music on nights like these
let me close my eyes and
see you by my side with
a smile on your face
lost in the way the beats flow  

I'm not just dreaming          

on nights like these

my heart feels

complete.

achromatic.
                      adrift.*

in this
               polychromatic world.


monochromatic views.

breed

duotone intolerance.

Here's one shot for giving up 
And one more for giving in
Without a fight
When nicotine and alcohol
Can't dull the sense of the end
Trying to win with a losing hand
The cards I've been dealt never stack
Quite as high as the sky
The stars look so bright alone
That empty space magnified
Do we know that we're truly alone
Or does it take the bitter taste
Of one more rejection
To cross the line
A photo finish that no one read
Care is a concern for the snowy trees
The mysteries of life hold nothing
For an ant like me
Grind me under your heel
Grind me, a nuisance with my heart
Left longing for what
I look for answers in the moving train cars
But the perspective is only a blur
Colors flash by in meaningless shapes
To love or to live
That is the question my dear
With only one answer
And it is nothing, nothing that these ringing ears
Want to hear
The burning bridge can only moan
Under the weight of this heavy soul
Weighed down with too many years
Of beating half empty
The blood is oxygenated
Sparkling wine will only go so far
Before the chill sets in
Marlboro 27 specials kiss my lips
And lead me down this path
One step closer to death
If only I could inhale
You

.              frothing.
    
                                 seething.

                                                  roiling.

    ­                                                            a tempest
  
                                                                ­                       brewing.

                                                       ­                                                  anger

                                                          ­                                                            strik­es

                                                             ­                                                                 ­      like

                                                     ­                                                                 ­                        lightning

present words spoken

reach others ears.....delayed

as past relics

lost in a liquor haze
lies like a one night stand
mutual attraction of mundane ideals
forbidden words whispered in defiance
of social, cultural, family expectations
beneficial partnerships lacking soul
money, money, money, money
sensual *** without a second thought
bodies viewed as replaceable objects
experiments of genders one or two
big and small, thin and wide
lips to lips to lips
bravado or a bet, charisma
another one added to the tally

or

the feeling of falling and knowing there is a net
of giving ones whole being without a second thought
living for another, living like each ay could be its last
time spent apart seems like millennia
that fabled, sought after kiss - transcending time
the fabled sought after touch - one that reaches the core
a thousand diamonds could not rival the beauty
the brilliance, the acceptance of flaws and all
emotions not meant for this lifetime alone
but to traverse the ages, written about
talked about, wished upon, searched after
understanding these four letters for all their worth

can we?
can we imagine love?

flirting with death telling her i'm ready
she's caressing my temple my lips and my chest
with a blue steel barrel goosebumps and longing
a short sharp breath and eyes closed tight
i ease and ease and ease the trigger in
click
can't die yet, rent's due tomorrow

music carries me
my heart sings silently sighs
through my writing hand

with smoke tainted breath i sit and watch the night pass by
a silent guardian to watch my waking thoughts
the blinking traffic light tick tock ticks my life into pieces
a second hand reminder of the passing time flies
i reminisce on thoughts once alive and
create a late night fantasy in my mind
of life once lived to the fullest extent
only available in dreams brought on by death
the air is chill a cool reminder of the progressing season
where even the earth finds itself locked in throes of ecstasy
at the mere idea of change
the sky, towering sentinels that keep their eyes to the heavens
for any sign that this chaotic life will sink in calm waters
it smells like rain and the smell is sweet
caress my heart with a sense of longing as i create
this poem of cliche meaning
i live to love and love to live with lover in hand and
a night beneath the stars
only spoke about in hushed voices for song would break the spell
if this city wakes
i find myself asking the empty air for answers to these
dilema questions only meant for rhetorical ears
a writers lament
the cry of the mocking bird
syncs with the pass of a car
sweetly soft in a partners sigh
repetitive to most
these lips taste like honey and
my soul is free to wander to home
where you lay sleeping
safe and sound in the sea of mist
that separates the lost from the jealous eyes of unforgiving rest
a movement without meaning draws inspiration
for zen meditation
my coffee is getting cold

You would have me play their games
conform to their ideals
take their tests and obey
obey their wishes obey their authority
You would have me forfeit my
individuality, essence, mind, soul
you would wish me to walk
the walk of the waking dead
open eyes unseeing, open ears deafened
by their voices, ranting, raving, gibbering
salivating, drooling, gnashing their teeth
in anticipation of consuming my
hopes, dreams, morals, conscience

but

I refuse you and your lies
I refuse to be one of the flock
I refuse to be subjugated
I refuse your will
I refuse to live how you see fit
I refuse to passively accept your burdens and your problems
I AM ME I AM MYSELF AND I AM I
You will never lay claim to me
**I REFUSE

is a razor blade cheating?
because i cant feel the pain
i see the blood
drip
drip
dripping down
my knuckles on to the sink
did i really cut that deep?
because i cant feel the pain
as im staining my
sink
skin
red with life
will the color ever come out
have i lost all feeling truly?
because i cant feel the pain
maybe im already
numb
dying
dead
i cant seem to get warm
have i really gone this far?
because i cant feel the pain
carved into my knuckles
drag back
drag forth
substitute emotion
to remind me how i feel
yet im still feeling nothing
nothing
nothing
except for pain

music through my veins
polyrhythmic synapses
firing in 3/2 timing
stuttering triplet rolls
around my thoughts
octave to octave change
quicknowdoubletime
overdrive of emotion
s l o w s  t o  h a l f  t i m e
q  u  a  r  t  e  r   t  i  m  e
e   i   g   h   t   h    t   i   m   e
stop these shaking hands
this staccato heart
a note from the end
a measure too soon
a crescendo to nothing

discordant - anti-climatic.

was the song to my life ever on beat?

would you miss me if i
died
would you even shed a tear
would anyone i know even
cry

would i haunt you in your sleep
a shadow
a ghost
a secret
you couldn't keep
am i killing you?

if i disappeared tomorrow
what would be left unsaid
don't come to my funeral
it's to late, i', already dead

you had your chance
no one heard the words i said
no one read the signs and now it's to late
I've gone over and given myself to
fate

let's see if i can get to the point
where i feel no more without passing out
so i can think of you again
and all those nights we had
without wanting to take
this blade to my chest and
cut out my still feeling heart
cause it causes me nothing but
anguish and leaves me feeling empty
at 3:30 in the morning
i feel your arms around me
as your ghost whispers in my ear
and tells me how you once
used to love

the smoke that drifts
from lips once kissed
spirals and twists
your eyes are missed
my heart, it lifts
til you dismissed
and caused these rifts
my love, away you ******
lover's hands turned to fists

the river flows swift
flanked by mossy monoliths
a single yell, splash

white
                red
                            black
graceful contortionist
             hidden
               faces


samurai?
demon?
princess?

-                                    u
                          ­        j       m
i may let go and                  p
                                      
                                                   f
                                                     r
                                                       e
                                                         e

                                                          f

 ­                                                         a

                                                          l
    ­
                                                          l
    ­            


                                                          d

                      
                                                          r


  ­                                                        e  


                                                          a


­                                                          m


   ­                                                       n


      ­                                                    i


         ­                                                 n


            ­                                              g


               ­                                        stop.

sinuous, sleek
predatory in nature
from the shadows
of my conscience  
creeping to the forefront
of my mind

wrapping oh so
sseenssuuaallyy
around my thoughts
infiltrating into the dark
crevices of my soul

with the hissing sound
of deceptive claws unsheathing
- black and cold,
flaking rust
stroking my spine
shivers arousal

prowling through my heart
slowed to non existent beating
i feel my fingers, soft silk
flexing to steel cables
caressing oh. so. lovingly.
around
your
throat

with a last breath... gasp... *my love

my kitten chirps trills
meows purrs hisses squeaks speaks
arcane, cryptic, cute

it's cold outside but my kitten simply radiates heat
if only she would be useful and stay on my feet

i wish i could have known you
a lot better a lot younger
so i could see you like this
sundrops on your kisses
with colour in your eyes
fingers trail the frosty panes
as we trade breath on these
cool winter mornings
our hands forming hearts
in the left over spaces
between fingers that hold
my soul delicately carefully
touched by the moon and the stars
as our fingers run over the frosty
winter glass

sink into the silence
nothing left by nothing
a silent trip adviser
to blame the past on
levels of induced mindless
consumption that dealt
with the singularity breath
ghost located in page
after page after page of longing
caress and sniff and smell
the burning rubber sensation of
ice melted fire drops
dealt to deal with dealing
memories forgave in the think tank
calm in the blue raindrop
frisky frisk touch of soul
felt with eyes wide open
and a heart made of gold
to last ever last in the synaptic
convulsion that twitches and squirms
of a mental addiction love and pain
and parlor trick injections
did i mention the hopeful twist
of a sudden quick thinking passing
love is love actually and codeine is
a moment of unloved passive regret
o d on your section of unblinking
overwatch i snorted the powder
to happiness everlasting
cuddle with my corpse
i want to be the little spoon and feel your heartbeat in my back pressed selfishness to hold my soul and revel in the passiveness of unthinking
let me lick your inner soul and taste
the salt of a lie left on cracked breathless lips

self imposed solitude
the only control of
the uncertain comforting
dreams of another
wake to empty arms
holding air and the
nothing in between
alone to save others
from the inner chaos
of a mind unmade
sentenced to eternal
damnation at the hands
of an unrelenting judge
angelic minds turned
towards the soft embrace
of nightfall madness
together we are apart
separated by a rift in
my very soul that no
human connection can
bridge or cross lost
to the feeling of self
awash in the emotions of
others empathetic to
the point of unfeeling
watch the threads
unraveling as my heart
comes undone at the seams
i am alone because i feel
more alive when my heart
is the only one i hear
beating with the longing
for another heart to call
home

a sad sea of trees wishing for
the fall nights breeze to push
the stars their way so they wouldn’t
be lonely come this cold winters day

i spent hours looking at engagement rings
trying to find the perfect one for you
imagining just how big your smile would be
when you found out it was true
best friends till the end and even then
our interests would carry on through
i'm living three years in the future
with love and best regards perfect pairs come in two

paper hearts held to the flame
burn with the passion that
we used to know
until my fingers are covered
in the ashes of my memories
of the nights we spent laughing
in the glow of our cigarettes
kissing to pass the times that
your hand never left mine
locked our secrets in the dresser
on your desk you held my heart
in the stem of your wineglass
my last memory fades out to the
morning sun erasing the solitude
of night, i’m alive, my heart’s
still beating minus the piece I left with you

as we play through these
gray underpasses
drinking the night away
on these cold city streets
share your cigarette with me
and we’ll share our love
in my compact’s back seat
kisses mapping paths to
our hearts as we taste
our souls in the salty tears
of our goodbyes
(spoken)
ashes to ashes we danced
under the moon with the
trees to our backs
fall with the leaves as you
fell into my arms
inseparable i loved you more
than i could never know

foggy mornings
never looked so good
reflected in gray eyes

your hand, a black velvet glove one a white lace lie
brushed the hair from my innocent eyes
as your poisonous red lips
stole the life from mine
you whispered in my ear
and i could hardly believe to hear
                                  "love is suicide, hold me as we fall together"
fall we did (no regards for consequences)
angels without wings (we left them on my apartment floor)
the wind lifting our hearts (more than our bodies)
as we rested in a pool of roses (a red and black affair....cliche?)
30 stories below
you've never looked so perfect
with a broken halo on your head
with our love on your lips
life reflected in your glassy eyes
no breathe to stir the living
as i fade to black

the feeling of love
a long lost friend
left due to disuse,
distrust, a lack of
motivation for lack
of better words
to cynical?
to jaded?
or just to scared?
to bridge that gap
to take the first step
the feeling of love
all but forgotten unlike
the very real, very close
feeling of pain, of loss
of being alone
of causing another harm
do i dare take the leap
do i dare risk the fall
the inevitable or is it?

my heart searches
screams out to the void
for a companion
answers hidden
and only hears its own
echo
        echo
                 ech
                        ec
                             e
                                .








*i am so very alone

it's all in the details, shadows tracing shapes
of ghosts of past demons seductive with
wide eyes of warm brown flecked moss green
whisper in my ears of delusions and grandeur
while fingertips trace burning lines in
the well worn patterns on my back
temptress, succubus, leech, smooth with
manipulative cunning and dangerous beauty
a haunting promise to kiss the poison lips
of a night filled with fool's gold memories
left in the morning with an empty chest
and entrails that went west with the setting sun
with the greatest beauty, and grasping claws
silk sharp nails hooked in flesh and conscious thought
leave me from your deceptions and lies
my sweet Lilith, I am but a disposable distraction
naught but a notch in your bed
you left with my mind and my heart
left my body but an empty shell
a wraith wandering this grey plane

The pale glow of her skin

Calls out to him

Calling and luring and dragging him in

The kiss of two lovers

The passion delight

Nothing compared to the vampires bite

Golden hair flows back

Exposing her skin

Her blood its calling

Calling to him

Feel her heart beating

Its racing, its racing

Beating and beating the darkness within

Now the bites taken

Now the bloods flowing

Drip, drip, dripping for him 

Soaking and staining the soft white skin

Come see the feeding of

Marius Gallowsraven

trade insanity to the tailor for top hat coat and cane
to wear to the mausoleum ball, daylights bane
where Lilith masquerades as innocent love
and black bat wings spring forth from every dove
skeletons twist about the living wearing skulls as masks
the grave keeper rejoices in his gruesome tasks