Cain Arkay Lazarus

Cain Arkay Lazarus Feb 2016

P(2)

i saw a woman the other day
whose wild strawberry blond hair reminded me of yours
my speech stammered to a halt
my eyes glazed over and were cast down

almost six months have passed since you did
i think of the night that fell upon you
hungry and rabid
and i know that for me it is yet dusk

#suicide #death #grief

Cain Arkay Lazarus Feb 2016

monday

my mouth mechanically moves
wouldyoulikeabaghereisyourreceiptthankyousomuchforcominginhaveaniceday
i wonder how many times i have said the same sentence in the last half hour
as those recycled, rearranged letters
squeak, tired, from the middle of my throat
a laugh, fake, tense, comes from my nose
as i feel what little soul there was in me to begin with
die
this can't be it
this can't be all there is
the helpless thoughts slide sluggishly by
what is the point of surviving so much
when this is all i have to look forward to?

#work #mondays #purgatory #9to5

Cain Arkay Lazarus Oct 2015

N (3)

in my observations of you
i notice the way they look at you

they
these others

those who, were it not for you, i would crave for myself

the ones with soft hair cascading down their sharp shoulders
the ones with soft mouths veiling their sharp teeth

their shining eyes trace a path for their gentle hands to follow
their clever lips curl at the corners when yours do

the boldest of them touches you, something i could never do,
and the mark where she touches you sears into my vision like spite

while the lukewarm fingers of jealousy encircle my throat
i know there is nothing i can do

i can only watch them watch you
and watch you
and want you

i can't hope to be nearly as attractive as the rest of them, and i know i have no chance with you, but i can't help myself

#love #lust #unrequited #jealousy

Cain Arkay Lazarus Oct 2015

N (2)

1
eye contact with you is my new favorite game
peeking at you through my fanned fingers
looking at lightning

2
eye contact with you is my new favorite game
squinting at you through the panels of my eyelashes
examining an eclipse

3
eye contact with you is my new favorite game
looking at you out of the corner of my eye
watching through water

4
eye contact with you is my new favorite game
reflected in glass and in metal
staring at a storm

our lines of sight meet
for a beat or four
and the heat rises in my face
you've won again

#love #lust

Cain Arkay Lazarus Sep 2015

N

your eyes quietly invade mine
i defensively avert my eyes, only to be disarmed by your smile
i laugh in spite of myself
for there is no place that you cautiously inhabit
that is safe for me to look upon

what the hell is wrong with me?

#love #lust #confusion

Cain Arkay Lazarus Aug 2015

P

almost two weeks have passed since you did
i think about the night that fell upon you rabid and hungry
and i know that for me, it is yet dusk

#suicide #death #night

Cain Arkay Lazarus Aug 2015

mosquito bites

i think about the songs i wish i could write about you
deep and sweeping words that would compare your eyes to the sky and your laugh to starlight
compare the curves of your body to the most breathtaking places in the world and every childhood story you've told me to yards of silk folded and stored reverently in the attic of my head, on the shelf closest to my eyes so i'll remember them always
but then i remember that
these verses tied to your wrists with delicate, translucent chords
while they may make the tide trace currents in the lines in your face
they will not make your heart collide with mine

#love #unrequited