Known and unknown
Charted and uncharted
Land and sea
One built to the ocean line
The other untouched and free
One made with patterns
Design and corners
The other is shapeless
Natural and irregular
The free form border that washes to and fro
And goes deep as death
Yet holds more life than me
Untouched and unscathed
It can never be owned by man
And he who tries to make his mark
Will have it washed away with the sand

People don't understand what it means,
how it feels.
When you're laying in the rain,
they just don't understand.
Letting your face soak in the muddy grass,
they don't know how it feels.
Wanting to sink in,
be swallowed whole,
suffocate.
Your body is waiting but your mind is already there.
And when you finally sink,
you're back on the surface,
like Sisyphus,
pushing a big ****** boulder of regret and pain.

You're soakin' in the sun,
I'm sinking in the mud,
you've got Coppertone,
I've got blood.

That warm copper taste,
on the tip of your tongue,
man, it's electrifying.
Holding your breath,
hoping your head pops off.
Yeah, you're losing it,
we're losing it.
Or were we already lost?
I thought you knew me,
I thought I knew you.
You thought we were all the same,
but the sun doesn't touch us all.

You're soakin' in the sun,
I'm sinking in the mud,
you've got Coppertone,
I've got blood.

You're soakin' up the sun,
I'm sinking in the mud,
I'm sinking in the drunk,
I'm sinking in my blood.

I want to write about life,
about sunflowers and oceans of grass.
Mountains towering over the skyscrapers,
nature towering over man.
The elixir of love and the joy of the sun.
I want to write about opening doors,
light at the end of the tunnel,
life outside,
outside this,
but I can't help but want to write about the pain,
the discord in the notes of my life,
the beer bottles across the room,
lined up in a row,
a long row.
It's 3am and I'm eating a bag of cheese puffs,
and I hate myself.
I look down at myself,
the lumpy shell that is my body.
Looks like jello stuffed in a plastic bag that's about to burst.
I know it can get better,
I know it can.
Unfolded clothes blanketing the floors,
pockets of trash and missed opportunities,
where am I?
How did I get here?
What went wrong?

In Farmington the misfit suffers the jukebox and dances to an unknown song. He dances on the pool table. He wears black—black skull cap, black
duster, black shirt, black slacks, black boots. He's in Farmington and
the women here drink Bud Light. He dances slow. It's similar to a dance
you've seen before. You have that friend that climbs on couches after a few and half staggers, half sways. The women here watch him with unhappy eyes and hands stained blue from the textile mill. He seems to mouth the words although he clearly doesn't know the song. They, the women, dig their elbows into the bar. Pocked and graffiti'd, the bar soaks up spilled beer and ash and nail polish. Behind the bar a sign reads: Free Beer Tomorrow. And for some reason, you must admit, this sign's effect never dulls. The Misfit pantomimes a dance with a pool cue. His face is severe, serious. He's in Farmington dancing with a pool cue on a pool table to a song he doesn't know like a drunk friend of yours and the women are watching. Next, he does something amazing. He removes his cap. He's got shocks of bleached hair and burn scars run like rivulets between the patches. He tosses the cap toward the bar. One lucky woman catches it and summons herself to the pool table. You want them to have a bit of dialogue here, to say something oblique and innocent. Instead the lucky woman dances at the man's feet. He surrenders a smile and he's got small tracts of bleached hair and burn scars and he's in all black and he's dancing. The lucky woman, she's in a canary yellow patch dress. Her dance, although clumsy, still mesmerizes you. It's without ego, without shame. She is a child. She is the light in the room. She is, in this moment, the world entire. He pulls her onto the table. It's time to appoint the Misfit and the lucky woman names, you think. His name shall be Joshua. Her name shall be Anna. Palms together, her head resting on his chest, they sway. The smoke and the tracers of light meld and Joshua and Anna's outlines become muddied. Their bodies merge and they are both yellow and black and covered in burn scars and bleached hair and the women are still watching. As the song starts to fade, someone—maybe it's you—drops a few coins in the jukebox and it begins again.

I found a way to make it painless, to make god good, to make myself good, to make myself god—me—Joshua Jerome Hutton, sound familiar?  

God I hope so.

I found a way to make it painless in the checkout line, while the bleary-eyed maidens of South Moore, one in front, one behind, talk 3 a.m. rallies and resurrections right through me.

I found a way to make it painless at the eternal stoplight, watching the eternal Vietnam veteran in eternal rags holding eternal cardboard, summoning crumpled bills from anyone other than me.

I found a way to make it painless during the photo shoot, a way to place my chin so thoughtfully in my hand, a way to look into the middle-distance, a way to imply self-deprecation, a way to find near perfection—only under ample light, of course.

I found a way to make it painless in the soup queue, amongst my fellow unshaven, shamed naked, shamed to the bone, shamed pure, shamed to one flybuzz drive: I must consume.

I found a way to make it painless, to make it to the center of the white space, to suspend, inking out the worst parts of me, an all caps ATTRACTION, impossible to pinpoint, all for the review of books and the cabal of the slowed-down and insane still reading the review of books.

I found a way to make it painless by never breaking eye contact nor speaking a word as you talk yourself deeper into what you hate about yourself, and I stir my drink with a black cocktail straw, and I clear my throat, and I hahaha to myself, and I say these little issues just seem like problems. Just wait. You just wait.

I found a way to make it painless, to eek out of my own borderlines, to meld with the air and chemtrail across the sky, to observe from a holy distance the tightrope walker, the controlled demolition, the desperate young men lagging five feet behind the elusive loves of their lives, firing every clever phrase, hoping for one to land, to glean one little pause, a moment to catch up, and here, I must admit, it gives me great relief to be this removed, this far gone, this far god.

You can rate me,
You can bait me,
You can freight me,
You can strait me,
Simulate me,
Even better
Drop a roofie,
Game a debtor.
You're so groovy, misbehaving,
Misbehaving,
Give it to me,
Trouble waiting,
Fascinating,
Always mating,
You can wake me,
You can slave me,
You can grade me,
You can shave me,
Integrate me,
I pulsating
A new navy,
All the skimmings,
Underpinning
Jehovah's witness,
Keep on stalking,
Better fitness,
Keep on shocking,
Shell is thinning,
Gettin' gotten,
Rot 'n' reeling.

Don't touch my bikini.
Better smile when you see me,
You can stare
That's a freebie.
Don't touch my bikini.
Looking is free,
But touching's gonna cost you
Something.

Smooth and lanky,
Hanky panky,
Got no treat or
New York Yankee,
Super leader,
Count to seven,
Go to Paris,
Break the leaven,
Roger Maris,
Bleed the Czar,
Shooting star,
You're so levy,
You're so sunny,
Getting ready,
Here's the money,
Socking heady,
Making honey,
Toasting herons,
That's not funny,
Waiter Betty,
Way too ****,
You're so on it,
You're so honest,
You can fool me,
You remold me,
All the preachers never told me,
Heavy breathing
Punting reason,
Welcome season.

Don't touch my graffiti.
Smile if you dare,
Oily oinkers everywhere.
Keep watching, you graffiti.
Next time you'll learn
That touching's gonna cost you
Something.

Yes,
you don't know me.
You just think that you do.
I am the mysterious one,
elusive and highly talented,
unassuming and modest,
a bit of a recluse,
an object of mingled awe
and revulsion,
simultaneously revered
and abhorred,
a misunderstood soul,
yet lovable.
I am the noble one,
with a beautiful Soul,
The one created in Gods image.
You just don't know me.
You think you do.
Your opinion of me
may be right
or my be wrong,
depending on the platform
you stand to view.
I am a healer,
a seer,
I am unique,
I am Special,
I am an enigma,
the Called,
the Justified,
Predestinated,
the odd fellow.
I am the Chosen One.
The one the Holy Spirit
is Pleased to dwell in.
I am a Prophet.
The joint-heir with Christ.
I am many things to different people.
And because I chose to be peaceful
doesn't mean I don't know how to fight.
I may have a gentle touch,
but I am not at all weak.
I am principled.
I respect you,
and I ask that you do too.
All I ever want is for you
to remember me as loving you.
©® Emeka Mokeme.2017,All rights reserved.