I see Him in you.
My past.
Why does it still haunt me even now?

I pace.
When I am confused,
Sad,
Overthinking,
I pace

I'm looking for a connection,
That I can't seem to find anywhere.
Help.....

The sound that reaches my ears,
It's blissful, almost heavenly.
I turn, trying to find it's source.
Only to see nothing.
Just hear the most beautiful music.

The sound seems to drown my thoughts
Lift me from the hellish state of earth
And bring me to my own imagination
A dream
Finally coming true
A rose
Losing its first petal
The sound
Like nothing I've ever heard.

Is it voice?
Or a violin, maybe a soft trumpet?
I can not tell.
But how I long to know what causes such a sweet melody,
The line moving so delicately within my ears,
It's chords and vibrations,
Breathing life into my lungs again

When the sun goes down
And my head hits my pillow,
This is the song that will be playing
A song that is so pretty
It merely counts as a song
So heavenly
You would think an angel was singing
And everything will end up fine
With this music playing

My dreams were pleasant,
More so than they've been in a long while
This song, oh so sweet, lulled me to a sleep,
So deep, and so beautiful,
I never wanted to wake and face the gruesome day.
Although, I did indeed wake,
My day began much brighter,
As the refrains of the song still in the corners of my mind.

And the song followed me throughout the day
In the form of a bright smile and kind words
A song that became a reason to live

I want to bleed.
I can keep feeling like this anymore.
Like I'm worthless,
And invisible.
I want to feel something, anything else.

I am terrible.
No question about it.

When I was oh, so younger
I used to rule the day
Catching toads
And flying paper planes
Until the lure of pretty girls
Got right in the way
My destiny came calling
And I chased it on the run
Time goes by while tears run smiles
And not every day is fun

The chase was fun,
But oh, how it ended.
They no longer caught my fancy.
I turned to games and friends instead
Until one day, girls started to chase me

And what a merry chase it was
Living and loving just because
Age is a constant gardener
A teacher of self and suffering
The premise of life eternal
An opening of not merely eye
But heart, mind and soul
To find love is to know life
And to know life is life eternal
Captive on a carousel of time
The world is yours, ours and mine

We fell in love and the world erupted in fireworks.
Nothing could have been better.
The pure joy that I felt with her was unrivaled by nothing I've ever felt before.
She was the one.

The one who became my other
Who completed me
Who took me to places love had never shown me
And felt like home
A place to belong
Yes...she was the one


No other could take her place.
She was mine,
Just as I was hers.
We were one, together,
Yet still just me and her.


And in that we found our destiny

Would anyone like to collaborate with me?
Message me.

Why do I love so many,
yet get no love in return?

When you look at her,
I wish you were looking at me....

When I saw you with her,
I know I'll never add up in your eyes..
You still like her, I can tell.
I hate being jealous of her.
She's pretty, skinny, has friends who care,
She's had both guys that I've liked..
And then there's me.
Poor, ugly, fat me.
What do you see in me?
I like you and you don't see it..

I'm sorry that I love you..
Just don't hurt my heart because You can't give it back.

So this past weekend, my band went to Washington D.C
to perform in the national Fourth of July parade.
Yay!!
But I was totally out of my comfort zone, and I changed a lot.
Good change...
So yeah....

I have none.

I hate my life.
And my brain.
It limits me so much,
I can't stand it.

I am broken.. what now?
I don't think I can rebuild myself....

Why do I feel so divided?
Inside my brain.
In my heart.
Why?

I want someone to notice me.
I want someone to love me.
I want to be wanted...

I've been talking to you for more than  30 min.
You still don't get it.
I'm bad with words..
Especially about myself.

I can't this.
I can't that.
That's all I've been saying.
Can't you hear me?

To hear is a great ability.
Some people can't.
Then there are people who can hear when you aren't talking.
Those are the people who care.
How I wish that person was here today.
I really needed you.

Do you even see me when I'm down?
Can you hear me when I'm silent?

I was appointed section leader again this year,
Despite all of the problems and dram that escalated during my term this past year.
I was convinced that I could not lead,
Via all of the talks I had to have with my band director.
And I still am convinced.
The first week of band camp just ended.
And with my section bugging me because I'm not perfect is tiring.
I'm so confused..
I don't know what to do..

Questions.
One after another.
They are all I seem to be thinking these days.
Questions

You keep telling me that I'm not the only one.
But you don't cry yourself to sleep.
Or cry because you get frustrated with yourself.
You don't care about what people think.
Or care as much as I do for others.
I am the only one.
I'm the only me there is.

Do you know how much I want to kiss you?
To hold your hand?
To have you love me?

No, you don't.
Of course not.
Why would you?

I am falling.
Down
  Down
    Down.
Can you help me?

Do I feel seventeen?
Not really.
I guess I've that age where its just another day,
Just another year.
Maybe..
But I'm still a child.

I am frustrated with myself.
Mainly because I know I can do so much better than what I am.
But there's always fear that holds me back.
Fear of messing up,
Of disappointment.
Of letting people down.
Of failing.
I can't let that happen.
I won't let that happen.

Hey all of my friends at hellopoetry...
Sorry I haven't written in  while
Been real busy...

I am alone
I am alone
I am alone
I am alone

I long to be loved.
I think everyone does,
But I've been looking for it in all the wrong places.
Maybe I need to look closer to home....
Myself

Dear diary.
If only he knew..
What I'd like to do..
To him,
With him..
What I want him to do to me..
If only he knew...

I want to feel you.
All of you.
I want to touch you.
I want to kiss you.
I want to.
I want to..

Can't you see?
I am smiling.
But I'm still broken

How much pain can one person bear?
All by themselves...

At the age of 16,
I am a mother.
Now they are not own kids.
I didn't give birth to them.
But I am their mother.

They are those I take under my wing.
Those to who I give love unconditionally.
Those who I hold while they cry.
They are my kids.

Happy Mother's Day!
To those who are mothers,
To those giving birth,
To those barren yet love others.

To those who are single dads,
Because you are mothers in your own way.
To the grandmothers, and aunts.
To the mother-in-laws.

To the daughters and sons,
Who no longer have there mothers in flesh.
To the orphans and broken.
To you.

Happy Mother's Day
Because face it,
We've all acted as a mother in one way or another.

Set me free?
What if I long for freedom,
Yet and comfortable where I am?
In this prison of mine,
That I created?

Set me free?
I'm more dangerous out there than I am in here.
I'm dangerous to myself.
Can't you see?

You can't set me free.
My prison is myself.
I'm locked in with myself.
Set me free?

Do you know how to set me free?

I'm gonna break down.
I've held this in too long.
And of all the places in gonna melt down..
It has to be at work.
Wonderful.

Silent.

Without words,
I am mute.
I cannot tell you how I feel. 
I am silent.

Without music,
I don't have emotion.
I can not express myself.
I am silent

Without soul,
I am empty.
I can't feel.
I am silent.

But the catch here,
Is if no one cares,
I am still silent.

I've becoming a better me.
   I'm happier.
      I'm confident.
         I'm me.

This which I am giving to you,
You must handle with care.
It's seen more wear and tear
Than you've ever seen in your life.
It's been bruised and broken,
Mended and glued back together.
Handle with care.
It's seen a lot, and been through a lot.
You must handle with care.
And if you don't..
Well you'll become responsible for some more of that wear and tear,
Those bruised and missing peices.
Another notch in the book.
But I am warning you now-
Handle with care.
My heart is fragile.
Please, handle with care.

She wore it proud around her neck.
Usually hidden by her hair,
She was the only one who really knew it was there.
It reminded her, that she had love.
It warned her, that she had love.
But she let go.
And so she wears her locket,
The chain like a noose around her neck.
Always there.

When you look into my eyes,
Sometimes I wonder what you see.
Do you see how I feel about you?
Do you see the pain behind the walls I built?
Do you see the beauty beneath it all?
Do you see me?
When I look into yours eyes,
I wish I knew what they were thinking.
Can I see your soul reflecting mine?
Can I see the scars of past mistakes?
Can I see the heart of gold that I know you have?
Can I see you?

Look into my eyes.
I dare you.

I realize I haven't written in a while....
I'm sorry.