Autumn Shayse

Autumn Shayse Oct 2014

I should have just let you
**** me,
like you're going to do to her,
I should have just let you,
use me

I should have just let you,
cure your boredom,
I should have just let you,
satisfy your own selfish agenda,

Y'see,
I should have just given you what you wanted,
because it hurts to not be near you anymore,
and it certainly hurts much more,
that someone else is giving that to you.

Autumn Shayse Oct 2014

Fragments

I am not one whole person,
of that I'm certain;
there's a confidence within me,
an arrogance almost -
matched against a crippling shyness,
uncertainty of every judgement, I may make;

there's creativity,
it runs through my bones,
sending sparks and shivers accordingly

there's a loving mind
for those closest to me,
and for those things most intriguing
this is matched with my cynic's heart;
a fatal flaw,
I am cold within
for it is easier, there is no pain - that is
numbness

I am not a whole person,
I am incomplete,
I am not simplistic,
I am fragmented

Autumn Shayse Oct 2014

i, last night.

i did something stupid last night,
i ****** myself in
to an intangible web,
spinning itself only in
to destruction

i know i did something stupid last night,
i listened and i spoke honestly
(***** does that to you)
i told you, your face is pretty
and i made sure you believed it.

i know i was stupid last night,
i must have been pretty ****
dumb
'cause you entrusted me with something
something of broken innocence,
and i cannot
let it go.

embarrassment for both the event and my summary is pretty high

#honesty #innocence #stupidity #embarrassment

Autumn Shayse Sep 2014

Untitled

Is it lame
that I wanted last night to be different,
that I didn't want the poison to trickle down
my throat for no reason

Is it stupid
that I made an effort last night,
that I was undeniably happy and yet
no one seemed to care

Am I lame
because I wanted someone to
replace the taste of toxic
leaving their scent on me
so I wasn't alone

Autumn Shayse Sep 2014

A closed off heart thank you very much

I guess if I knew what I'd wanted then,
I wouldn't be in the mess that I'm in now;
tangled in barbed wire hearts and broken
shells of promises never kept.

I guess if I had just decided back then,
to stick to the plan
to keep my heart closed off then,
I think I may have been alright and I
wouldn't feel this intense chill
through to the ends of my bones

I guess if I could have just stayed away,
remained strong as I had for all those years before
then
you wouldn't have left me curled up waiting for death
with arms wide open,
as though death is the final relief
and not plagued with regret

constantly torn between an open heart and a cynics mind

Autumn Shayse Sep 2014

Light, illuminates

Carved insanity,
Etched deep in the mind,
Darkness reigns.

Shattered tragedy,
Fragmented a thousand different ways,
Pain glistens.

But also,

Clarified simplicity,
Weaved intricately,
Beauty clings.

Confounding happiness,
Overshadowing all else,
Light illuminates.

#power #survival #light #l

Autumn Shayse Aug 2014

Please don't

Please don't tell me
that you've always been in love
with me and that you will always
have these feelings for me
I don't buy that
Please don't call me
at 4am with heart
felt messages in a
drunken state
I won't buy that

Please don't chase me
when I run away from
you, when I desert you
halfway through dinner and
scream hellbent 'I love
you's' at me across the street
I shan't buy that

Please do
understand,
that I am faithful to
no-one, that I
am capable of
nothing, save destruction
and that I do not buy
into the ideals of love,
into anything more than
***** fuelled hook-ups
and faible, fiery passion.

I want to be able to write properly again so so so badly
I feel as though if I persevere with this **** then one day I might just get it back

#love #passion #cynicism #idyllic