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379 · Feb 2023
Vorfreude / Eunoia
jb Feb 2023
my destiny with you must’ve been pre-written,
everything falls into place at a pace so lovingly,
the natural joy of creation has led to us, and us to it. 
creating these moments of bliss i often reminisce about,
no matter the memory, big or small—
it shall be remembered for the rest of my all. 
twitching with excitement for the path before us, unknown to any, 
even us,
the one thing apparent is our smiles and joy. 
euphorically gorgeous, you’re my favorite haze to get lost within. 
slowly enveloping my mind, body, and existence so benevolently,
as i with you, we practically fuse— like clouds and white smoke crossing each other’s paths. 
for half a moment we’re indistinguishable, together as one we run in complete unison;
synergy so polished and perfected i mistake us as you, or we as me. 
woe is me when that moment fully passes—
back to togethering apart, longing for your mist to kiss mine once again. 
/
the sensation of familiarity i feel for you hasn’t diminished since we first met, and it has me wondering.
what if we’ve met before —
in our previous life,
as previous people,
but with this same adoration?
what if everything lined up so perfectly in our previous, just like it did in this current?
i’ve always wondered what the reason for that may be;
maybe in our first incarnations,
we fell in love so flawlessly, and shared a lifetime of joy and laughter and love and peace,
we were able to do everything we set our minds toward,
our wealth was astonishing,
we traveled the world,
we completed bucket lists and had minuscule worries. 
and as we got old and gray, all we could do is look back fondly—
“but what’s ahead?” we wondered. 
what new experiences will we miss because of the limitations of our bodies?
and so it happened, our first promise,
with the intertwining of our pinkies followed by a kiss on the thumb, we push them together and close our eyes.
“we’ll always be together, even in our next lives.”
afterwards we continue the rest of our days in tranquility, 
thinking of the contract we forged as nothing more than a sweet sentiment. 
a promise that we wouldn’t know if upheld by the other or not, 
because what is life after death if not the afterlife? 
nobody knows, therefore our promise was heartfelt, but bitterly hollow, 
or so we thought. 
we didn’t consider the overseer of the contract,
the one who watches life after death bloom anew in new times,
the universe. 
the universe remembers all,
so what if it remembers the very first of our all,
and continually rebirths us and realigns our paths after an incalculable amount of times prior and after—
and watches us fall in love over and over and over again?
a primordial love that stretches out as far as the universe does, 
all happening simultaneously before or after us. 
…just a thought tho
371 · May 2018
OFF / ON / OFF
jb May 2018
planting the seeds,
i am,
adam, you're eve,
i am,
full of your needs,
but you,
resist my pleas,
i am,
sad and depressed,
i am,
thinking what's next,
after,
this cruddy life,
grabbing,
the bloodied knife,
stabbing,
with all my might,
before,
it hits my chest,
i tend,
to hesitate,
dropping,
the sharpened blade,
killing,
the urge to ****,
spilling,
down to my knees,
thinking,
of this disease,
that seems,
to make me wheeze,
in me, i am not free,
i see no ending light,
my brain, it wants to freeze,
and shatter into the night,
i am-
/
-oh so happy,
like a bird, i am flapping,
happily double tapping the pictures that you are mapping,
gleeful, you are the reason i smile, hoping you know this,
notice your bogus aura,
shimmers a shiny yellow like jello,
see through your soul full of gold,
you tend to bellow and giggle,
you're full of laughs-
/
my thoughts are so decaf, unless it's about you.
the hue within my eyes reduce and turn blue,
i brew,
within the ***, the kettle has turned red.
stripping me of my feelings, emotions have gone dead.
forever going to bed,
never to ever wake.
trapped within the fantasy,
eyelids like a canopy,
"can i be the one you choose,”
what else do i've got to lose?
well,
you.
like a light switch
320 · Aug 2018
BLOO
jb Aug 2018
it seems to be,
you and me,
trapped within the universe,
spit a verse,
feeling worse,
happiness is in reverse,
black and blue,
the saddest hues,
i am nothing without you,
hopefully these words will stick—
to your mind alike to glue.
hi lol
278 · May 2018
wanderLUST
jb May 2018
wander to another land,
feel the breeze skip on your skin,
dance along volcanic brims,
lust.
reaching out your aching hands,
stretching out, your body stands,
like a leaf, you twirl and spin,
lust.
sunny skies and solar rays,
never night, it's always day,
all the darkness runs away,
lust.
happy as you seem to glow,
gleam so white alike to snow,
and your eyes, don't get me started,
lust.
marron and apparently,
apparent eyes, the soul i see,
pure and full of energy,
lust.
you are light personified,
stuck, i'm on the darkened side,
so i watch you from afar,
lust.
standing still, i start to rust,
here so long, i'm forming dust,
but for you, all i can do is,
lust.
adoring someone you can’t have.
265 · May 2018
glory to the sutra ii
jb May 2018
glory to the winds, golden smile full of sin,
running miles in the wild, like a child made of tin
left, i’m broken hearted,
the ship has just departed,
but this time it’s not windy,
the heavens must be busy,
rowing to the end of this world that i invented,
pretended you were into me, alas i see the ending,
you found somebody else, i hope you know i think that’s splendid,
i wrote an album for you but you’ve never even read it,
although i never showed you, that’s the one thing i’m regretting,
i’m betting you’re so happy, ‘cause before this you were melting,
this is what you needed, please enjoy your antidote,
got a poem of this day i wrote about a year ago,
as i said before, i’ll say it now,
“apart we’ll have to grow.”
i’ve been trapped within a fantasy i created for a girl for a bit over a year.
her finding another has returned me to reality, so i give my thanks and support.
jb May 2018
don’t you know that i’m a villain?
oozing evil light?
i’m no good for you girl,
in love with pickin’ fights,
it’s clear that you love me,
trust me girl, i know,
my demon eyes can see,
the things you fail to show,
so don’t fall for me,
a villain used to killin’
forged underground in the nightosphere chillin’
spillin’ out the blood of some itty-bitty children,
listen to the screams as the demons do my bidding.
/
did you think i was lying?
i told you, little girl,
i’m addicted to the villainy,
killing me won’t do a thing unless i do it willingly,
told you not to fall for me my girl you must be kidding me,
now your soul belongs to me, add it to the list of grief,
buckle up and grit your teeth,
ready to admit defeat?
“marshall lee, i can’t believe that i agree that i concede,
can’t believe that you’ve achieved a deed so full of demon’s greed,”
girly girl it wasn’t me,
can’t you see that it was you,
fall for me, you’re falling from the highest peak into your doom.
/
marshall lee the king of thieves,
bathe in blood of enemies,
drink it up like hennessy,
what is it you see in me?
i’m the evil entity,
scaring every deity,
searing hot, they fearing me,
but it’s you who’s cheering me,
seriously like what are you?
you’re the one who’s made it through,
to my heart so full of frost,
now i’m feeling nice and soft,
malice is forever gone,
longing for a soul to spawn,
finally it seems you’re here,
finally it seems i hear,
terror fleeing from my ears,
now the sound that i empower,
is the sound of garden flowers.
adventure time inspired
200 · Jul 2018
in the fog
jb Jul 2018
stagnancy.
or, maybe falling very gradually,
falling so slow that the ground is unobtainable.
i can’t even see past the fog in my vision,
cloudy and hard to see through like the thoughts in my mind,
almost as if they are one and the same,
the fog and my brain.
i am a mystery,
you don’t know what you’re walking into,
and if you manage to push through i guarantee that you will get lost.
my inability to trust your mere words will result in you looping back to the start of your journey.
and for that i am sorry,
but if you can’t clear the grim thoughts that occupy my mind, i encourage you to give up.
find somebody who has less fog so that you can easily make your way to their heart.
and i will remain in the same position you found me in,
descending so slow that i forget i’m even falling,
and trust me i’ll be okay.
as i continue to fall, i close my eyes,
and it’s almost like i’m floating.
and for that moment my mind is clear,
i open my eyes and the fog is gone.
i see nothing.
no floor,
no walls,
nothing.
then i realize i was never falling,
i’ve been flying,
flying so high that the ground is not visible,
i’ve been flying so long that my thoughts became cloudy.
but now i am full of clarity and have come to the realization that i’ve been looking for something for so long that i got lost.
so now i will focus on myself and continue to soar,
and if the fog ever captures me again,
i will close my eyes.
my friend wrote this poem comparing falling in love to the falling of rain, and it inspired me to compare the stagnancy-like movement of fog to me lol. thx tali for being inspirational
187 · Apr 2021
The Loft (3/18/2018)
jb Apr 2021
probably off in a loft,
writing my thoughts,
rhyming and timing the syllables,
conjuring words like birds they fly,
cynical flow but gloomy at times,
lyrical bows the sparrows will cry,
pierced by the arrows that flew through the sky,
higher and higher repeating my tries to fly out of orbit and break off my ties,
drifting and swerving i’m curving and turning while yearning for strokes of the pen,
my solace within is crashing and burning,
falling to earth,
i’m back by the morning for mourning the death of a dream that just ended,
i am suspended,
i am suspended.
a favorite from an old journal i recently found.
181 · May 2018
shadow woman
jb May 2018
I remember in the fantasy, whenever I breathed.
I looked upon you, and you did not need to.
I can't believe that I believed I achieved such a bliss.
A diseased memory, that I can't seem to reminisce.
For you are not her, how could I be so blind?
You are just her shadow that's casted along behind.
I find you in my mind, confined to the perfect moments.
Unbind to your design, reminding me you're an omen.
I see you now,
Shadow Woman.
a little funny story lol,
i wrote this a year ago in high school, it was part of my creative writing project. i had to create a 25-page poem portfolio so i decided to tell a story throughout the poems, all of them were connected. the whole collection was about a girl who the narrator (me) had a crush on. he never talked to her, instead he created a version of her within his mind and created fantasies where they were in love. this poem is one of my favorites because it’s his realization that he’s been fooling himself with this fictional girl based on real emotions. i just wrote “sky woman” (based on my girlfriend) without even thinking about “shadow woman” and it’s just funny how she became real.
:)
175 · Apr 2019
NOIR
jb Apr 2019
When the world ends, I’ll always remember the way that you lit up the place.
Casting a light so bright that not even my eyes could escape your grasp.
Although, not after long they learned your pattern and darkness gradually snuck its way back.
“Try again tomorrow.” the darkness would say as the hour of royalty passes.
Then suddenly there was nothing but silence.
As if the world paused, awaiting your return.
A great deal of time has passed and yes, I still wait.
Although I wait not for the sun,
but for the end.
169 · Jul 2018
diamond ‘99 / dusky white
jb Jul 2018
i used to be a diamond,
aligning with the light,
polished by the heat and flying high just like a kite,
a diamond full of style algorithms were in order,
boppin’ to the rhythm dancing closely to the border,
everyday i smiled,
running miles in a dream-like false reality i guarantee that i am happier in my mentality,
where everything is diamond-like,
everything’s electric and eccentric as i’m taking flight,
everyday’s adventurous when dawn arrises after night,
everyday is better when i stay within my sunken mind,
/
everyday is monotone when i’m alone within the night,
dusk appears and grabs me by the ear into the reaping night,
now i’m here and i can hear my fears all mixed up in the night,
now my tears are failing to adhere against my melanin,
now they fall into the dark and ripple like it’s gelatin
elegantly moving, throwing chills against my skeleton,
then again i feel as if reality is menacing,
so i stay within my mind and all my stress is lessening,
artificial fantasies seem to be my remedy and glorifying memories seem to bring serenity,
so now i will return.
back to writing about fantasies i guess, although i don’t have a problem with that.
162 · Jun 2018
the muse i use
jb Jun 2018
i’m gathering the energy,
maple scented remedies with tendencies that tend to be suspended  through my memories of melodies that spark amenities within me mentally,
sending me along the path away from all the enemies,
solitude depresses me,
even though i choose it,
pursuing you and all the things you do’s alike to music,
inaudible to you but to my soul it makes me lose it-while i groove it i forget about the sadness.
a quick little poem since haven’t posted in a bit.
156 · Feb 1
Source of my Joy
jb Feb 1
in this very moment — wanting for nothing more,
you’ve no idea, nor clue.
this desire you inspire,
this everlasting feeling of comfort passing through my soul, covering every layer of my being.
such gentle envelopment,
infinite bliss within your embrace, and in every moment — i feel your existence.
from the taste of the wind, to the smell of the sun, your presence remains the most potent.
oozing out from beneath and bubbling to the surface,
filling into the limitless sky —
like the earth was formed for you to spread your light,
like i was born to harbor such vibrancy.
enriched by your entirety,
new to this age, but all familiar to me —
beyond these avatars, for you have always been;
the nutriment of my love —
the source of my joy.
for her, obviously :)
149 · May 2018
sky woman
jb May 2018
baby how’s the weather,
a feather-weighted day dream,
delicate as it may seem, this is my reality,
watching as you fall to me,
fall for you, you’re all i see,
causing you to look so free,
gosh, we’re running happily,
baby how’s the weather, i-
never would of guessed that, i’d-
be so loved within your eyes,
almost like you’re made of light,
with you i engage in flight,
visit you up in the skies,
in love with the way you rise,
tag along, we’re hand in hand,
finally i understand,
that the weather here is grand.
a poem from a collection i’m writing called “MARRON VOL. 1”
jb May 2018
i was dancing in a field full of daisies and lilies,
the posies were silly while the roses stood pretty,
then the sun went down as the flowers went to fall,
then suddenly a single little beauty stood tall,
little lunar lullaby that stretched upon the darkened sky whisked away the flowers full of power to the other side,
leaving little luna in the garden by her lonely,
i walked up to her petals and she told me listen closely,
“every time i rise, they all leave” is what she told me,
“how come i’m alone left to freeze” is what she told me,
standing high and glowing bright,
i motioned up toward the sky,
up toward the perfect moon,
“isn’t it alike to you?”
then i watched her bloom anew,
breaking free of her cocoon,
full of doom and solitude,
now the sun returns again,
shining out across the land,
thus the healing has began,
all the flowers jump and stand,
withering away and slowly,
little luna halts her glowing,
falls on down and hits the earth,
whispering “i’ll see you soon”
whispering “my little moon”
forgot i wrote this last month ****
101 · Feb 2020
Fu-sion, Ha!
jb Feb 2020
our foreheads touch,
it’s almost as if they’ve melted together.
as i stare into your dirt colored eyes you stare back into mine,
it’s amazing how bright they glisten when the stars bounce off of them.
if i stare too long i know i’ll get lost,
but i can’t let myself look away.
i mean what if i miss something?
you don’t seem to notice it but you change everyday,
every hour,
every minute,
and being able to watch you evolve
fills me with so much joy.
i know i may sound selfish but sometimes i wish i had you all to myself,
i wish that the lines holding us back would intertwine,
they would become tangled and tethered together as we are reborn as a brand new experience.
i’m a little rusty its been awhile haha
94 · Oct 2021
Untitled
jb Oct 2021
it’s very tranquil up here, no cool or hot wind blowing,
just a limitless projection of what has been, and what will come.
the past.
the future.
the present only exists because we do,
we are the personification of the current.
as i stand atop here alone,
i realize,
there is no point of being here with nobody to hold,
to talk to,
to look at,
to exist with,
i regret reaching this point but their is nothing i can do until this spot is taken from me.
it could take seconds, or eons, and i have no choice but to embrace the patience.
to embrace my mistake.

— The End —