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bluevelvet May 2017
What's the matter,
dear?
Hand caught in the
cookie jar?
Look in my eyes while
I judge you for
who you really are.
You act so stuck up,
better than everyone.
What's with the face?
Would you like more?
Just follow my lead
and you will see,
just how great pairs
of three can really be.
bluevelvet Nov 2017
Captain America
And taking jumps,
Popping pens
While I pop more drinks

You think you're clever
And you are,
You think you're better
But you're not

Stealing time and wasting
This precious life
On a guy who doesn't care
You can be IT,
Clean your fingernails

You think you're clever
And you are,
You think you're better
But you're not

The roles change
And you beat me at my game,
The roles changed but
I found my own way
Drink beer with your friends
And play your card games
You're just another level
In this video to tame

My hands are tied
But I smile like I'm fine,
Each boy is just the same
And doesn't see past my infamous fame
Play the same game
And I will keep counting each carcass
While listening to Calivin Harris

You think you're clever
But you weren't,
You think you're better
But we're on the same level
bluevelvet May 2017
Run, run,
r  u  n.
Fast enough to
fill you up with doubt.
How would you prefer it done?
I'm not a fan of guns,
they scare me.
Sharp and rigid edges?
But they aren't really
a friend of mine.
I could down a handful
of pills.
You already know how
I'm good at swallowing
things.
Look at that,
turning death into a
****** innuendo.
Maybe to help you
if you still cared,
you know,
past that plastic exterior.
Maybe to help me,
life is truly down since
the one you want
doesn't even
know
you exist.
Or maybe just doesn't
care.
Or maybe,
just maybe,
it's a joke.
All of this is a joke.
You, me, the world.
Life.
bluevelvet Jun 2017
The lights are off,
I'm still home.

The lights are off,
but I'm not alone.

The lights are off,
everything is gone.

Maybe it was because
I couldn't find it in me.

Maybe it was because
I was high on endorphins.

Maybe it was because
I could smell it,
I just couldn't care.

Maybe I'll be an ***,
say it's because you're ugly.

Maybe I'll lie,
shake my hand way too much.

Maybe it just felt wrong
because I was no longer a home.

Maybe I just fill my time
with reading every line,

maybe I'm the coward.

Maybe I've been lowered,
never who I was meant to be.

Maybe I'm lost and
he is the found.

I give respect now
because I grew into a being.
Learn how to be it sometime.
bluevelvet May 2017
I knew this boy once
He was nice from the start

He'd skip class
Go smoke cigarettes in the grass

He had strict parents
Went to church just to prove

He was a real game changer
Until he said goodbye

All it took was
Telling him about my thighs

I would love to tell him
Just how that made my eyes sigh

I didn't know the kid for long
But that was the start of
a lifelong aching song

If I could I would
Take a knife and
Slice off everything until
I'm the ideal beauty
Perceived by social structure

But what could he
Possibly do to change
The way he views
Himself and the ones
He brings down to his level
By calling them fat?
He was maybe my first boyfriend
It was long distance
He was a freaking ******.
***** him.
bluevelvet May 2017
You smile so nice,
i don't really have to think twice.
You make me feel
all these feelings that
boys like you don't really feel.
Do I really like you
or
is it just your *** appeal?
Or maybe,
just maybe,
i seen
that look i've become
all too familiar with.
Maybe it's just a mask
i'm wearing
or maybe
im just tripping,
and i do want to know
your mind,
your soul,
everything you like,
everything you don't.
Who
really
knows,
know?
bluevelvet May 2017
life
imitates
art
imitates
life
imitates
art
that's just a more creative way of saying it.
don't worry, i wasn't copying you.
hey!
anybody can use that!
bluevelvet Jun 2017
There once was a child,
No older than nine.
Parents told 'em
everything would be fine.
But the truth sometimes
tastes like a sour lime.

Carried it to the room,
didn't leave their hold of doom.
Tears filled the tomb,
And they ****** with a voom.

Cherished it like nothing
else ever mattered.
Kept it with everything,
wouldn't trade it with anything.

But the wolves,
they came at night.
Blinded the child with light.
Their stomach never had
felt so tight,
Nothing had ever felt so right.

But like any child,
they gave their charm away.
A moment in time filed,
it's the holy's luck now to stay.

And not everything is a dream,
life is sometimes
just what it seems.
The front of a heavenly glow
casts on the back a dark shadow,
Oh, how those claws grow!

And now abandoned
on the wooden floor,
The child wants nothing more
than to see how
that luck made the beast soar.
Hop,

     Hop,


         Croak.
bluevelvet May 2017
he sees me
but just for a moment.
no one around,
he talks to me
in a whisper.
acts so loud
and tough
with the other boys,
do you like it rough,
babe?
make sure
i'm around to hear
those pretty things said
to girls in
passing,
akin to the way
i wish i was made.
when no one
is around,
it's funny how
people can deceit.
when no one
is around,
you don't see these
tears of gold
made of
lemonade.
bluevelvet Jul 2017
She's like a drug,
The kind that's bad
For the body and lungs
But she's also like the kind
That makes a presence
Come to life and blind
The poor excuse of her

She makes mistakes,
Causes a big disgrace
And tries to make it right
But ends up losing every fight
And dims her very own light
Each and every time

She feels like a burden,
Something stale and harden
And easily is pardoned
Of feeling close to belonging
Looked over while dying

And she has trust issues,
Problems balled up in tissue
Akin to the disgusting flu
And bitter on so much too
But now she only has the ghost of you

She'd never use a hand to hold her head up,
Everything you'd say is enough
Look at you with childlike wide eyes
And believe it was no lies
Every word you'd say,
Another star in her universe
And your eyes are the moon
And your soul, the setting sun
All meshed together to form
Her favorite part of the day,
The time to take a favorite picture

She would break things,
Try to pick them up on her own
But you'd bend down and
Let the pieces cut your fingers too
And she'd kiss yours better,
You'd rap hers up in loves bandage leather
And she'd delicately dance around
Every single one of those things,
Learn 'cause you'd complete her

She'd work hard to be the perfect form
Of everything you'd adore,
Worthy enough to straddle your lap,
Devour your holy lips while you grab her ***
And bump noses to only end up in fits of laughs
And she'd only have thoughts of you,
You'd have only eyes for her
And she'd do the things even the purest of pure
Could never manage to do

She'd build flowers and paint pictures
To remind you that she's still there,
Deep inside where you both reside now
She'd punch through all your walls
Until her skin was gone and the meat
Was tethered to show the blinding white
Of her still trying bones
She'd take her eyes out so you could see
Just how far you've made her go to remember how to breathe
And how important and the center you've become
And when she'd sweat and curse,
Feel like she isn't worth your love,
You'd dab the sweat off her forehead
And hold her tight to soak up the pain
That would shake into your vertebrate
That's made out of armor and would end their life
Because you'd never want her to spend another sleepless night

But this is all she feels now,
And she feels alone now
Every song and every memory
Is about you somehow
Every movement and every plan
Revolve around you like she still has a chance
But it's all in her head,
She comes back to reality where she
Is really all alone
Opens her eyes and she's dancing with your phantom
Because she is a
li·a·bil·i·ty,
She's sometimes too much for even me
But she loves you and we wonder if you'll ever know that
Lie
bluevelvet Jul 2017
Lie
Like I have nothing to prove,
I lie and tell them I'm fine

I rub my collarbone
Subconsciously like
I have everything to prove

Thumb pad overlaps
Chipped and chewed nail,
I rub the protruding bone
Like a life source

My shorts hang nicely
Halfway up my belly
Without the support of a belt
That I made a new notch in
So my pants wouldn't hit the ground

My leg and feet bounce
In the way I'm carelessly impatient
To take chances that could ruin my life or maybe
Be the best thing to ever happen

I go through a pack
Almost everyday and my eyes,
They trace every part
Of this recycling maze
To form your distinctive face

These ribbons hold me tight
But I choose to ignore them
Because the you I knew
Wasn't ever so mean

And every reel of a past
That encircles with gold
Is played on loops because
It's bluer than the specks
In the minty aftertaste of
Things I worshiped with my nose

They are purer than
The white cotton that helped
Fight the things I
Could never imagine changing

They are easier to swallow
Than all the transparent and
Honey lavender that guzzled
Down my ungrateful throat

Easier to breathe than
The puffs of the earth's
Lavished mossy greens

But they make me want
To do all of this and so much more
But I lie to them,
I lie to myself,
Believe you wouldn't want that for me
****, I never missed something so bad
bluevelvet May 2017
It's okay to lie sometimes.

Like if I seen you kissing her again
and just the look on my face
has someone asking if I'm fine,
"Of course I am!"

Like if I found out you got married,
she was with child and brought
to life your dreams that I dreamt of
helping come true
I'd smile and could only say,
"I'm so happy for you!"

And when the day comes
and it finally sinks in that you
so easily forgot the boy that
could have loved you forever
I'll just type out an easy,


'Who are you again?'
bluevelvet Jun 2017
In between hills
The sun shines through trees
Cascading golden flecks
That twirl in the summer air

Three cabins
Made just for two
A pond set for
Turtles and snakes to inhabit
Birds chirping
And for once
Everything is enough

I'll leave my aged youthful spirit
Here with yours
To roam and dance and play freely
I'm the only one
To come back here still
Lay the past to rest

And I swear I will never be so stupid again.
But now
I will always miss you
And this time
I won't forget you
bluevelvet Nov 2017
I haven't felt this low
In my life
I don't understand
What's wrong with people
And what's right with the world

I'm a mess and hard
But you come around to understand
You aren't like them,
You seem to care
But only when you're here

I want to feel youthful
With you
Bend my body in ways
The others can't do

Show you love and warmth

But it isn't like that,
You seem different but the same
Can you picture it?
Me with your name

It's too soon,
You don't feel it

He shows up if
I let you go
Or I can wonder why
My new worth isn't enough

I want to buy it,
Dress **** for you
Call you daddy and
Touch you in ways that are new

But he isn't you

He has someone new,
Someone better than I could ever do
So what's stopping me
From diving headfirst
Into another lifelong regret
To see if you love me too?
bluevelvet May 2017
To feel like I don't
have to question my self worth,
to wonder if I'm enough.
To see it in your eyes,
to feel it in your touch
and hear it in your words.
To finally trust again,
making silly markings on myself
a total waste of time.
To find the one
that makes me want to
brand my body with beautiful things,
no longer the inevitable
depressed coloring.
Will it take my breath away?
Will it be extraordinary?
They say that if you thought
you found your true love who
didn't turn out to be it,
could you only imagine the utopia
of finding the real one?
I thought but didn't find the one.
I know what it feels like to spend
lifetimes regretting what ifs.
Isn't it time?
Don't we all deserve that feeling?
I know I do.
bluevelvet Jun 2017
She had came back.
All she needed,
confined in one sack.
It's just you and her,
the rest is a blazing blur.

Lean in closer,
shift her posture.
Before the cold kiss,
lean in and whisper
against her lips,

"Come away with me.
We could be free.
We could whisper
over soft rock music,
existing just to do it.
We could both be blue,
just me and you.
If you want to breathe,
be a cold freak like me."

Tilt her head back,
dive in deep.
Sweep her off her feet,
bring her back down
to your earth to meet.

You're her love postion,
the one to set her mind
free of all motion.
Make her numb,
make her dumb.
But she will be happy,
happy under your thumb.
Inspired by 'Freak'
bluevelvet May 2017
She has a hard time
letting go,
a hard time admitting
what she already knows.
She gets walked over,
she still tries to be clever
for the sake of a smile.

She still loves him.
She still craves him.
She wants the best,
she loses rest.
He seems happy,
guts another hole in
her sunken chest.

She still likes him,
it's a joke really.
Catching her in passing,
makes her feel silly.
But she's just dashing
to see her grand--mother.
Spotted by the unknown,
he makes it known.
But she just wanders
in her little girl blue wonder.
bluevelvet Dec 2017
I'm lonesome
In the way you don't care
With your greenscreen
And perfectly styled hair

It must be hard
To start a restaurant with your other half
It's harder to sit back
And watch the way you could've made them laugh

But maybe this is a new leaf,
A beginning of sorts

I treated you like ****
So I don't expect you to care

Maybe this is me toasting to the end
And I regret never taking
Better chances at what I had

Because you're gorgeous
And it ******* hurts
bluevelvet Jun 2017
I will stay on my knees in this bright searchlight and I will feel the heat melt my skin.

Will I be alive enough for you then?

I will stick to my promise and I will speak my truth to you.

Will I be alive enough for you then?

And when you sang that song again, loud enough for me to hear it,

Was I alive enough for you then?
Can you sing louder?
I can hardly hear you over here.
How will I be able to hear you back home?
But you've always had everything planned out.
And I was something you thought was worth the planning.

How Great Thou Art
bluevelvet May 2017
Expect to
be shown off like
a firework against
the darkest of nights.

My mind's a
little messy.
It has waves that
go up and down,
side to side.
A life jacket is
sold separately.

My eyes do
wander from time
to time,
but dont expect
to be safe
if yours do
the same.

I cry.
I cry a lot,
just not lately.
But if you
take a shot on the
heart of mine,
I will cry.

I will cry when
I don't get my way,
I will cry even
because it's
a sunny day.

But I love,
I love so fiercely.
You would
never have to
ask, wonder
or question it.

My love shines brightly,
my love shines faithfully.

Just don't
be surprised
to find,
when the love
you think is gone,
will always be
here all along.
i love myself,  so where are you?
bluevelvet May 2017
A reflection
to be punched,
shattered glass to cut.
How would
you have liked
my body?
Preferably
something akin
to playing
the game of
volley?
I could
start with my hips,
and then follow
with my stomach.
Or would you
just prefer it
over my wrist?
my many flaws.
bluevelvet Apr 2018
It feels like this.
When you're sinking further into the ocean
And all you can see is the sharks and the snakes
And you can only move with the shaking of finger tips

All the regret and could habe beens,
The should habe beens al wish I could be younger
Drags you further down
Until you're sea level of the floor

The coral and seaweed wraps you up.
Every scream of a name or two or three escapes
And travels to the surface to even
Being ignored by the seagulls

Or you're alone,
Soaking wet in your room
Can't even look at a mirror
Because every inch of you screams
Liability

Putting listings out for guys that aren't it but
Are a bigger picture of it all
But wanting to put a hit out
For your ownself

Make it easy, messy free.
A bullet to the head,
Three months to tell all them you tried.

Because you did.

You tried being kind enough,
Skinny and perfect enough.

You tried until it really mattered.
And you let yourself go.

You break and bend and you wish

You'd ******* ****

To try again
bluevelvet Jun 2017
Old tomb is lit by blue, reflecting stone
'You're almost to this summer home'
Wooden box is met at where you left your mark
And that is where I start
A playground takes up a bit of the part
And the wood wrapped around the tree,
Cut down to sooth the past when I felt free

So much has changed,
You will never know
And now that you found a way to be my favorite ghost
Well, I guess I should go

I should probably go

But the sound from dials aren't coming through
And I just hear the
Boom, boom, boom, boom
Of a heart brought back to life
Just for you
And now I'm crying,
Won't look in the rear view
And someday I'll have a mark for you too
And I'll let you know how people changing for the better is true

And in my head,
This would be done right
And in my head,
There would be no end to the fight
And in my head,
I wouldn't fade from your sight
And in my head,
There would be no reason to cry tonight

But you go too fast
You go and it doesn't last
And now I'm drowning in your past
I succumb to your arms
Pulling me out of Lake *****,
Only in my head.
bluevelvet Jun 2017
Being the good man you are
And keeping your word,
Knowing I can't do anything
In return must feel
Close to egotistical
But I'm not one for negativity,
Not anymore at least

And this sea just experienced
An inhumane tsunami
Of mass proportion
Everything the wave drags back in
Is a slow burn

But I'm the master of my sea
This pain will recede,
Your memory will not leave,
I will brave it and not flee.
This will not be the end of me.
You didn't want it written, 'makes it too iimpersonal'. But I'll make sure you know it's about you. Just watch. Watch and read. I'm better than you will ever perceive me to be.
bluevelvet May 2017
A heart that lives inside a jar,
a lightening bugs light
that cannot be seen
through the bruised tar.

Every chance encounter,
a new puncture
in the tin lid center.

One of these times,
one stab too many,
it will leave a
big enough hole to shine.

Flying out in a lunge,
illuminating half beating
and blacken lungs.

Shinning through pores,
it will have finally found
it's favorite score.

Ours will dance,
lighting up that special
part near a branch.

Singing gay and mary,
we will help with
heavy luggage to carry.

Brightening the darkest days,
we will bring forth
what's worth to stay.

I don't know who you are,
or where you lay
and how far.

But someday,
you will bring a light
that dissolves even
the deepest of hollow scars.

I can't wait to hold you,
I can't wait to love you.
If you're wondering about me,
just look at the stars.
bluevelvet May 2017

It is fitting perfectly,
missing puzzle piece.
It is not hearing a sob,
"What else do you want from me,"
taking for granted
everything they had to offer.
It is the fluffy stomachs to
lay your head and smell of vanilla.
It is not still crying for someone
that no longer cares for you.
It is waking them up
because your life is falling apart.
It is not finally slowing down
when it is too late.
bluevelvet Jun 2017
He put his hands on me
And for a hesitating moment
We waited for the gold

He'd rather have something more forming to hold
And I'd rather not be reminded of the cold

So for a moment
Let's pretend you're not dead
And I'll silence the dread
Of not getting up
Because it's not his head

And the walls
They want to yell it all
To say go back to hell
And now my soul is still to sell

But the metal on his overall
Buttons
Is colder than the metal
Under my forearms
And it still isn't enough
Because nothing is ever enough

But Bob the Builder
Can do anything with the snap
Of a bony finger
bluevelvet May 2017
Hopelessly a lover
and a dreamer
And that will be
the death of me
bluevelvet May 2017
Starving for that beauty,
Starving for the power.
Black rimmed eyes,
you'll be enough
one day.
Skinned to the bone,
rotting to dust.
bluevelvet May 2017
On the edge.
Watering cheap printed flowers
on rough and itchy blankets.
He listens to the heart he no longer wants
dwindle and die,
like a car wreck right before your eyes.
Brings you down by your soul,
in all the ways you used to flow.
Brings you down by calling your grandmother through your cry,
through the years of forgotten sighs
and now you're begging to
be brought home.

Come here.
Heart flutter to this day,
remember cheeky smile,
sweaty hair and the way
he made your world sway.
By the front of your shirt,
he brings you down to his level.
Through the hardwood floor,
he brings you down past dignity left at the door.
On the ground you know,
he brings you down past the crust.
Doesn't stop there,
he takes you to the center of the earth.

Back and forth,
vacant eyes search for remaining worth.
Pavement of past and present,
places you'll never know.
Sadness fills the dreaded sky,
reminds you of a certain time.
Ask yourself why.
You'll dig.
You can dig for two, three,
maybe four.
You can dig until there is nothing more.
Every ghost has a reason,
yours often come like different seasons.
Your a ghost of regret,
a ghost of treading slow.
But you are a ghost,
a ghost that they will always know.
Slightly based off of Meet Me In The Hallway by Harry Styles.
bluevelvet May 2017
My brother always told me,
'That mouth of yours is gonna get you in trouble one day,'
But by that time it was already too late.
My mouth did a lot of things.
Built boy's up in a pair of two,
Told pretty lies and
was never really good at hiding my disguise.
Let me pass on some beautiful things,
lashing out for the fear of what mean boy's bring.
Broke several strings,
hurt beautiful boy's with tongue rings.
If ever it broke your spirt,
it'd say sorry.
But what's the point of saying things
they'll never believe or worry
to hear?
It remembers the way of panic when the line went still after your father walked in a filled you with fear.
bluevelvet May 2017
Since you already know
and you like to play along,
make my effort worth it,
throw me a bone.
i prefer mine juicy, thick and long, if you must know.
bluevelvet Dec 2017
My bones
Are a collection
Of everything I am
A liar and a cheater,
The manipulator and faker

The salt in the wound,
The after party experience
The losr one you don't remember

My bones
Are filled with
What you think of me
And every little thing
You heard of me

But break your bones,
Color outside the box
Get to know me

I used to be those things
Now I am me
RM
bluevelvet May 2017
I have this friend,
They truly are the best.
Always there for them,
Keep what they tell me
Close to my chest.
I would never lie or deceit them.
Maybe I'm a little rude,
Blunt to be exact.
You could say I'm not modest,
Like, at all in fact.
But that's okay!
At least you can say I'm honest.
If they like someone that they could
do so much better or
if they like someone that they could never ever
have,
What would a friend do?
Tell them the truth!
That's why I'm so glad to have
A friend named M!
bluevelvet May 2017
Moped man
how far have you roamed?
Moped man,
do you have a home?
I see you digging in the past
and used waste.
Don't do that, it'll only
bring you self-hate.
Moped man
have you too heard?
About that ugly deceit and
all the things that were for me to keep?
Moped man,
don't listen to those words.
If I had my own I'd gladly
let you rest your weary head,
your very own bed.
Moped man
can't you see?
I'm only human,
you are too in your very own makin'.
Moped man,
I'd give you a hand,
but you're elbow deep in
the things that help me from being
haunted in my sleep.
I beg, I beg but you turn me away
To you there was nothing to say
I beg, I beg that you turn me away
To you there was nothing to say
bluevelvet May 2017
Words hurt.
Silence is defining.
Erase, type.
Type, erase.
Catching up in the way
you're already far ahead.
Never mind. It doesn't matter.
No message is a message.
bluevelvet Nov 2017
I could be a narcissist,
Tell you the best of lies
I can trap them,
Think they're worth my time

I could be the best of liars,
Cigarettes and ****
I can spit fire faster
Than I am running away from it

The best dumb *******
You could ever find
And it's just a waste of time
Because you already know
The things I'll tell you,
Doctor Who

But who are you?
Have you bent in half
To make them stay?
Have you cried and wanted to die?
Do you want to be so much more?

I am so physically and mentally
Tired.
So here's my truth.

I am better than what you think
I am a lost soul that is good
Everyone makes mistakes,
Bad decisions are lessons learned

If you aren't or never
Have been tired like I am now,
You don't know me.

You think you do
But
You
Don't.
bluevelvet May 2017
you have a weird
button nose;

sometimes i want
to punch it,

sometimes i want
it to fight for dominance
with the weird nose
that i have

(i'd let you win)

the way your
bottom and top
teeth line up perfectly
sometimes makes your
bottom lip pertrude.

(which i would nibble
to get your attention)

I normally find that
just a little
offsetting on people.

But with you,
it leaves your face
looking like an
adorable pout.

(which i would memorize
while waiting for
the sun to rise)
bluevelvet Jun 2017
I begged to go
And for a moment
I thought the truck wouldn't show

Down the hill,
The truck did come
I told you
I'd be back from where I'm from

Paper from tree
Aluminum sealed the seams
Write what you see
And the things you dream

And write one for me

Or maybe seven

Life split in half
I almost want to laugh
Psychotically.
Life dominated by purple
I could never see through
Now filled with green and blue
And I'm always too late for you
I had to make sure it was green
"Be sure to write one for me"
Before I lost the nerve to be free
But my stomach felt weird
And I knew I sounded dumb
'Cause someone like you
Wouldn't find anything to write about me
bluevelvet May 2017
1: a sentimental yearning for a reality that isn't genuine

2: an irrecoverable condition for fantasy that evokes nostalgia or day dreams
Paris \'pa-res\
bluevelvet Mar 2018
I encountered two addicts today.
One didn't even attemp to hide it
As she spaced out, listening to me
She licked her fingers and touched my change,
I almost wanted to complain
But I didn't

I have been there before,
Numb to the world,
Wanting the next fix
Slow movements and slurred words

Smack!
Like the ant size of my worth,
Crush it on the counter

And out of the 700 things you could have said,
You said that.
I'm sure somewhere written between the pages
That I spit on, yelled at, cried on, punched and scratched
It says for you to do it

I am an addict myself,
The only unconditional love I have ever found
Hardly asks for anything,
Is faithful through and through
The coldest of loves but keeps me warm,
Keeps me alive

But there's other addictions that's worse,
Far more dangerous
And that's where you fall

Because I remember you too
And you are far different from back then

My ant sized worth has been squished and kicked around,
Forgotten, regretted, hated
I am laying on my back in this ocean of life,
And I almost get to shore until the smallest of waves
Breaks on my face and fills my mouth
And I am drowning,
Lost in everything wrong and everything that could be right


But you are not alone
bluevelvet May 2017
He speaks with salt,
healed the wounds
from past wars he faught
Only able to remember
The different feelings,
She speaks with sugar

Morbid and horrid
he takes the life of those
that question him for a why
Of all the different ones he made
she quiver's with fear and remorse
with the final one he bestowed;
Thy true self
bluevelvet May 2017

I sleep, just one, in a lonesome bed.
While hopeless thoughts run through my head.
bluevelvet Nov 2017
I stared down the bottles,
Clear and filled with
Neon pink,
My old friends gathered
In neat rows of packed and sealed medication

I almost gave in,
Deep breaths,
Butterflies that once were
From boys were now
From what helps cope
With the burden of never being enough

My hands twitched and
My eyelid fluttered
It would be easy to go back,
To feel that again
And I want to

I want to feel numb from them
And laying beside someone
I want to laugh from the high
And kiss the pain away

But I have another way,
More functioning this time
I drown them away now
So I don't remember the dreams
Of kissing them
Or touching their faces
Or connecting with them

If you have never been addicted
To something to take the pain away
Have you ever truly lived?
Have you ever truly loved?
bluevelvet Mar 2018
You keep up the work, baby.
You're a real crowed pleaser.
Bite that toung, not that food.
And you can finally see it.
That face is thinner,
Those fingers overlap more.

You're on the right track, girl.
You a bad baby with a whirlwind storm.
Two years top,
Buy that couch.
Find that stranger and make it obvious.

A colorful accent,
Rosy cheeks,
Lopsided smile.

Let him feel those hipbones, sweet thang.
Do some ******* or ecstasy on that bone,
His choice because it is.

Bounce and you grind it, baby girl.
**** that neck and watch the sun rise.
Tell him. Demand him to listen.

"You see, I was never enough.
Never for the flash of cameras,
The holy trinity of delusion,
The fear of opening up.
I was a child, working for some kind of love."

And you smile because he's about to ******.

"Life is about compromising for the one you love."

You hop off, yiu throw him to the gravel.
Dump that lighter fluid, sweet child.
You use your last bit of strength to lift it up.
Toss that **** over the cliff.
Flick the match to follow.

And you look up.
The sun is up.
The wetness on your face dries.

Fold up the childish things,
Compromise with the ones you love.

One of these days,
You'll be good enough to be engaged too.
bluevelvet May 2017
Snakes are vicious,
snakes are wild,
snakes are pretty
when you're a child.
Snakes like to bite
anything close by.
Snakes are crazy,
with a mindset,
they aren't lazy.
Snakes like to sliver,
snakes give you shivers.
Snakes are mean,
snakes are fine.
Snakes no longer hurt
this heart of mine.
Snakes are resentful,
I wouldn't say regretful.
Snakes are beautiful,
snakes are kind.
Snakes are delusional.
Like in the way
they have 'mistake'
written in their eyes,
halfway through eating
their own body of disguise.
you always knew how to bring the best out of me.
bluevelvet Jul 2017
I sit in your car
You want me to go
But I refuse to until
The picture is whole

It's slow in my mind
The seats turn to soft, itchy grass
And wilderness and trees
Replace your shinny glass

I filed my nails down
To my tired bones
I made no sound
As the pain numbed them

I would tell you verbally
That I really do love you,
But there's nothing left to do
Summertime is through
Just a winter sadness left too

So I spray fast drying,
Non-sticky deodorant on
My shaking palms,
No moisture 'til you're gone

I'll absorb remnants
Of your decaying trust issue
And every single pain
That I childishly caused you

And I will take these memories
Birthed eternally in me,
A legacy passed on,
Decade at wavering sea,
Homed in my grateful heart,
Remain forever to be

And you will be free,
A firework you never got to see,
Pollen air clean to breath,
Enjoying warmer sun beams,
Just somehow, never forget me
bluevelvet Jun 2017
Used to stay up
Lay awake and
Wonder if it will
All make sense

Wondered what
It exactly was
That I was missing

Now that I
Rearranged
The tiles I
Sit up and
Mindlessly wonder
If anything else
Will ever make sense
bluevelvet May 2017
To rush your
hands straight out,
up and under
the opponents
used pads.
That's one
way to make him surely
proud.

To live and
memorize,
to breathe and
worship that
forsaken word.
That's the
only way to
live in his world.

"Sometimes no matter
how hard you try,
there will be people
that you will never
be good enough for,"
That's the only
lesson from him
that I will ever
be eager to learn.
sometimes preachers don't make good at being some things.
bluevelvet May 2017
Don't take that as
an insult,
you are there too.
Like a little seasoning,
Paprika perhaps,
a little flavoring so
the heart won't stop.
But that's just
something I've grown used to.
i felt this would make a better poem on it's own.
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