he looks so good in the sunlight.

and maybe it's his clear skin, the clear skin he boasts that he got from his mother, or maybe it's his hair, how it just looks nice on the top of his head, or maybe it's his eyes, looking softly at me for once.

or maybe--

maybe it's just him.

(and it's me, it's always me, falling in deeper and deeper into this ****** ocean called emotions until no one can pull me out.)

i'm the green-eyed girl
always looking for someone who'll never be mine
and i'll just watch you look into her eyes
and i'll just keep my little green lies

you're looking a bit green too
but never will you look for me
and it will just be a cycle of green
a cycle of some yellow and some green

and maybe i shouldnt have fell in the first place
but you make it hard for me
but maybe you're just too easy to fall for
but maybe i'm the one who falls too easy

and in the end i'm still green-eyed
looking for something that was never mine
and wanting something i'll never have
and i'll just be green-eyed for you

hey, mr. heartbreaker
just so you know
*******

you, the sun whose light
i used to embrace and find so warm
why must you burn me so
but set me on fire if you must

(i, too, was the moth drawn to the flame)

i'm not your plan c
if you think i'll still stay
watching you chase another girl
you're crazy

sometimes i hate seeing you
seeing you smile, seeing you laugh
seeing you constantly
missing you constantly

girls, girls-- you never run out of them
crushes, crushes-- there's never 'a few'
emotions, emotions-- who am i to blame
when i cant help but avoid you

loving you gently and needing you harshly
being on my mind and being out of sight
what you are, what we are
is still a mystery in my mind

and in the time you won't love me
a time not so distant from today
please don't let what we have end
please don't be with my best friend

in the case i fall in love with you
in the case that you don't
in the case that you fall in love with me
in the case that i don't

in the present when i love you
and in the past when i hated you
and in the future when i still might want you

maybe you'll shatter me all over again
maybe you won't

does it ever hurt knowing the exact moment you lost hope?
does it ever hurt knowing the exact moment you stopped trying?

there are times i realized even the things i loved doing just doesn't matter.

like it was too dull.

does it ever hurt knowing the exact moment you started losing hope?
does it ever hurt knowing the exact moment you stopped believing in yourself?

in the end, everything hurts.

it hurts remembering happy and sad moments. it hurts living and sometimes, i just down care about anything anymore.

i remember the first time i heard the first time i heard 'best friends forever'.

i remember being alone and isolated in school. they said how they'll always be by my side.

after years of confessing secrets and laughter, she turned to me coldly and told that she had a new best friend and to leave her alone.

i remember being alone and isolated again. and again.

and again.

and eventually i didn't say 'best friends forever'. just 'best friends'.

people who smile the brightest cry the hardest
that is society's problem
the people you see might not be genuine
sometimes just put on a smile
and just tell lies

smile , society tells you
lies, lies, lies
put on a smile, don't cry
be silent

to smile is a thing people say is easy
smiling genuinely is the problem
can society move on?
instead of picking on the weak?

alas, society shall stay the same
a mistake, a lie
after all,
isn't it better when everyone smiles?