I slept last night
With no thoughts on my mind
Because its the easiest method to sleep
But as i dreamt of castles,
Of suburbs, of theaters
Of other relationships
(Of other people)
It brought this revelation
That WHAT if.

What if:
We were next to each other
When we woke up
My face would turn red like a tomato
And i would just start laughing
Because of the realization that
I'm with the person I love

What if:
We would talk for hours on an end
And fill up the memories on iPhones
And our minds with talks of gossip
Talks of science, talks of hangouts
Your friends would envy it so much
They would become angry at us

What if:
We were together in the school
Holding hands and the people knowing
That we are together
It would be so **** amazing
For me, knowing I did it
I ventured into unknown and came back
Victorious

What if:
We walked home everyday
Sat together on the bus
Those little things which people say
Have no significance will never fathom
The signficance the little things have
Because little things make something big

I truly cannot fathom the beauty
The joy, the love
That I would feel from someone
Who isn't a family member
But someone else, who genuinely loves me
For what I am
I will be so proud to say
"I did it! I braved through!"

If only this were true.

Someone asked me what my greatest fear is. I failed to answer it honestly. It's a loaded question. Well, in English class today we were talking about last words & how they're always along the lines of "I wish I had travelled more, loved more, spent more time doing the things I enjoy" & they were never "I wish I worked more, been more successful." We were talking about how people who live in a somewhat wild manner (drifters, artists, people who dance on the outskirts of society) tend to feel much more fulfilled than those who succeeded in, for instance, a career path they'd always wanted. I spent the rest of the day looking up peoples' last words. And I think that's it- my fear, I mean. The scarcity of it all. The fleeting moments of happiness that don't have to be fleeting. I have hands. I'm afraid I won't use them enough. I'm afraid I will use my mouth for all the wrong reasons. I'm afraid I will do everything for no reason at all. I don't want to have any last words. Maybe I want to look up at the sun one last time, see it rise and fall. I don't want to have to tell you "I love you" or anything like that. I need you to know that I do. I need to know that I did it right.