This morning
I wandered
Through
Postures
Familiar
And true,
Seeing
Doing,
And knowing,
And being,
And the edges
Between them,
Until
I
Fell away
And there was only
The practice.

Your name is the loveliest word
I've ever said. In my life
I've never known someone like you.
Your aura is a quilt
that I could spend all day in
if you'd let me.
I think the chances of me meeting
another you are absurd
and I find the whole idea
to be terrifying.
I could make so much room
for you in my heart.

I relapsed
and went deeper then I should've
the blood spilling all over the concrete floor
the blade finding its way to the vein

I failed
and said more then I should've
the words spewing all down his bare chest
the secrets escaping my ever so careful tongue

I lied
and went farther then I should've
the clothes falling to the overseeing floor
the hands grasping for something he could never give

I cried
and screamed louder then I should've
the sobs echoing the empty hallways of a broken home
the tears falling from a heart heavy with shame and pain

I left
and closed the door harder then I should've
the handle thrown out of an angry hand
the frame shaking with the rage of a girl who

went father then she should've

Addiction
Has many faces:
Drugs
Alcohol
***
Food

All of these things
Are so hard to lose
But the one that I
Can't seem to set aside,
It is written on my skin
No place for it to hide
Any time I use it, I abuse it
Anything I can get my Hands on
Is good enough for me
A knife
A needle
A safety pin
A box cutter
Something
Anything
To break open my skin
So when it heals, upon my arms
Is an inescapable sin
Will I ever be whole again?
The pain I feel is so addicting,
I won't pretend

It's not that I am sad
I just want to bleed
I am not depressed
For, I don't feel anything
I just want to hurt
Or learn what connective tissue
Looks like when it's stained red
I don't want anybody
To try to fix me
I'm already dead