I looked in the mirror and saw some stretch marks on my stomach
At first I was upset
How did I let myself gain so much weight
I need to start running again
I need to eat better
These thoughts swirled in my head and I froze
Staring at my stomach with stretch marks
Turning back and forth to get a better look
Later while it still was nagging at the back of mind
I started to think of everything I’ve been through in my 19 years of life
How strong I’ve become
I use to keep a thin figure by working out and eating barely anything
How much I tried to stay popular and have “that look” all girls wanted in High School
Now look at me being strong and eating whatever I want
I truly am proud of myself and my figure
And my stretch marks on my tummy is only proof of how much I’ve come along.
They are my stretch marks of strength

~Emma Rose

I look at my canvas
Painted a perfect porcelain
Highlighted, contoured
The eye lashes are volumized
The eye lids are a perfect shimmer
It doesn't even look like me anymore
And that's how I know
It's perfect.
After a long day of confidence
It's time to clear the canvas
I stare at the acne
The red cheeks
The unnecessary freckles
The skin I was born with
The skin I hide
My canvas is plain

~Emma Rose

Depression is a pendulum
Happy, Sad, Happy, Sad
Never too happy nor too sad
Almost stuck in suspension of the emotions
When I want utter bliss I have plain yellow
When I want utter pain I have plain blue

You see depression has taken these emotions
They’re now small and weak
When I want to feel the overwhelming joy or sadness
It tells me no you only get a little of both

Depression is numbness building up asking
What is it to feel
Because I can only feel little or none
And when that pendulum swings
Happy, Sad, Happy, Sad
I can't control it

~Emma Rose

Mr you've got quite the hold on me
With those big brown eyes
I believe -dare I say
I've fallen hard and fast for you
Big brown eyes
But Mr you were there to catch me
You gave me a kiss on the head
You even asked if I was okay.
Kind brown eyes
You're not above me
I'm not above you
Because we put each others needs before our own
Dare I say Mr brown eyes
Loving brown eyes
That you are a dream come true.
Nothing will ever compare to you.
Mr I believe that in time you'll keep me happy
Maybe even make me a happy grey lady
But surely if not-
You will hurt.
A world without us,
Painful brown eyes
Is a world I do not wish to see.

~Emma Rose

And if I'm being honest
I think I'm getting bad again
I've been zoning out a lot
It's getting harder to look in the mirror
I pull at my skin and frown
It's harder to get up in the morning
I've been counting how long it's been
If it's more than 2 months it's bad again.
Depression.
I don't deserve it right now
I have everything I want
Everything I need
Why am I getting bad again...

~Emma Rose

Abuse
No one tells you how long it takes to get over it
No one tells you about the random triggers you face
Did that happen to me?
Why can't I remember it?
Triggers
It takes away from a happy day
The memories keep happening
Am I getting better or worse?
Why does every day seem like I'm remembering more
Worse
Psychology says my brain originally hid those memories to protect me
In order to stay happy I have to simply forget
Why can I see them now?
Why do they still hurt after all this time

~Emma Rose