Countless times
Thoughts of the future floats within
Accompanied by a speed racing fear
Growing ‘till I’m drenched in cold sweat
Leaving a hard knot where my heart was
And as it cracks,
I’m enraptured in sad pain
Hot tears filling up my thoughts
Forming in my once happy eyes
In full readiness to soak my clothed chest
But of what use?
This pain never leaves.

Questions!
The purpose of ones existence
Every step forward is crippled
By the heavy weight of discontentment
Nothing feels right
The overwhelming feeling of emptiness
Unhappiness and unproductivity
Overshadowing all seemingly positive efforts
Filling up all happy spaces with sourness
The pleasure and laughter is only temporary?


And it repeats
Again and again
• • •

Well this time,
Even as sad tears form in my eyes
I made a conscious decision to write
All in hope that this sad pain
Will float from cracks in my chest
Through my thoughts and words
Unto this digital sheet
And I may find relief
From this overwhelming fear.


But that won’t happen. Will it?

A surreal experience
After periods of thoughtfulness
Enlightening to the core
Fueling all decisions
Questioning opportunities missed
And emotions lost
Never to be found again
Or not?

Actions already enacted
In my very thoughts
Now released in an explosion
of pent up frustration
Focused on one point.
Emotions poured out
Like torrential rain

It falls on you
And there’s no room for cover
Only acceptance
As we learn to bask in it
Waves and waves of chills
Left behind by droplets of this rain
Leaving behind fuzziness
And you light headed.


You think I’ve done something to you?
I haven’t even started.

So many written down and erased captions,
And recanted decisions to leave as is,
And multiple distractions,
Contemplations,
Platitudes and words of gratitude
All written down only to be erased again
And finally an overthought decision
To settle for a hashtag
All for an online post.
...