I once knew a lass called Louise
Who had a penchant for smelly cheese
She got camembert
Stuck in her hair
And said 'that'll be good for the fleas!'

I think I'm coming down
with the spring sillies
My dafty thoughts are feverish,
budding, blossoming,
Impulsive, daffodilly

My thigh muscles are stronger
And start to twitch,
As if they now prepare
To bound and leap in meadows
Like the mad march hare.

A cheeky imp is glinting
In my left eyeball
Calling me to frolic
With the April fool

There's happy hope in spring growth
Nature's clever ploy
And I'll not let any April showers
Dampen down my joy!

I'm creating a Lego alter-ego
Called Scarlet.
Her skin is flawless
Her face a fixed fierce determined smile
Her drawn on ******* will never sag
And she never has a hair out of place.

She has a pet monkey by her side
Poached from my brothers 1989 pirate set
After she duelled with Pegleg Pete
And made him walk the plastic plank.

She has lego lovers in high places
Batman has given her the code to his 6860 set batcave
And the white Knight from castle set 70404
Has lent her his trusty steed
And he drank from her cup.

She is fearless and has an interchangeable
Wipe clean wardrobe
She can be whatever she wants
She is **** yet robust
When placed on a high shelf
She may gather dust
But she is always ready
For fun and adventure
And she will never age or rust.

The pink Panther tune
Was played in a major key
Upon my thigh
Composed of my son's raspberries.

Accompanied by tinkling laughter
Practiced with gusto
I don't think we'll make the x-factor
But maybe we'll do our own show!

What kind of man
What kind of man am I?
Sits on his hands and watches
The world go by
That stares at the sky
Never bothers asking why
Who listens to fools
And hurts those he schools
And makes his own rules
Who leaves when he wants
And loves when he can
That works when he should
And plays as he would
He stays if he was
And prays just because
He's sad don't you know
And mad you should go
And proud as a man
Cause men will be men
What kind of man
What kind of man am I?

feelin lazy today,
so you get what you get,
turn the page
move on
learn from your mistakes
be brave
face your fears
footloose and fancyfree
don't run with scissors
smile
stay a while
catch more flies with honey
wrong way turn back
a stitch in time saves nine
when i was your age
no rhyme or reason to it
high road or low road
polly want a *******
click, click, boom
first past the post
i 'm just a smiling sunbeam
barrel of monkeys
to thine ownself be
thank you
what doesn't **** you
hand in the cookie jar
never seen the like
flat out like a lizard drinking
not happy jan!
take a bex and have a good lie down
sunshine and daffodils
slip, slop, slap, put on a hat
life passes by in the blink of an eye
chip on your shoulder
take note
laughter the best medicine
***
brainfreeze
kindness warms the cockles of my heart
if you can't be nice
you did not just say that
umm, ahh,
now you in trouble
quiet now i am watching tv
do not cry
don't spray it, say it
do not tell mum
it was'nt me
hava mint,
please
lol
go to your room
do not pass go do not collect one hundred $$
hello
all the world's a stage... merely players
wanna play
go away busy
want to come over
can i kiss you
push
it's a boy
what a whopper
please i've seen better
do i know you
the dog ate my homework
who now
why am i here
put your clothes on
what goes up must come down
life goes on
is my *** big in this
stop the merry-go-round i want to get off
whatever
i need a dollar
tea anyone
she had a goodlife
sorry
how much
every things coming up roses
what pink pigs flying overhead
snap, crackle, pop
one sugar or two
in case i don't see you
good morning
good evening
and good night
ttyl
out
take a bow you've earned it

WANTED:
one poet!
garret trained,
impractical in many ways,
scatterbrained, dark, mysterious.
and lovelorn.
must be at the very least lovesick.
not adverse to occasional starving and bouts of woe.
even able to adapt to living
in a continual cycle of manic depressive flux.
able to overcome writer's block...
and worse!....word drought
able to converse in both, straight and rhymed verse.
desirable; an understanding of
freeflow and rap
must have ability to write,
day as night and night as
day
must work for minimal pay,
read: mostly zero $$.
just occasional compliments.
should be able to empathise.
and in a position to consider (as a carreer pathway)
attempted suicide.
applications by way of
verse
can be sent to the reader
via the internet eather
and will be read of course
but be warned the reader
is fickle and may not deign
to reply...

hallmark cardwriters need not
apply

i am all sharp,
pointed thorns,
this morning.
like a rose far past,
the glory of it's gentle, summer bloom,

i am decay, atop,
a stick of spears.
all bloated,
with dismay...

at time past,
and beauty lost,
great is the fear,
of new beginnings
and the loss of all,
i hold dear.

just cut me down,
for kindness' sake.

throw me, into the dark,
so i can quietly break...
down.

then with time, my hubris
will become earth's humus

and become,
of some small use,
to some one.