Who knows how I'd gotten the courage,
or where it came from?
But somehow, I found myself on the stage
Mic in hand
Palms sweating
My toes tapping nervously on the wooden floor.
I didn't have anything prepared.
Just half-formed shower thoughts,
and the hope that I'd be good enough.
This was the start of a potential career,
or the end of one.
A career I'd dreamed of,
taken classes for,
watched videos and taken extensive notes for.
A career that occupied my thoughts with the constant
"Could I do that?"
I did my bit, mostly with my eyes focused above the heads of the crowd,
and I cataloged the responses.
Out of 6 jokes,
I got two half-hearted chuckles,
and one almost complete laugh.
I bombed.
As I walked back to my car,
your hand tapped my shoulder just once.
Firm, but hesitant.
"I liked your bit. You've got some potential."
"I took some notes, if you want them."
I'd seen your stuff on youtube,
recognized you immediately,
fought back the star-struck numbness of my mind
and said "Thanks, I'd love them."
Before you turned away, you gave me one last comment.
"Maybe I'll be opening for you in a few years."

Life is like a merry go round
going round in circles all of the day
Sitting on a cold, golden horse
well, at least he knows the way.
Because one can get very lost
trapped in all sorts of ropes
some will tether you to shackles
some will give you a bit of slack
But the horse knows at the back
it is not always those finishing first
the winner
the hare and the tortoise sorted that
it is those that went the correct course
those that did the full nine yards
that achieve their merry go round.

why do i bother writing these words down,
when all i get in return is a lost soul and a self roll.
write on and write black and white swan songs,
on and on, all for someone who's already gone.

All you had to do was ask,
I've almost left.
You're almost here, ethereal.
It's all in your head,
I'm sorry I'm no longer in your bed.
But can I get your numbers again?
It was only a few words I said,
Sorry that I was mistaken,
Can you banish them from your head?
In the morning I'd make you bacon,
I'd even serve it with toasted bread.
It could be a perfect meal when you awaken,
But that's an If Only, because you're already dead.

-
with dark brown eyes,
you searched,
for someone,
for god,
for light.
with deep brown eyes,
you saw me.
in me you found,
cold hallways,
broken tiles,
but never light.

with tired green eyes,
i searched,
for someone,
for warmth,
for you.
with vacant green eyes,
i found nothing.
all i ever wanted,
was nothing.
in you i found,
something.

with boring, sad eyes,
we pondered.
on death,
on love,
on us.

with wide, bright eyes-

we awoke from our own dreams,
in messy sheets far from heaven.
we wept, sea between beds,
feeling dead and forever unpleasant,
from too many words and antidepressants.