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 Aug 2014 bucky
g
Sorry
 Aug 2014 bucky
g
You crystal ballroom, all windows and walls, sewing light like seed over everything you touch.
Glass eyed stare, hands growing like they're getting away with something.
Everything you love is a trick of the light.
Everything it touches feels just like you.
Hiding heads under street-lamps like sin is some sort of choice we make, like growing is something to be done in silence.
They say that people in glasshouses shouldn't throw pebbles, but how can you expect to let people in if you can't even get out?

My grandmother looks straight though me, thoughts locked in, hands clamped around her bag of dead friends like holding them tight enough could bring them back. 
She tells me how full of life I am. I want to tell her how we all carry echoes around in our pockets but I don't think she'd understand.

And I just want to call you. Hand you everything I have like:
'Here's the dirt from under my nails. Call it apology. I hope it finally makes something grow'
'Here's that poem I never finished. Here's to hallelujah. Here's to all your leaving'
'Here's my storm cloud. Here's my salt spray.  Here's my window all dusted and bruised. I don't know how else to tell you that I have loved you in all four seasons'.

Everything you love will one day become sandstorm, cliff face, the blunt edge of a knife.
One day it won't be you holding the match.

Everything you love will turn back to dust
Everything you love will turn back to light
 Aug 2014 bucky
S
6:14 a.m.
 Aug 2014 bucky
S
it's 6:14 a.m. and i'm sitting on my terrace thinking about death.

i'm sorry for all the times my morbidity has brought you down
i'm sorry for all the times i've held onto your hand so tightly
my nails have pierced through your flesh.

i am afraid of letting go, you see.

even more afraid than i am of death
even more afraid than i am of actually holding your hand in the first place.

your tongue is like a razorblade when you tell me to leave
(that i am bringing you down)

i am sorry, darling.

did you know that the average human takes 8,409,600 breaths a year?
more than 7,000,000 of my breaths were filled with you.
did you know the average human being breathes fire zero times a year?
i'm sorry for constantly setting fire to your heart
and your lungs.

it's 6:15 a.m.
and i have nothing to think about but death.
 Aug 2014 bucky
fdg
blunt
 Aug 2014 bucky
fdg
and to be completely honest
things are never picture perfect
things never end up movie-like
our lives don't have automatic background music
and your palms will get sweaty if you hold his hand for too long.
sometimes you'll **** during ***
or you'll snort when you laugh
sometimes you'll cry when you don't mean to.
plans will fall through
or you'll be too sad to make plans
and most days you won't wake up stunning
even if you're waking up beside someone you want to look pretty for

but we keep on hoping
picture perfect is overrated anyway. i prefer pictures with bad lighting. shots that are a little out of focus, my favorite pictures are never ever posed.
 Aug 2014 bucky
wyatt rabbit
i had dreams of meeting outer space
running laps around the rings
alien murmurs like whispered sweet nothings
snorting cosmic dust
leads to
eyes that grow like eclipses
starlight sticking to my skin
initials carved in moon rocks
hurled through the stars like a telegraph service
it wasn't until i met you
that i felt the gravitational pull
it was you holding me to the earth
i didn't mind
suddenly space felt empty
it was small and you were vast
i pulled my head out of the clouds
and laid it on your chest
your eyes shone with the glitter of the cosmos
putting the twinkling stars to shame
black holes were filled
in me and in the universe
i stopped yearning for the undisturbed quiet
the minute i heard your heartbeat
through thin fabric and skin
and as cold as it was above the atmosphere
it was no comparison to the cold felt
when your body was away from mine
similar to how the moon would feel
should the sun ever cease to shine on it
the chill of unprepared absence
you became the center point
a bouquet of warmth and light
and life on earth
without you
was no longer possible


                                                      ­        *smndi
 Aug 2014 bucky
neo
morning
 Aug 2014 bucky
neo
it's time to wake up
yet the warm bed beckons me
I...can't...I must sleep
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