I sit here listening to sad songs remembering what we had.
I listen to the lyrics for the first time and they discribe my pain to a tee.
I cry myself to sleep thinking about how I have hurt you.
But that doesn't mean anything to you now.
I am still that monster you once saw.
I am still that demon in your past as you grow up past the things we had.
I am just a faded memory no longer being used to make you happy.
I wish I could say sorry and it would all go way, but it doesn't work like that.

It can happen any place any time.
The feeling of you not being who you are or what you want.
The iron grip in your chest telling you that you are wrong.
The darkness in your heart telling you that this is not what you are.
Feeling that you are a girl when you are meant to be a guy.
Feeling like a guy when you are meant to be a girl.
Feeling like you will never get to the point of being who you want to be.
Feeling alone in the battle of this of identity  and your soul.
Alone you feel and nothing can fix it.
But it will slowly go away in time.
Leaving you woth little confidence and power to make it through the day.

Darkness all around.
It consumes me slowly.
I feel so empty all the sudden.
No warning just darnkness and emptiness.
Death fills my every thought.
IT WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE.
She tries to help.
Nothing helps.
No one can get rid of the unexplainable darkness that resides behind my eyes and above my neck.
No one can help me.

They take a step closer to their partner.
Their partner shoves them away.
"Leave me alone, you have only hurt me."
They hold their head in shame and walk away.

At home they hold a gun.
Hand shaking and tears streaming down their face.
They scream, "I DON'T MEAN TO HURT YOU."

BANG

They fall to the floor. With their last breath they spoke these words...

"I am just a person. I loved you but I broke you. I am sorry."

The next day rumors spread that someone killed themself.
Their partner finds out...
They fall to the floor crying.
They whimper and say, "Please forgive me. This is all my fault."

I sit here with a knife in my hand.
Ready to die. Ready to meet my maker.
I send out one last text. "Goodbye forever".

They reply, "Stop messing with me I am sick of it."
That was the last straw.
I was not worth it.



He took the knife and plunged it into his beating heart.
He twisted it.
Screamed out in agony.
Collapsing to the floor.
Tears dry on his face as he watches his life flash before his eyes.

He said his last words to them.
He left his family.
He left his friends.
He gave up his future.



18 years old, Transgender, Fencer, Artist, Writer, volunteer, babysitter, friend, Son, peace maker, lover, and singer.



Depression, Social Anxiety Disorder, Bi-polar Depression, PTSD, and Bi-polar.

He suffered alone.
He no longer could suffer through hell.
Knowing they didn't care.