There is

       Three hundred and thirty million gods



            Like there is

     Three hundred and thirty million voices

                  

                But yours is the truth?


  I'll take that regret like I fell


                 far,



                                    far



             from grace.

Speaking of bad
trips on drug's,
Here's a little
riddle for you.






What is wrose,
living in sin
or doing sin
where it's taught?

Speaking of bad
trips on drug's,
Here's a little
riddle for you.






What's wrose,
living in sin
or doing sin
where it's taught?

Your eyes
Are
The answer
To
The riddle

Also,
"You're so
Fat and ugly
Why even bother?"

Like seasons I have died
Over and over again
This time it's thorns
To protecte the ones that want to come close,
The ones I want to save
Each ***** and scratch and ****
Is filled with venom,
Mouth breathing out disease
Could you have loved me if I never met him?
If I didn't make those mistakes?
You're fit and I'm disastrous
You seem calm and collective,
I move fast like a daydream
Drain guys like it's a norm
But you seem perfect,
The kind I want but never have.
In another life you're another guy
That wants to try but maybe
I'm stronger that time,
Maybe I'm enough for myself

I wonder how someone can enjoy being alone?
To find comfort in solitary.  
Whether physically or emotionally alone,
How can they stay in silence for so long?

I would rather be surrounded by hundreds of thousands of strangers
Than be by myself.
The being alone itself isn't what scares me,
It's the silence.
Because in that silence I am forced to comprehend
That maybe there is nothing more.

There is no other galaxy's that hold
Millions of billions of stars,
There is no other planets like Mars and Jupiter,
There is no other earths.

An earth for each chance you messed up or never took,
An earth for every mistake you wish you could change
And the opposite outcomes from them.
An earth for every time you were never enough,
Where you were far too much,
And you were never the one.
An earth to see what could have been,
But there is nothing.

I don't know,
A vast nothingness is scare than living in this hell.

And maybe this is all we have,
Maybe this is the only earth.
Maybe I'm the only me and you,
You are the only version of you.

And the only other earth there is?
The one in our dreams.
Where we do everything right.

You get what you give
Especially when it's one of their own
But look at me, mama
Defying the not possible
To the right, vacancy up and down
Behind there is nothing to be found
Forward is cloudy like vapor,
Nothing to hold onto
Look to the--oh my,
That snowball is growing
Unlike essential things
had to get that joke out of the way
Hows the sunny life turning out?
I never understood the way he looked at me,
The way he acted
You know, before I ****** up everything
I put so much thought in thinking he was a possibility,
Because he used to act nervous too
I forgot I wasn't that type of girl,
Skin and bones
But I stay headstrong,
Brush that dirt off when I stand
I keep going forward,
Defying the not possible

They know how to hide

  Their favorites in life really well

    And I'm no longer gonna

      Waste my time, it's different

Because everything was wrong

           Before recollection struck

   And I'm leaving my past behind

But I won't leave you behind

               You don't want a part

    But that's fine,

       You have plenty of parts

              To make up for lost time

I'm happy for you

         In everything that you do

You were the best and only

             Good thing that actually

    Happened to me thus far,

I won't ever abandon that

          Reminder when everyone

Slithers and begs to see me

             Tumble far, far down

I hope you're not one that

     Thinks like that of me

                    But I will carry you

   Through this pain with me

Because I knew your

             Pure heart once like you

  Once knew I had one

                       I disappoint the best,

     I make up in undying devotion

             Deep within my soul

    I hope you're ultimately happy,

       I hope you are truly whole

A burst of energy and I'm alive,
My self esteem comes out of hiding
I'm floating on the surface
With the help of a form of aqua
No one hears me,
No one sees
I'm in the middle of a sea
I created myself
Am I dead?
I feel it in my bones,
I should be dead and gone
Life feels worthless when you're alone
I just want a sign,
A reassurance that there is a reason
I'm still alive

Come back one day
Ask for an old friend
You can stay for a while
That'd normally **** someone off
In the same position

But you'd be an exception

Show you how things change
And how fame makes you realize things
And you can walk away
You can get up and go
Leaving a handful of change

Or you could stay
Have another round,
This one's on me
And you can tell me of a life
I was never made to hold

Because it's past may
And time has a funny way
Of flying by.

From physical to
The mental state,
I am a regret that each
And every one of them has made

I am the bad choice,
The part they will never
Tell their grandchildren
I am the easily replaceable,
The forgettable if it wasn't for
The things I regret doing,
Would you even remember me?

I am the one you scrub off your skin,
Mouthwash the taste of my type of love
Out of your mouth and spit the backwash
Where you left me,
Where you found me
Down here on the ground

I am the opposite you look for now,
I am the reminder of your low standard
I am the 'What the **** was I thinking?'
I am the **** of all jokes you know

But I'm the reminder of
How far you've come and the road
Of everything you now know
To look out for and staying clear of it

So,
At least I
Did that right.

Come away with her,

         Into a place where

This frozen time never fades,

       Both far and w i d e

Come away with her,

       You will only see

The still standing form of a tree

       That partook in composing reality

She's dressed in eternal white,

        Florescent blue street light

Concret and a barrel,

        Grass and gravel

Sun soaked murky water,

         Metal for the leather orange baller

A place where one rose stays true

        And the born again

Mind body and soul

         Is ever-present enough for you

Time is past and past,

           Is forever present

A hand caresses her sunken face,

              A heavenly place

But with just one gust of wind

             She opens her tired eyes,

The hand is but only mine

I momentarily hope
It's a bitter taste
Sometimes when you
Find me in things

When she moves
In just the right way
To have a little,
Itty bitty, tiny
Speck of gliter
That the light hits perfectly
And it shimmers in
Your eyes for an
Agonizing moment

Or if you're enjoying
The day while playing
Like children in the grass
And you both sit up
For a moments rest,
And you catch sight of
A flower in her hair
And it takes you back to
When I was younger and
Talking through my smile
And blushing because I
Never had the nerve to
Talk to anyone else like this

Or when you sing a song
And it's really about her,
I hope it's sometimes
A little painful because
Where the **** would you
Be exactly if I never pointed
Out how you should work
For those dreams because you
Have something to be proud of?

Then when the precise moment
You decide to do the fantastic,
Great and holy 'I do', I hope you
Delicately move a hair from
Her gloriously perceived face
And scratch the **** out of it
With the claws of a monster
And you have to think, well ****,
Are the ones I believed to be
Bad for me the ones that were
Really the bad ones?

And I hope it's a hellish bitter
Taste when you inevitably
Make her cry and the stars and
Big beautiful moon are
Reflected in her oh, so perfect
Eyes and you wipe them away
Like you did when you made
Me cry because I chose you
To be the first person I
Let myself cry in front of
Willingly because I couldn't
Control my emotions until
The moment I met you and how
No ones here to wipe my tears now
Except myself because ****,
Who's human, right?
Who's perfect enough to not
Make small and gigantic mistakes?

Heartbreak

Drug use

So much drugs

Pass the time while

Laying around high

Comatose to the couch

I'd watch my hand lag in front of my face

Skipped school too done to care

Katy Perry was a teenage dream

My brother said to stay away,

He said I didn't know who I was hanging out with

He also said my mouth would get me in trouble one day

You said it's my choice but I'm making the wrong one,

Dad yelled and said he loved me and knew I was so dumb

If ear exams were made of acknowledging clear signs

I'd be considered deaf

Bleach you out.
Shave it all off.
I wish you were gone.
My hair,
A prised possession.
Your love,
Another dimension.
Don't forget me,
God.

To dwindle
is to linger,

Crying out
is to crack a
finger.

I enjoy the quiet,
it's my lonesome,
it is my only
friend.

The rush of wind
as I breathe in.

I exhale you,
and all the
bad things
you like to do.

I'm not one
to judge for a past,
so I won't
fight back.

You came,
you saw,
you left your mark.

But to be
fooled by a fool
is to still care
and always be
there.

You're a friend
of a friend,
and I'm the
third friend.
How does it feel
when the one
you took for granted
doesn't see all
that enchantment?

To ask you
is to be burdening,
for the whispers of
'just try, you never
know'

To play with
ones heart and
well intentions
is the only crime
I can forsee.

To the past
it is a lesson
To the present
you are not
a blessing.

There's one vital scene I watch
Over and over again.
And I almost want to do it.
I know what you're thinking.
She's lying.
She's dramatic.
She wants attention.
And maybe you're right.

But I set there before.
In the bathtub.
And the blade was in my fingers.

And you can know me for a hundred million reasons
But each of them fades when I want to see my blood
Because I think life would be better,
Would be simple
If I couldn't feel

I am letting down the only person I have left.
The only one that stuck around after
They told me he was the dark path,
Wrong road to follow

And it isn't you that I sesrch for
But I can tell you know.

One flinch of the nose,
Hannah decides to have more ***** than me

But I look at my finger tips.
They are rough and chewed.
They are old.

I can take the shaking,
The vomiting
The stumbles and slurred words

But I look at them and I want what you have
The smallest heart beat in the world,
Fingers around my pointer finger
The love of my life there,
Beside me

And for once,
For ******* once
They say,

"You need to eat"

Because the feeling of bones is better than my worth
The feeling of belonging is better than my tears

And bob doesn't know me today,
Or ever really,
But giving up isn't in my blood

i watch you
turn and lift,
turn and sit
heavy loads.
Such a thin body,
how do you do it?
Do other parts
of that body
have such strengths too?
I bet it feels heavenly
to bask in all of it's
innocent, manly glow.
Like feeling the water break
on my less than stealer face,
after drowning for years.
Like tasting the sunlight
after being in hell for a hundred
days and nights.
I would admire every inch
with my mouth like it is the finest
modern and classical art.
I would worship it
with my fingers like it's
made of braille and all that
is translated is the
holy word.
I'm sorry.
Was that a little creepy?
Maybe...crazy?
I'm sorry.
I just have an obsession
of writing all the beauty
that my eyes can find.
While you wouldn't even bat an eye
if I laid down and just died.

I don't understand
The conservative view on life,
Didn't mix with that vibe.
But I felt ration in 'sixteen,
took me back just past nineteen.
Hot coffe spilt,
our world was in tilt.
Collisions a moment ending,
no more room for griving.
One day I'll fall asleep,
but someone will be there to take the wheel to keep.

I sit and enjoy the talk.
Wind in our hair,
The clothes we wear.
Celebrated a life long lived,
Having someone near
would make it more vivid.
Maybe I'm being selfish,
it isn't my day.
Holding a hand
would make it less boring
is all I can really say.

Oldest of old friends,
You were supposed to stick around
Until the very end
Even if I wasn't the one
You were supposed to share
The happiness you won
The good times and
Remembering the things I used to be
Old friend,
How is everything treating you
Since I wasn't the one?
Ghost and regrets tug
At my heart strings but
You were always the one
Dearest friend,
Didn't I tell you?
I ruin everything

I care about the way I look,
I care about the way you
perceive me.

I care about my favorite book,
I care about the way it let's
my dreams of 'us' be.

I care about the way you see,
I care about the way you make me believe.

I care about every word you spout,
I care about the way you fill me with doubt.

I care about the way you treat her,
I care about the way I'm a
misplaced,
forgettable blur.

I care about the way you don't care,
And I care about the way I'm
the only one who stares.