i keep telling myself to stop using you to self medicate

but the sound of your name is enough to close my wounds

remember the night I told you that you're my home and that

i wrote my poems on my skin because i wanted to place them somewhere you would notice

i asked you to take me to the mountains so we could fall in love at the highest peak

you said you wanted to reach into the sky and pull down a star for me

i don't even know who i am anymore. i'm stuck between the person i was before you and the person i am with you.

and now you're gone

sincerely, a girl who could never apologize for loving you

my heart wakes last of all
at the touch of love.

and now awake she unfurls
into all the spaces.

filling up all that's wanting
she sings to her lover.

the lover who rouses
all that's good within her.

i want
to
dream,
to love,
to never settle
for less than more,
to look at the
stars and know
i was made to
shine brighter
than they do,
to look at the sky
and know it is
my home,
to run wildly
and freely,
unafraid and
brave,
to dare to jump
and fall and
rise,
to
dream,
to love,
to never settle
for less than more.

Trembling hands grasping bow,
Flowers laid on ground below,
Candles burnt and tears flow,
Balloons in hand, we let them go,

Glass remains amongst the tree,
Bark stripped back, in memory,
Stories shared for all to see,
High emotion, running free,

The sun descends in golden sky,
I feel your presence walking by,
Fading son caught my eye,
Waving back, he said Good bye.

By Darren Wall

My body
Is not obscene.
It is not something
That needs to be hidden,
Brought out only in the dark of bedrooms,
And showers,
And alleyways,
And incognito mode.

My body
Is not for sale,
Not a commodity, though if I chose to sell it for money you'd ridicule me--
Deep down you love it, don't you?
The fine you pay for fine curves and no promises.
Those desperate nights you need something to come into.
Is that what we are?--
Somethings?

And no sooner exchange the dollar for a dance than sweettalk for ***.
And I could do the same to you, too-- I am not excused.
Not that you know that. We all pretend I can't...

Just a prize to be won?
I'm not anyone!
Come on, try to take me...
And when you do, oh-oh-oh!
Congratulations!
Lucky you!
You got me.

Success

Sweet success.

I have desires too,
But they don't matter--
If I want to **** him, he's the one who won
Because females don't desire.
And being trans?
Genderqueer?
Androgyne?
Hell, that doesn't exist!
What a load of ****!
And I smile now, because I don't remember how to cry.

I am not allowed to desire,
And if I do, and I reach what I want,
Then I am a ****.
Worthless.
Trash.
But were I a "real" man,
I would be a winner for it.

Anger has lived in me.
Jealousy has made my bones its home.
I am not allowed to exist.
I am not allowed to want.
I am not allowed to sin.
I am not allowed to be.
I am a second, a lower form.
Collateral--
And I'm yours.

Why do you worship my body and yet disrespect it?
And disrespect me?
I cannot exist.
Kiss me just to shut me up----
I'm tired of pretending to be human in a world that won't let me be.
I quit.

You complain that I complain.
But sexism pervades every moment of my life:
I am constantly fighting it;
Each kiss, every ****,
My schooling, my career,
Everyday conversations,
All of my relations to other people, no matter which kind,
Each time I shower,
Get dressed,
Exercise,
Turn on the TV,
Go out to the pool or a hotel or on a walk,
Sexism is there to hold my hand.
It is with me.
I've never had an ally so loyal.
It wouldn't dare leave my side.

Would I dare?
To leave it behind?
Would you?
Could we join hands,
Across genders,
Across sexes,
Form a new alliance?
One that helps me feel safe in my own body,
My own mind,
My own home?

That gives other women and other afabs a chance to be seen as more than just bodies?
Will there be a day when I can stand beside an amab, both our chests bare, and be seen as equal?
Will there be a day when you will see me as my gender?
And will there be a day that you will finally see a trans woman as more of a woman than me?
We may be females.
Biologically or mentally--
But that does not define us.
We define us.

This is My Body.
It is not me, but it is mine.
It will never belong to anyone else.

My Body.