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Grey eyes
You captivated me from the moment I first saw you
Keyboard Kafe. Cheesecake and Bourbon
Too young to drink without your fake ID
I loved your youth
Skinny jeans for summer
Singlets and jandals for winter
Uniform otherwise
You looked smart in blue
**** in black
Washed out in red
Like death in white
You escaped to Oklahoma of all places
Discovered the music in your heart
Came home with a farmers tan
Work was an issue
At least you tried
***** was the only cure you could find for your lonely soul
If only you had found me
Friends came and went along with your
Umpteen love affairs
Self respect
Confidence
Inspiration
You had cared all your life until nobody cared for you
Your tan faded
It was time to get off the couch and out of bed every morning
Janice kicked you out
You refused to pay rent
Branna and Harrison discarded you too
You were a man of many friends
Yet the loneliness in your soul reduced you to tears every night
In the bed you wish you hadn't made
You traveled
To Perth
Alaska
The dairy down the road
Prices were reasonable
Divorce rate low
Fake tans ever popular
You could get away with anything
I loved your perspective
Burgers, fries and coke
All you could afford but kept the weight off
You were always handsome
And always in need of a shower
You never married, I know
You never met the right one
You never met me
Your blonde hair faded and your eyes grew redder
A nip of gin and three bottles of whisky kept you sane
You gave up on drugs
And cigarettes
Just drank until you fell
                                              down
Janice
A three year old daughter in her arms with eyes like yours
Grey eyes
Came by your house
Full of spite
She stormed in
You hung by your belt from the trellis in the back garden
It was a sad day
Like today
You've always looked **** in black
I hate the fake tan the mortician plastered on you
I hate the fact that Janice spat on you in front of the wee girl
I hate that you don't remember me
I hate that High School was a *****

And that I was shy

But life got the better of you
So I don't blame you
I love you
It was also my violent heart that broke,
falling down the front hall stairs.
It was also a message I never spoke,
calling, riser after riser, who cares

about you, who cares, splintering up
the hip that was merely made of crystal,
the post of it and also the cup.
I exploded in the hallway like a pistol.

So I fell apart. So I came all undone.
Yes. I was like a box of dog bones.
But now they've wrapped me in like a nun.
Burst like firecrackers! Held like stones!

What a feat sailing queerly like Icarus
until the tempest undid me and I broke.
The ambulance drivers made such a fuss.
But when I cried, "Wait for my courage!" they smoked

and then they placed me, tied me up on their plate,
and wheeled me out to their coffin, my nest.
Slowly the siren slowly the hearse, sedate
as a dowager. At the E. W. they cut off my dress.

I cried, "Oh Jesus, help me! Oh Jesus Christ!"
and the nurse replied, "Wrong name. My name
is Barbara," and hung me in an odd device,
a buck's extension and a Balkan overhead frame.

The orthopedic man declared,
"You'll be down for a year." His scoop. His news.
He opened the skin. He scraped. He pared
and drilled through bone for his four-inch screws.

That takes brute strength like pushing a cow
up hill. I tell you, it takes skill
and bedside charm and all that know how.
The body is a **** hard thing to ****.

But please don't touch or jiggle my bed.
I'm Ethan Frome's wife. I'll move when I'm able.
The T. V. hangs from the wall like a moose head.
I hide a pint of bourbon in my bedside table.

A bird full of bones, now I'm held by a sand bag.
The fracture was twice. The fracture was double.
The days are horizontal. The days are a drag.
All of the skeleton in me is in trouble.

Across the hall is the bedpan station.
The ***** and stools pass hourly by my head
in silver bowls. They flush in unison
in the autoclave. My one dozen roses are dead.

The have ceased to *******. They hang
there like little dried up blood clots.
And the heart too, that *******, how it sang
once. How it thought it could call the shots!

Understand what happened the day I fell.
My heart had stammered and hungered at
a marriage feast until the angel of hell
turned me into the punisher, the acrobat.

My bones are loose as clothespins,
as abandoned as dolls in a toy shop
and my heart, old hunger motor, with its sins
revved up like an engine that would not stop.

And now I spend all day taking care
of my body, that baby. Its cargo is scarred.
I anoint the bedpan. I brush my hair,
waiting in the pain machine for my bones to get hard,

for the soft, soft bones that were laid apart
and were ******* together. They will knit.
And the other corpse, the fractured heart,
I feed it piecemeal, little chalice. I'm good to it.

Yet lie a fire alarm it waits to be known.
It is wired. In it many colors are stored.
While my body's in prison, heart cells alone
have multiplied. My bones are merely bored

with all this waiting around. But the heart,
this child of myself that resides in the flesh,
this ultimate signature of the me, the start
of my blindness and sleep, builds a death creche.

The figures are placed at the grave of my bones.
All figures knowing it is the other death
they came for. Each figure standing alone.
The heart burst with love and lost its breath.

This little town, this little country is real
and thus it is so of the post and the cup
and thus of the violent heart. The zeal
of my house doth eat me up.
 Dec 2014 bekka walker
PrttyBrd
In the dark of night I see her
In the shadows of night she lingers
Eyes piercing the smoke of yesterdays dreams
Stabbing the life out of my lungs
With the nightmare of truth
With the longing for honor
With the screaming memories
Not of what used to be
But of used-to-coulds
When she appears
All that is left is the grit at the bottom of the cup of life
The leftover flavor of dreams gone by
The reality that I am not what I could have been
That dreams torture reality with rainbows and lullabies
With pastel hues of perfection
In the dark of night I see her
In the shadows of night she lingers
The girl I almost was
122814
 Dec 2014 bekka walker
Mikaila
Kiss me in the corner with the lights raking across our skin.
Kiss me until I forget her.
I dare you. I challenge you.
I'm asking you
Make her irrelevant
Make her insubstantial.
Make me forget her name.
Make me forget mine.
I'm begging you,
Touch me until I am different.
Pound that music through my chest like a stake
And **** what loves her
Because I can't.
Make me new. Make me the darkness between strobe lights.
****** me and bring me back, cold and hard like a jewel.
Breathe me in like smoke, toxic and rough.
Crush me like a soda can in the alley way.
I can take anything but this.
Kiss me until it doesn't hurt.
I beg you.
I dare you.
Demolish me.
 Dec 2014 bekka walker
Cam E
for my 10th birthday
you bought me a gold necklace
and that was the end

yours was the hardest
maybe cause we had no end
we just kind of stopped

you were like a dream
you were so perfect to me
but she was to you

you never liked me
we dated for thirty days
i was just a game

you were my first kiss
and i thought that we'd be great
you picked her instead

thinking about you
and the things you did to me
makes my stomach churn

you are my best friend
you play for the other team
please just love me back
Desperate to feel like you really don't care,
Needing to feel life that's really not there,
It scares you, and wears you, and you cannot bare,
Feeling your feelings when nobody cares.

You pick up the bottle, you pop down some pills,
Desperately trying to keep life at standstill.
You know that your life is starting to corrupt,
And sometimes you're hoping you'll never get up.

When sadness and madness swirl 'round in your mind,
you care less 'bout the mess that you left behind
Not trying to be careless, you're trying to be kind,
But there you are, helpless, you're that Frankenstein.
With blindness to kindness that you're trying to find,
your loved ones can't stay 'cause you show all the signs.
Signs of a kind of a reckless design,
And when you wake up, no one is left behind.

You're on your own, all alone, no one to blame,
Trying to own up to all of that shame.
You've got no one to go to who feels all your pain,
Cause everyone's done who still knows your **** name.

You try to find new people you can call friends,
But why do they fly away when you need them?
You cry and decide that this might be the end,
You lie and deny that it's not just pretend.
Cause if you don't die and you keep trying to mend,
then maybe for yourself you won't have to fend,
Maybe there's someone that can comprehend,
someone out there with a hand they can lend.

Then one day a kind soul appears from the dusk,
You want to be mindful and give them your trust.
But all of the times that you've tried to adjust
your mindset, you find that you're 'lone in the dust.
You tell yourself well this is hell I disgust,
But then you just yell and repel 'cause you must.

They might actually light up your darkest of nights,
They might be the brightness to make you alright,
but fright makes you sight all the things that ain't right.
You shun them and run away from them despite,
the thing that you're running from is deep inside.
And you need to do something 'cause you can't hide.
It's who you're used to, but you've got to decide
that who you want to be needs something untried.

If you don't try to trust you'll be alone,
with life passing by while you're sitting at home.
You want to try but you can't summon the fight.
Alone again, forever, saddest of sights.
Who knew losing your mind was so...
fun!

Oh the joy!
Oh the joy joy joy!

No one can laugh like those who have nothing to laugh at
it is the purest way,
to laugh at the air with yourself is beautiful

The weather is beautiful,
a crisp 57 degrees feels beautiful,
as beautiful as a woman I met on the road one night.

Birds barely believe and cats curiously crawl.

Eccentricity is authentic just as the sun sets and the moon rises.  

My train of thought has ran off the tracks, the bridge was blown up by bandits, now all the passengers are free! If death counts as freedom.
I honestly have no idea anymore.
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