when i was younger i begged time to go faster
i wanted to grow up right then and there
but now that i know the horrors of growing older
i wish i could've stayed young

I think I have figured it out
High on **** and smoking them out
She could not even get out
Of my mind

We started together as friends
Then we became close, could tell each everything
I love Doc McStuffins, so I called you Dorc,
Coz you had a little cute flower in your hands,
And a brown stuffing in her hands,

Beautiful she remains
Call me everything nice babe
Lay in her hands, I was okay for once
But she loved me more when I was just but one friend

Supportive I tried to become
But was chained in my legs
Could not move to the next step
Remember all the poems you read before?
She could not take me a ******

I'm gonna give her a friend first
Coz she need to be more of something that's there first
Even for Jesus to be more than a brother first
He got to be a brother first.

My silhouette
You tie me to my core
You get me everything
My everything

That which burns brightest
Burns fastest
But you keep me burning
My everything

I see darkness in light
you see light in my darkness
I love you
My everything

I did everything to leave my kingdom
I did everything to leave my cocoon
I broke down the wall
For you I exposed myself

I'm going back to rule
I'm going back to my pain
I'm building my wall higher than it was
And I am concealing myself from you

I have tried.
Never being myself
Don't even know who I am
All i know is I love her
And she gonna hate me if she knew what I really struggle with

I have really tried to be the best
Guess am just ****** up
Too weak to fight myself
And the demons that have allied with my enemy

Can't pray
Trying to fight these crazy thoughts
I need God to save me from myself
Coz I ain't know how to say no
When it's what I am used to press forward

My mentality is sick
My spirit withered
Can't control my emotions
Myself controls me instead
My mind goes crazy and I can't help it

Love is what she deserves in the world
A man, not a boy
A boy who's just trying to fight his way through the world
A boy who's just trying to fit in a world older than him
Just like always

I don't know what and how
My life is a blur
My life is a mess
Pretending that am okay
But even Jesus knows am doomed.

I wanna be happy again
Please let me be happy and okay
Great storms fighting within me
There must be a price to have me completely destroyed
And am too weak to fight this on my own
Sorry I  ain't myself
Help me Lord.

crying over you
what a night
what an hour
that you decided to damage mine

being in my head
day in day out
what a time
that you have decided ain't worth it

forever i just wanted to be you
be a legend in my family and no longer the black sheep
something they would have appreciated me for
for it's being real with you, until you thought it fake

i wanna roll up two three joints
forget about you but proving to be farm work
pain crazes my blood down my veins
to fill the hole that you left behind

remember it was the henessy
i would not have known you
now it's the henessy coz i wanna forget about you
no longer love, to hell with just be friends

i now want the money
i now wanna chase the bag
get my accounts overflowing
but ain't gonna fill the hole left behind for sure.

is it not life
for me to die for
voices in my head hate it
all speaking different personalities into me

look at me
who am i really
the life i dreamt about as a child
i now live its opposite

ain't life worth dying for
for no life without death
no happiness without anguish
no purpose without mistakes

ain't life worth losing for
ain't a smile on my face worth crying over
ain't a smile on my face worth stressing for
ain't a smile on my face worth fighting for

yet i just feel it's all in vain
life is just the same
not worth dying for
not worth even living for