they have the measuring cup
They still can't make the right brew
So my advice is to have the heart
To tell the truth
Even if it hurts the one they love the most
Because they know that deep down inside
I have the worst stinkiest heart of them all
I used to fix my cabinet in order to fix my life
But instead I fix my cabinet in order to have a clean closet
The most I've ever done to become an enemy
Is to tell the truth
About other people
Then in the end I always getting run over by a motorbike
But then even if my old workplace closed down
It hurts to know that my heart is still ouch
Then in the end I have to always figure out a way to break the dishes again
Then tomorrow I will have to figure out what to do next.

-The end

There is a pain in being shameless
When you forget that there are consequences
And that to not care makes us numb
But what is to be done when carelessness strikes?
Bury your shame and sleep on it
Procrastinate
When will you confess?
Every other sin seems forgivable
Every other vice seems natural
Every virtue stained seems typical
But then there's an IT factor to that one thing
And everybody does it
It keeps you up at night
Wondering
"How could I be so stupid?"

Nobody has to know about me
I am a person of insignificance
I only prioritize truth or beauty
There is no need to know about me
I am not like the Saints of past
I am no hero who does any deed so valiant
I need every inch of strength to give to my heart
For my heart is weak in times like these
Time makes we wane and wither
I usually can't fall in love
If I do find a true love
It becomes an obsession
To never see the darkness in another heart
I am imperfect in every way
I know that I shall never see that daylight coming
For I know one thing
Nobody will know about me
I will stay invisible to the naked eye
A telescope is needed to see my stars
I am so very near you
I am nobody of significance
I wish to start my journey as Anonymous
Carving no name on this road I pave
Heaven can wait
Until I am nobody's name

There are ways to know that people are not more than people
You listen
You feel something
You read in between the sighs they make
People cannot save us
People cannot make us good
We are our makers and breakers
I love my mother
She was my maker
But now I am older
There is another one inside me
That I make for himself
This is not going to fulfil me
Once any of these is fulfilled
I just know my ears hear
And I know my eyes see you
More and more
I can truly feel
Every ounce of sadness given to my life
My breath is slow and deep
Steadiness is my being and essence
I am hoping to be beneath the earth
In good time my moment will come
And after all I promised him I would never die prematurely
This is for myself
This is for nobody
But myself

Beautiful skies turning from blue to black
All the night you are temporal
Beauty is transient
Ever changing
Nothing becomes less beautiful
Only changed beauty

My motivation is longevity
I want to live a long life
I want to stop
But I can't
Even when things are good
Even when it's not great
I will never stop

Never stop learning
Never stop practicing
Never stop creating
Never stop becoming who you are meant to become

These are the days where we can't afford to stop
We can't afford to lose
We don't have the time
We have made the mistakes
We learned from them
And all that is left is to win

How do I say the words?
How do I be that girl?

Always trying to be perfect
Forceful force of nature
Mature for my age
Praying although I have no faith
Faithful to no one
But myself

How do I say the words?
How do I be that girl?

The man is always on the go
Especially when he gets on a roll
There was no ending to that night
But I gave up
I gave up

How do I say the word?
How do I be that girl?

It's about the power
The lamp on the street has changed its meaning
It seems illumination has become delusion
Nobody has love for the girl who stood up
For the man on the street
For the girl who is weak
For the boy who cries wolf
For sympathies' wolf
There is no more love
For any of us

But my father loves me
But He truly cares
And there is no one above me
Nobody's eyes to stare into
When you try to be someone great
The bowl becomes holey
The river flows and flows
How am I supposed to be quenched?
Anyone who wants to be somebody
Has to go through me first
And when nothing comes close to the answer
You're looking for a bubble to burst

How do I say the words?
Do I become that girl?

There is no solace when you are trapped
I am trapped in mistakes
I am stuck in a constant argument with myself
Debating silently, day by day
Whether or not my bad decisions will lead somewhere good
Because with karma there is no gray area
There is no consolation
I am either losing or winning
I am not feeling very sure about these days
But at least it helps me grab at every opportunity
And see the blessings in every situation
But if my faith falters
Due to some insignificant event that I cannot control
Because someone else is in control
Then please tell me
What is justice in a world of remorse?

I'd like to write about myself
It's strange that when I am attracted to someone
I make myself repellant
I'd like to talk about how I feel unattractive
I'm self-conscious
So I just hope nobody likes me
Because they'll see
They'll know everything
It's not good
It's worse than I thought
I'm hoping for the best
But I know I should stop hoping
Yet still I don't want to stop
I need that median
Where I feel comfortable with praise
And I''m not so ungracious
I'm worried about nothing
And nothing is what I feel
I had my first pap smear today
It felt empty in there
I can't believe myself
How much I self-sabotage
How I come on too strong
And yet I can't reign in my confidence
Being a woman is tough
I have so much sympathy for us
Or maybe I'm the only woman who has it tough
Some of them seem effortless and graceful
I'm just easy
Don't seek sympathy
Be sympathetic
Don't seek kindness
Because when you feel like crying
You need to smile so others can go on
Everyone knows
Life is tough
Just a little bit more
Stay true.

There'a pig being slaughtered in the farm
He's taking him to the alleyway
There a grocer will pick him up
And she will cradle his carcass in a vacuum wrap
He is uncontaminated
It make me nervous
Because the grocer sells innocents
The pig had no crime
Merely, he was a pig
But criminals live alongside us
Secrets make them fly in the sky
Hero to all who hope for the glories
In being known for horrible truths
Honest criminals
They eat pigs for dinner
***** criminal chewing an innocent pig
How is life going to get better?
Be vegan or cause the pig to commit a crime?
Be innocent as well? Hell I'm going now
I can't take this discussion

You will never be old inside if your heart is in that space
Where he feels he is crushed by the weight of affection
When attention is the affection that it so seeks
May it yearn you more in warmth
Rather than winter
Give me summers where we can both be children again in the hot moonlight
I think it's not so bad how you have grown up
But if you could suffer me a bit of scorn
I would surely run in circles
Making a dance out of our rapor

The moment he saw the ending of the story
He knew that the best was yet to come
He didn't realize that when he saw it coming
It hit him like a big truck
He took the rest of his guts
And piled them back inside

Move on in strokes that light the canvass with brighter color

When somebody does something to you that you find offensive
Watch them closely
Even if there is no revenge
You will notice that
They are so in pain when you mention their offense
They cannot breath
They cannot look at you
You have power over them
Let this be a lesson
To all you know who are *******
Let this be a correction

A girl in indecent clothes passes a group of men
They don't know what to do but be lewd
The girl who must play it cool
Because she's not safe if she is "rude"

Your eyes staring at a part that is not yours but hers
Is controlling the way I spend my money and thoughts
Should we dress the way you think we should?
For a woman who embraces herself
Why must she be contained in a vacuum seal?

I am not sure what the world expects
But in reality
I should't need to know

Half of you think, "She's asking for it"
Well, what is it the skirt asks for?
Is it something good to her?
Or is it like taking drugs?
Sickos

If you expect me to like myself after your amazing lapping tongue performance
Then you have no comprehension skills
Comprehend me, walking fast and away
Comprehend me giving you the finger
Comprehend my mocking laughter
Consider how little you comprehend
Consider being smarter, and more kind
So I could feel you as a loving, inoffensive person

.All the little children are scattered around
The world is a playground
Helping themselves to all its resources
Not thinking about the consequences
It's playtime in the house
Nap time after snack time
Then when we are satisfied
It will all be enough
It is only enough when we are full
But the flesh is designed to be hungry
After the first meal comes the second
Until we are unto our 59,130th
Helpless children grow
Into devouring producers
Help yourselves to my plate of cheese
Then it will be enough till the next

Neglected as a child that arrived much too late in the family

To start again from the beginning
That's what I would do
If I could choose to finally do what I want
It would be to start again from the beginning
To do what I always wanted
To be a free woman
Free to be good
To see the world and warn them
To never cross-over to the otherside
Because whenever I make a mistake I realize that it didn't free me but trapped me
If I could start again from the beginning
I would read all  my past mistakes
And one at time I would correct them
Keep my favorite relationships intact
Be brave to be proud of who I am
Pay attention and never neglect the heart that is so good and strong
Glue myself back together and make it the strongest glue
So when I get back to this moment I could say
I did it all again and I did it right
This time I can move on because today is right
Let's be honest though that isn't the case
One must face today
Start again
Even if it isn't the beginning today
It's a new day to start beginnings

Resting
Maybe when I'm brave enough to
I'll lay my head on a pillow
Close my eyes
Look inside
I'll say
I'm home at last

Take away the pretty face
And all that's left is a body
That cries out with shaking
Trembling
Wishing I had defended myself
The past is past
This is my mind
And I know I have to preserve
My right to feel
So I have no face
But I have my body
And I will plunge it into your seas

The rain is suspended
The ease in my bones
Pleases my demon
I drink in his shadow
Warm feeling in my head
The heart doesn’t feel so alone
The light enters through
The time passes like mud
It’s cold and wet
In a bath of comfort and familiarity
A joint feels just right
Today fits into other days like a perfect puzzle piece
My life has an appetite for light moments and heavy sweetness
What happened last night?
I was alone and yet a phantom was watching
Lulling me to rest with his secret language
Caressing my face with certain eyes
So that when I woke all I knew was forgotten
And everything I remembered was eclipsed by newness

If I were a good woman
I would be pure
And good
And holy
But I am none of these three
I am a worldly woman
Who claims her life
Taking it in with trembling hesitance
Clutching it gently
Changing her gears smoothly
Real Women do change
Real Women learn to drive themselves
Women who love men are real too
Maybe more than one
Surely more than two
Possibly more than ten
Women who look for the right man
Are women who reinvent their being
Because we aren't who we say we are
Real women are built
Not born

I am averse to having feelings for you
because I think that it is socially unacceptable to have feelings

Serenely she placed her shoulder on the edge of her mother's
Then she went ahead and slept
Showering her dreams with emptiness
Clouding her thoughts with white noise
Almost attempting to be awake
Walking through the dream-like life she had since a babe

I'm not the same as before
I might choose war
I might choose fads
I might choose fortune
I could choose hell

Do I make a connection without the internet?
How do i even take a break from the internet?
I'm pretty much glued to the internet
It's hard being around the internet
I don't like myself with the internet
I think we should start seeing other people, Internet
But everyone is with the Internet
Who am I with without the internet?

Pretty smile, makes me sleep
Makes me want to choke on my own speech
She has the weight of the world
On her beautiful back
I have the gall to touch her
Her hair is so black
It ***** all the air
I can't breath
Just living in her is life
Tables turn and it's free to say we are we
It's pretty priceless
Weeping all over her sleeves
She wipes me so so clean
I can't even imagine
The life I would live without her in the world
In my world
It has a lot of demands. This romance.
Although she knows it's all about our dance
We step on each other
We sway side to side
We harmonize our hips to our offbeat sway
I start to fantasize
You don't take no for an answer
Because it's the real deal

Many years have passed
Since I first felt someone's goodness
That slow enveloping of your smile around my body
Your well-intended words creeping its way to my mind
I was so naive
Believing it was the real thing
I cannot be that way again
Because love does not bring out the best in us alone
It does not caress our cheek or make me smitten with smiling eyes
Love brings out the worst in people, most of all
Many years have passed
You're soft hand on my hair is fondly remembered
Soon it will be 8
And I have only finally made sense of it now
You did the worst possible thing to me
And I am being the worst possible way I could be
Although now I understand
That between the two of us
Only I am given choice
And you have spent all of yours

When you're okay
They're not
When you're not okay
They are
Just rest the rest of the time
And wait for moments
When you're around them
Then they'll see you're okay
Without them

There is a line where I am most proud of
Crossing it beyond where there is no other left for me but a bridge
I built that for you
There is no other way to get to me
Look over the cities I have erected
Look over the mountains that I have shaved
Look over the forests I've cut down
All I have destroyed
For our eyes to meet in the space not occupied by us

Where do I meet you my dear friend?
If you are both the past and the end
Then will you come with me to the middle?
We could be together like children
We aren't truly who we want to be
Until we find out that we haven't got enough money
We aren't who we truly want to see
Until we find out that we are worth more than money
Wherever you think you should be
It's not the elsewhere that you should be in
Take the inside of your life
And unfold it so you can see
It's much bigger than what you thought
Please don't claim littler things for yourself
Claim the bigger bigs that your remote control heart asks for
Volume up until you realize you're not speaking loudly enough
You raise your glass like you raise your voicebox
To toast all the minor scenes you've been an extra in
Prove to yourself, you're made for the silver screen
If a sliver of gold could fill a Klimt
Then the canvas you have ready would be worth a golden bar
Listen up my dear friend
You're not in a box, you're in an inbetween pause in the composition of this song
We can meet sometime in the middle
Where you're 29 years old and I'm 30

When the little that you know
Creeps into your head
You need the world to stop
Dead on it's tracks
In order for your kiss to reach him

Stay broken
Into a million pieces
Don't let them piece you back together
Like a story you did not choose to be
Stay down and sink
Resurrect
When you can escape
Machine gun Kelly

She's New York
Present, past
She doesn't know the future
But she knows she'll be in New York
Until she breathes her very last

Hello Mind
It's been a while
I've been alright

Hello Soul
You're so old
I'm quite impressed
You're not yet spent

Hello to the ones I've sought out to impress
With all the efforts I have left
Crumbs of passion in your wake
I am making no mistakes
No blinking while you attack
No breathe wasted on any slack
I am aware of what you say
It's all the same when both mind and soul
Seek me

Helping myself to a second portion
While all the world is on their 4th
How do I make it seem like I am caught up?
When all the world is ahead

I don't follow the order of anything
There are no rules in me
There is only the deep longing
To invent

Tomorrow you can feast again
It will be a celebration of celebrations
It will have every famous celebrity
It was be an abundance of wine
It will be very joyous
Free
It will be very happy
Because you deserve to be happy
Very happy

It all comes together
Like a neatly tied package
My anger and my love
Passionate living
Still I can't accept
That I feel so much emotion
I now have the choice of unbridled devotion
If I could become the one who says those words
That I know you hold dearly
Then I will become the flowers in your hair
The food you eat
The scent you hold
I could become everything you need

These sunken eyes
Like a ruined ship
Worse than those that drowns
I don't think
I just neglect
I keep my frowns
Upside down
When you smile
I keep *****
I pay attention
To you
Because it's that simple gesture
That keeps me going
To you

The rose bud is tired
It had a beautiful fly
Then a soil let it be

Women want a man who takes his hat off in church
A man who is chivalrous but sensual
Someone who can quote Brene Brown and Shel Silverstein
A soft voice with a body made of hard edges
He's got the gentle flight of an eagle
The agility of a panther
Predator and prey, both
He slips into you like he has never been there before
A forest he hasn't explored
He's sure about you
He's wanting you to be sure
His days are steady
Like the oldest living tree
He sees you and doesn't cut you down
He makes sure you feel whole
He adds, doesn't take
He holds your hand
Like a little flower in the soil
Supported and nourished
Tender and Tended  to
Like a man of a dozen olden times
He knows the right books to read
Are books that make you love
Books that make you laugh
Books that make your heart wonder
He take your words
Gently unfolds them
Wears them well
Into poetry
Weaving his arm
Around your body
Until your waves
Become his undoing
Working man
Working you steadily
Until you desire that quiet life
You know is only possible for a man
With respect

My Lola Pilar
Was a collector of precious things
Her most prized possesion is her memory
When that went away she fell away
Her heart filled with sorrow or joy only
I miss our breakfast mornings
Even when I was older
And sat in the table
In last night’s clothes
I hope I didn’t break your heart like your children
I’d like to believe I made you proud
By living the way you did
Making my own memories

You have to be a certain kind of love
I'm telling you, you are making me change
Even my words don't seem as careless
I am more careful around everyone
They are watching, measuring, and weighing
I know they would prefer that I was a certain kind of woman
People could be only about certain qualities
Only truth
Only stateliness
Only integrity
Beneath is what you seek
The little light that fuels my soul
The one that transcends perfection
You seek me to be more me
It's enough to know you own all of my incompleteness
If I outgrow this ***
I can only hope you are the gardener who uproots me

My left hand is my eldest sister
My right hand is the kid who died
The right foot is my father
The left foot is my mother
My shoulders are my problems
My Head is between my ears
My knees get me forward
Swing Swing Swing
Oh, and my nails are the boundaries
My hair is my thoughts
My scalp is my information
My watch is my reminder
The white rabbit is reminding you
The bangles in your right wrist ring like a bell
Don't forget your feet
Please touch with your palms
Work with your fingers
Your nose knows
Your skin is a map of where you're coming from
My bag holds a body of a criminal
The criminal is my uncle and he mows our lawn with his teeth
Punishment for crimes against family
My name matters (all 5)
My closet is my arsenal of friends I have encountered
My smile is my dad's
My teeth are mine to savour with my tongue