i think a lot about how
things that happen to people make
them different, change their
ways and point of view.

i think about the boy
whose dad died in the eighth grade
from cancer. i think about
how someone who was a ****
at heart turned to words
and found himself again, found his
father in verses about aged trees
and kicking footballs so high,
they're weightless for a
little while.

i think about my former best
friend whose dad left her mom
when she was little, and it hurt
her so much that she took her fists
to friends and enemies alike. i think
about how she used a sharp tongue
to drag others down with her, to shrink
them and make her feel better about
herself; i don't blame her for that.

i think about the girl who is so
afraid she'll never meet somebody
again who will love her that she stays;
she stays with a boy who does not love her
or care enough to tell her how beautiful
she is every single day.

i think about the boy so hidden
behind weight he desperately lost
and the mountain that his superstar best
friend's voice has created
that when he finally got his spotlight,
he tattooed it across his forehead so
everyone knew that he is greater,
that he should be recognized.

i think about you and how
somewhere along the way, between
one of your best friend's tragic accident
and the year i didn't get to know you,
you gave yourself up
so unflinchingly to god and his
words
and yet you bathe in a pool of temptation
because the people surrounding you have
been all but blood since birth.

i think about myself
and how i picked myself up
and glued myself together after
three years, surrounded by debt
and a lack of the most important
thing to living, consumed by betrayal
and the death of a beloved,
drowning in you and feelings i didn't
know could be so strong,
all while encased in a bulging skin poisoned
with (self) hate and withering
with blackness.

i think about how people become who they
are, how we struggle to survive,
how we find ourselves. i think
about it so much that often i wish i could
understand every reason, every decision,
that it was okay to ask.
life is tricky, but everyone
has a cheat to make it through
each wretched level
of existence.

When others

so effortlessly lift you up,

with ease

they too

bring you down



I guess

that's why

in these recent days

in my pocket I carry a frown



Today

I don't feel like gettin' up

to face my faults

and deficiencies



My mind is tired

and my heart is tired

I've known no darker days then these



How many times

must you renew and refine

before

you finally retreat



I've tried my hand

so please understand

now I am rapidly approaching defeat



Every day

it looks like rain

When there's a storm swellin'

in your brain



But the fault

don't go

to the weatherman

lord knows who's the one to blame

six and a half months ahead of schedule
the sky above me is turning black

nobody seems to notice it yet
the weatherman would have said

i leave on all of the televisions
and the radios in every room

i stay inside all day listening
trying to keep ahead of the plan

trying not to be taken by surprise
i wonder why nobody has noticed it yet

(if only i could see their eyes)
it seems to be happening every night

His voice is like an ocean,
Crashing over me in waves,
Consuming me instantly.
WHOOSH! Now gone.

His smile is like a fire,
Intense, flickering flames,
Uncontrollably burning.
SIZZLE! Now only ash.

His eyes are like a lake,
Reflectant pools capturing beauty,
Rippling in the storm.
DRIP! Now overflowing.

He is a mountain,
Tall, strong and proud.
Beautiful, but jagged.
Worn away with time.

you just
dont seem
to understand
how i
feel anymore