when my lips are sewn shut by fate
and i can no longer weave my words
in the way i always do,
i’ll tear them till they’re red and raw
unpick every stitch
and twisted knot,
like the ones inside my stomach when my mind is no longer free
and through the blood
that’s seeping into my mouth,
tasting like the pennies i spent
on the pay phone to you,
and dry as the air
from those summer evenings i spent
head out the car window
and thinking of you,
i’ll speak to you
in withered words
and a trembling voice,
begging to be saved
from my endless melancholy
and worshiping your eyes in the sunlight

i sat beside you
speaking of cruelty
and the way your hands move
softly
loudly
burning like fire.

i don’t think i ever truly left the girl i was.
there are still small pieces of her everywhere i look
her scissors under my pillow
and her posters on my walls of the sad music she used to listen to
i think she left her antiseptic cream somewhere
maybe under my bed
or in my closet like another one of the skeletons
and sometimes i’ll replay her playlists
not to become her again but to remember what i lost in her
some precious part of myself
i’m desperately trying to grow back-
rebuilding it
from her eyeliner
and her blood-stained tissues
the marks she left on my body
and the marks she left on my heart
everything she took
and everything she gave

i’ll follow to your room
or into your arms
and i’ll sit and wait when you’re upset
and need quiet,
until you’re ready again-
but my mind won’t be with you.
my body will stay and it will lead my actions,
what i say to you,
but i’m constantly crafting,
conjuring spells with my words
and slowly,
softly,
making sure this fleeting moment
does not pass.
i won’t forget a word
that escapes your lips(
which i so often write about)
as i quickly etch them into the corner of my mind
and let them take over my thoughts-
you’re everything
everywhere
ready to be my art
my oxygen
my water
my light

i remember every single thing you tell me and do

and not because i have good memory but just because it’s you

and whenever i touch you i wonder if you can feel my love through my fingertips

and when you speak the world feels like it’s been paused, like it needs to stop so that it can listen to you fully

i worship the ground you walk on and i thank the air for letting me breathe the same as yours

our love is sacred and sometimes it feels like you’re the temple, and the statue, and the god, but also someone praying with me, someone who feels like home

i want to love you even in silence

give me that and i’ll give you all i have