Your eyes gazing into mine
leaves me breathless,
I can't look you in the eye,
the pooling of tension and fluttering butterflies in my stomach
leaves me speechless

and if I want to hold a conversation
that's no good.

and sometimes I wonder what it's like to be sane,
but then I remember
that's a life without living, a life without pain.

I'd be stupid,
but not my brand of stupid--
I'd be exponentially stupid,
stupid to the power of stupid
if I pretended to be someone I'm not.

and that's what you'd be--
stupid to the power of stupid,
if you wished I pretended to be
anything less than I am

because I've always been too much,
that's my problem.

I'm too emotional,
too needy
too affectionate
too damaged
too this
too that
too smart for my own good.

but I'm sick and tired
of wanting to be someone else
I like who I am
I won't be anybody else.

I could be better
but a better me
not a new person all together.

your eyes leave me speechless,
your words leave me breathless
and without you my heart means less
than it did before.

I wonder what you see
when you look at me
if your heart slams into your ribcage
the way mine does sometimes when I stare at you for too long
or when you touch me unexpectedly

I wonder if when you hear my voice
your stomach bursts into small fluttering sensations
or when I hold your hand
if it feels like home.

with or without my sanity
you leave me speechless
and I'm disjointed,
just like always.

Your skin
touching mine
your flesh
pressed against me
the rush of your blood
and the curve of your
spine
and arch of your back
and the motion of your hips
and the crook of your neck
is where my lips connect
to your skin
and your flesh

and your heart is b-b-beating against
my ch-ch-chest
and your hands wander
and my mind wonders.

and I can feel you growing ever the warmer,
almost achingly feverish
where my thighs connect to my loving and lustful hunger.

and the world crashes and rebuild and crashes and rebuilds and crashes and falls and rebuilds and then we reach a type of beautiful and extravagant crescendo and the world slowly rebuilds piece by piece
as I collapse and crash with your lips on my skin

and I've never felt more at peace.

With you I am bitter cold and bleak
Without you I am creative and mistiquely unique.
Without you my brain operates on a level of an Intellectual Geek.
But when you  are around Im feel like climbing a mountain thats too far way and too steep
That I give Up climbing because of the pain in My knees, my legs and my feet,
My soul cant breathe and heart and mind become feeble and weak.
Without you I am Strong enough to conquer any mountains peak.
But with you i feel Rather incomplete.
But without you im Woman of Proverbs, A portrait resembling one who is humble and meek.
But with you The cat has my tongue so I cant express What Im feeling through the words I speak
Is it my demise what you seek?
Without you I feel put together and kinda neat.
With you its hard too feed my spirit what it needs to eat.
But without you It like Just another sad love song on repeat.
With you I feel im at war and your personal gain is my defeat.
Without you its hard sometimes, kinda of bittersweet.
But with you all I feel alone and in behind my smile I weap.
Without you my transcendent self can't seem to find sleep.
I guess the capicity of my love maybe just a little to deep.
Maybe You should learn how to swim because you sow what you reap.

I use to be all about you.
Like everything I say and do needed your approval or had to have value.
Until the day I found out you didnt love me the same I once loved you.
Then my heart became like a freeze color of blue.
I felt like i would be lost without you, I cried Whats a girl to do?
I felt stuck like an animal trapped in the zoo.
Until I changed My perception and started seeing things in a new view.
I had to tell myself you know I matter, Im Important too.
That was just kinda a clue
That its time to move on boo boo!
Its hard to be with you but I think its better to be without you

I saw a mother holding a new born child, she sheltered it close as a gentle rain fell down. I watched two children at play, they held hands and laughed one sunny day. I saw a stranger help an old person across the street. I heard a story of someone saving the life of a person they may never meet. I saw soldiers giving children toys, bringing smiles to those different from them. I saw someone praying with a person of another faith. I heard joyous singing coming from everyplace. I saw the love that a person can show to another. I have seen God's kingdom in all of us.

yesterday, my mind was a landslide,
an earthquake instigated
by platonic fates.
i nursed a headache, reeling
from the repercussions
of unrequited affection
and a planet spiraling
towards complete annihilation.

today, my heart is leaking uranium,
a radioactive time-bomb,
primed to explode.
the nuclear codes
have been plugged in,
the key has been turned
in the ignition.
Houston, we have lift off.

tomorrow is far too late. the warheads
are already en route to their destination.
now nothing can stop our obsessive compulsive
disorder, our pining for the sixth extinction.
from the horizon, i watch the nukes eclipse the sun
and i rage, furious on the precipice of the abyss,
desperate for death's sweet kiss
and the utter bliss of oblivion.