Dear friend
As tacked on plastic stars lazily glow on my ceiling
and I listen to your mixtape
I'm reminded once again of how irreplaceably broken I am,
but his time, I am truly alone
and no amount of fermented fruit or ***** fumes is going to let me forget.

Dear friend
Out of everyone on this corrupt earth
I never thought it'd be you
We held our tongues in the back of class
Now I hold my tongue when I see your face
They've done this to me before, so that does not surprise me
But this time it's so much worse, because I've clearly lost you

Dear friend
I don't know why you changed, or what I did wrong
and when I asked you didn't seem to know either
But I've heard that you don't really care any more
but your drawing smiles at me from my witnessing walls
I don't know whether I should take it away or leave it.

Dear friend
My eyes ran until it hurt to shed more tears
and my cheeks became salty streams
drops, like splatters of blood, littered my dark dress
It seemed that I cried
Until the whole of me was drenched
The sorrow soaking through my soul
Absorbed by my skin
Dripping from every single hair.

Dear friend
The fact that you have left me hurts more than any of my wounds
Even when the boys put me back on the shelf, broken, I'd half expected it
But you? Never. I'm glad I didn't see this coming though, because then I probably would've given in a long time ago.

Dear friend
Each time I see your photos, my skin forms new bruises, purple and swirled like your painting of the galaxy.
And when you avert your gaze, I feel pinches in my skin
The idea of no longer holding your respect physically pains me, sickens me.
I didn't get out of bed. I was going to end it all, but I promised myself that whatever was happening wasn't
But it is

Dear friend
I sound like I've come out of a bad break up- a ****** ex or clingy soul
But the truth is, I valued your friendship more than anything, and it is the loss of it that continues to be the broken glass beneath my bare, swollen feet.
If you read this and laugh, or show it to the others
If you say I'm overreacting, or attention seeking
If you don't believe a word I've written
Then let me give up on this friendship without further torment.

Ambled ambitions,
an aching audacity;
aged adventurer.

Bullets, bombshells, boots,
blasted buildings, broken bones.
A blitzkrieg bombing.

Chipped cups containing
cold coffee. "Carefully child,
carry cautiously."

December 18, 2013

Words stab like knives. Each syllable uttered slices deeper into the nothingness that is this emotion.
Actions break bones. Pressure mounts and mounts until the sharp, quick snap ends in a flash of pain.
Caring suddenly becomes your worst trait. It muddies the waters of a once clear pool. Give. Try. Fail.
Repeat. Something so important becomes something you put so much effort into that you beat it half to death. The mystery is gone. The excitement is gone. The surprise is gone. The anger never leaves. The fighting never ceases. The hostility, rage, disappointment, misunderstanding, and fury never die.

It is still salvageable, so long as everyone agrees. As long as one person is not at their breaking point, you can always go back. Go back to the mystery, the excitement, the surprise. Effort is crucial. Patience is key. Understanding is vital.

Love lives.